[bloomajs]

This is only my second post. I don't even know if I'm doing all of this right. Nevertheless, I'm going to try...

I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this post. It is about inpatient hospitalization or, at the least, higher levels of care. But, it is more a vent over my frustrations where this is concerned.

I am aware that I need a higher level of care. I have an eating disorder among other things and know that I've reached a point where I really do require either residential or inpatient treatment. I know my body, I know my limitations, and I know that outpatient therapy with an excellent team is not nearly enough or appropriate for me at this time. That being said, I have no ability to receive such treatment. And, I'm floundering.

I've done treatment before. IOP's, PHP's, DBT programs, residential, and inpatient. I've done well in treatment, but only to a point. My last residential stay, 3.5 years ago, lasted 5 months and was the most effective. Since then, I've been in outpatient therapy. I was stable until a health crisis. After that, I relapsed hard. I am dealing with difficult issues in therapy and am working incredibly hard, but it is just not enough. I've become accustomed to bi-monthly trips to the ER and monthly admissions. I have health issues compromised by the ED. And, I have other issues which complicate the eating disorder. My medical team is ineffective and I am beginning the search elsewhere. My therapists are great and my dietitian is as well. But, I'm exhausted - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

My insurance will not cover residential treatment for my ED or other issues. They will cover inpatient for 30 days, but I've been told a thousand times over that I'll be lucky to get 3-4 days of medical stabilization. There is only one inpatient facility for ED's in my state and they have turned me away because they solely look at numbers. Well, I may not be X size, but I am dealing with a chronic, severe eating disorder. They don't care that I'm fighting for my life; they see a number only. My insurance has refused single case agreements elsewhere. There is a residential/PHP/IOP facility here, but I have been through their programs and, while they're geared to those with eating disorders, they are not able to provide the care I need in terms of my other issues. And, I have had very bad experiences with that program. So, I'm lost. We have called the insurance companies and explained that they're paying more in hospitalization and ICU visits than they would for treatment, but they are non-responsive. I've had a nurse case manager for my insurance go to bat for me, my team, and multiple attempts on my part. I cannot afford to pay for private insurance (mine is provided through work) and if I could, I'd likely not have the medical benefits I have now. On that end, I am in good hands - it's the mental health benefits which are lacking. And, unfortunately, my insurance doesn't see the correlation between the two.

So, I am frustrated. I want help so badly. I'm doing the hard work already. But, I'm being stymied at every turn. I've completed scholarship applications for treatment, but so many people need help and I am overlooked every time. I feel hopeless, but will continue to fight. I just needed to share my experience and, I suppose, ask if anyone has any other suggestions or if your own experience could provide different options or, at the very least, support.

[Skeezyks]

Hello bloom: I'm sorry you are struggling. I have some small idea of what you're experiencing in that I'm an older person. And once you get to be... oh... say 50 or older you're just expendable. (I'm older... but 50 is about when I first became actively involved with the mental health system in my area. And it was never really any different.)

I gave up seeking any kind of mental health treatment for the most part quite a few years ago now. I do still have a psychiatrist. I only see him a couple of times a year now just to keep my foot in the door, so to speak. He's been helpful to me on a couple of occasions in the past. I'm no longer on any kind of med's nor do I see a therapist. My "therapy" consists of doing yoga, meditation, & walking our dog, (plus being here on PC.)

I'm sorry I don't have any other suggestions for you. All I can do is to sympathize & say I know how difficult it can be to find appropriate treatment. Hopefully being here on PC can be of some comfort & support to you. It has been for me.

[Gus1234U]

hello, Bloomajs, welcome to PC.

i found a little-known type of sound therapy that helps the brain rebalance itself, and even regrow neural connections so it can function better. i don't know if you've heard of Binaural Beat Therapy, but it can be a permanent healing solution for some. it took me seven years of daily listening to 'recover' from bipolar and five other diagnoses, including OCD and Anxiety.

you can google the term and find many good sound tracks on Utube, just be sure you listen with stereo earphones. the therapeutic model i used i bought from a company called CenterPointe.com. they sell in 6 month increments if you need that, or you can just buy into the 'Forever' program. what is important is to listen, as directed, every day (for a half hour or an hour, depending on which section you are on).

the sounds are different for each ear, which causes the brain to be stimulated to rebalance itself, kind of like EMDR, and the effects are, or can be, permanent. i hope you find something which will help you live without the feeling of imminent death and desperation, which i knew so well.

best wishes~

[Kiya]

I'm glad you shared your experiences and know that you have a safe place to vent. I also understand that same frustration too well. You are already do this, but keep going.
I finally have the help I need and it took from March 2014 to January if this year to get it. It's taken 6 months to get stable within the current arrangement and I wouldn't be surprised if there were more bumps along the way.
I am so glad you know your body well and know what you need- that is half the battle won.
Keep going, keep posting. One day at a time.

[Kiya]

Gus- thanks; that was interesting. I did go look up that beat thing but found a warning:

ATTENTION *
The following people should not use brainwaves entrainment applications like Binaural Beats Therapy :
People subject to any forms of seizures or epilepsy
People using pacemakers
People suffering from cardiac arrhythmia or other heart disorders
People taking stimulants, psychoactive drugs, or tranquilizers

I'm out :/
But I was ready to give it a try!!