[Beholden]

Every now and then I read a post, or see a book where someone referes to being stuck. What does that really mean?

How is it different from ...

grief/depression

ocd

not taking responsibility

being lazy

Does it usually refer to one particular mental disorder

Thanks.

[knothead]

Being "stuck"? I always took it to mean that you want or need to change a certain behavior but can't. Like you are "stuck in a rut".

[pegasus]

It has nothing to do with being lazy or not taking responsibility. Being 'stuck' can be about being stuck in the past or some horrific memory and unable to get out of it. Quite often people will get stuck with PTSD and be stuck in a memory where the past replays over and over again. It also happens with depression with not being able to move forward, unable to get out of the misery. With anxiety it could be having panic attacks over and over again but not able to do anything about it.

When i use the word "stuck" i'm referring to a dissociative reaction. Sometimes when i get triggered i can't speak and have trouble moving. i freeze.

i have mild OCD--something i rarely even consider an issue--but when it's "up" for me, i can get stuck in an OCD related action. For example, when i play solitaire online. i "have" to win three times before i can stop playing. Even if there's something else i need to do i can get stuck needing to finish the routine. Although there's extreme discomfort and frustration, i have to finish so i'm stuck until i can be released from the routine with it's completion.

Another use from my perspective has to do with what Pegasus said regarding PTSD. It's not a choice. i might be just going along living life and then bam, the past resurfaces. Others may say i'm stuck in the past. i say the past is stuck to me. i don't decide to relive it. PTSD does that for me.

[Beholden]

Thanks everyone.

At my appointment with my pdoc, I asked him if he thought I was "stuck" or using depression to not do things. Or like my daughter said, that I was using depression as an excuse to not read the Bible, when I was very capable of reading other books.

My concern has been mostly so much sleeping. It's gotten so much better since sunny warm weather has been happening, that I don't know how I could have been so tired and wanting to sleep for hours on end. I've more energy now because I'm doing more and feeling good about doing stuff. Nice kind of circle to "be stuck in".

My pdoc said "no, that I was being avoidant" and that only I know if I'm using depression as an excuse. And I'm thinking he is right. I've been avoiding housework and that sort of stuff. But I've started to pull my share around here again. And I'm not doing Bible reading right now because I'm making other choices. Not because I can't concentrate, or that I'm depressed. I'm praying and have a sense of spirituality different from my daughter's. Though I respect her thoughts. I do have hope again.

My best friend irl, Brenda and I talked about some of this today after my appointment, and she sees me as a realist, and that I do what I can...she's a recovered alcoholic who has been through Hell and back, but not had much of an issue with depression.

You guys just made me feel like I'm taking care of my own stuff. Thanks for sharing/ I really appreciate that.

[Perna]

My T once pointed out that "no one likes to clean bathrooms" :-) so it makes sense not to "choose" housework if there's other things you would rather do. I learned pretty quick that a lot of things that others, or even I decide "should" be done are just habits I've grown up with other my letting others dictate what I should do. Just because we were raised to make our beds every morning first thing and do the dishes immediately after dinner doesn't make that the "right" or only way to do things. The world won't come to an end if we don't do dishes until the next morning :-)

I use to love to sleep whenever I was having "helpful" dreams; I was interested in seeing what they'd tell me, what I'd learn that would help my therapy along, etc.

[chalmette70043]

Hey Heygimm.

I'm stuck right now. I have PTSD from things i've learned that happened to me earlier in life and things more recent that has brought it all out making me see those earlier things caused me to have PTSD. the more recent trauma i can talk about for the most part. But the earlier traumas, most i dont want to talk about. I want to forget and throw them away. I just keep to myself and live with the memories and flashbacks of it. But my T says i wont get 'un-stuck' till i open up and release the emotions and feelings of those traumas. Then they'll be free, but i will still remember them. They just wont affect me as they do now.

I'm glad your starting to feel better. I hope you continue to feel better and do more things. Maybe get your daughter to help with the housework. Play some music and make the time go a little faster.

[Beholden]

Thaks Perna

"No one like cleaning the bathroom". I guess I'm not so "weird" after all.

My mother didn't do housework much. We grow up without a lot of rules like do this, do that, but we were expected to be good kids. I guess we did have to do the dishes every night.

My sister and I used to argue who would wash, who would dry! My dad would have a fit if we wrapped the dinner garbage up the "wrong way" (his way). The plates had to be scraped onto the old newspaper, wrapped like the butcher would wrap meat, and put into the brown paper lined trash can! Heaven forbid if you put scrapes of food into the trash bag without being wrapped! But I don't think any of that is much more than normal growing up stuff. I just really don't like doing house work! But someone has to do it. I won't live like a pig.

Thanks P. I even slept a little bit extra today because I was so physically busy yesterday. It felt good.

with me it can be stuck in how to express myself
as in words ...happens at times when i am stressed or just so overwhelmed

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Heygimm

... Or like my daughter said, that I was using depression as an excuse to not read the Bible...

My pdoc said ... that only I know if I'm using depression as an excuse.

The way I see it, it's quite possible to get "stuck" in a circle of excuses: "I can't do A because of B, and I can't do anything about B because of C..." There's a cute little folk song about this; you might already know it. I'd love to post a link to it if I could, but anyone can find it easily by Googling on the phrase (quotes and all), "there's a hole in the bucket".

The quickest way I've found to stop wondering if I'm using something as an excuse, is not to bother with excuses at all. For example (without getting into how often, or not, I read the Bible): when I don't read the Bible it's not because I'm depressed; it's because I don't read the Bible.

That's a lot like the way you put it but (IMO) invites even fewer followup questions from nagging daughters and such:

... I'm not doing Bible reading right now because I'm making other choices.

[sunrise]

For me, being stuck had to do with PTSD. I didn't realize it at the time, I just knew I was profoundly stuck and couldn't move forward with my life. I went to a therapist who recognized I was suffering from trauma and we had to work on past events to get unstuck in the present. I sure am glad he knew what my problem was and how to go about solving it, because I had no idea! I'm not stuck anymore, and it's wonderful.

I have also had depression and this feels very different to me. No energy, no motivation, not wanting to get out of bed, etc. Very different. For me being stuck due to trauma was quite different--I could have a lot of energy and be quite activated. There was some kind of terror or brick wall about moving forward even if I wanted to and was very motivated.