Feeling really overwhelmed

I don't know how to handle this anymore. I am trying to stop binge eating, and have a healthier relationship with food. I am unable to fit comfortably in my clothes and have had to buy new pants recently and I am starting to really stress out about it. I really cannot afford to gain anymore weight.
I am also trying to stay on a budget. I try to come up with a meal plan and write a grocery list so I can stay within my budget. I am trying to do that now but I am getting really overwhelmed with what to buy and make. I am gluten free, and have recently discovered I am having a bad reaction to dairy. I have always heard when you are trying to stop binge eating that you have to stop restricting yourself, but I can't eat gluten and now I am trying to stop eating dairy which so far has not been succesful, which leads me to always having stomach pain, bloating, low energy and irritability. I am also a vegetarian since November. I am trying to become vegan because I think it is healthier and that I would feel a lot better but I can't seem to stop eating dairy!
Basically at the moment I cannot come up with a grocery list...I just can't decide what to buy that I can eat, that won't cost too much and will also not cause me to binge.
I also have a toddler and babysit another toddler so not only do I have to plan a menu for me...but I have to plan a menu for them that they will eat. It is causing me so much stress, I don't know what to do. I have to accomodate my vegetarian and food sensitivity diet and make things kid friendly at the same time. I feel like I might pull my hair out.
I feel like I don't want to eat anymore. It would be soo much easier if I had a drug or alcohol problem....I could just STOP it completely. I wish I could just stop eating altogether.

You do have some issues to deal with. I suggest you talk to your regular doctor and see what he/she suggests. Maybe there's a nutritionist that can be recommended.

We do need to eat some things, of course. As far as bloating, I take OTC gas pills. You might give them a try.

Congrats on dealing with your binge eating, though!

Dairy - try Lactaid. Lactaid milk, lactaid pills. Also, kefir, farmer's cheese, and yogurt, especially plain Greek yogurt. Try them. If it does not work, you might need to drop dairy, but you should try them first.

You should not be going vegan now, for two reasons: there is no solid proof that it is healthier, and, you are overwhelmed by trying to reach too many goals at once. A woman who has a toddler and babysits another toddler and has to be gluten-free (for reasons that are objective rather than made up, I assume) and is on a budget CANNOT physically add another constraint to it - your extra constraint of veganism should be dropped.

You are causing your own problem of being overwhelmed. Do only what is absolutely necessary. If no gluten is absolutely necessary, drop gluten. Feeding toddlers is absolutely necessary, so feed the toddlers. Vegan lifestyle is not absolutely necessary, so do not pursue it - table the idea of vegan until later in your life - the vegan lifestyle will be available for you at any time you wish to pursue it and you do not have any deadline on it.

If you do not eat/drink cultured dairy, you need to obtain beneficial bacteria from another source. All of those other sources of beneficial bacteria cost money. If you like the taste of yogurt, the simplest, most effective, and cheapest way to obtain the beneficial bacteria is to eat yogurt (hopefully, plain or with a few berries, not fruited/sweetened/with added granola that has gluten etc. - just plain plain plain, and Chobani/Fage are the best in my opinion and I have tried every brand). Without the beneficial bacteria, you will compromise your immunity and the health of your digestive tract - do you need additional problems? do you need to get more respiratory infections than you absolutely must, now that you are staying with two toddlers?

You are saying that "It would be soo much easier if I had a drug or alcohol problem....I could just STOP it completely."

No, people with drug or alcohol problems have it worse than you, because they most often cannot just STOP completely because it is outside of their control. Your ideas are in your head (pursuing too many unnecessary goals at once while being on a strict budget) and you have control over the ideas in your head, and yes, you can stop the pursuit of unnecessary goals. You might not be able to stop bingeing in an instant, but you can stopping pursuing the vegan lifestyle in an instant.

Plus, the vegan lifestyle will deny you access to cheese, and cheese is one of the best inventions of the modern civilization... so why deny yourself that, right?

If you are so in love with the vegan idea, you should supplement with vitamin B12, I imagine. At any rate, you will need to watch what you eat carefully to ensure that your diet meets all the requirements. It is SO much easier to meet the requirements of a balanced diet without being a vegan. Even people who do not need to watch two toddlers and stick to a budget have trouble ensuring that their vegan diet meets the basic requirements.

Since you think cold turkey (not the food) would appeal to you, why not try intermittent fasting. You can google it. Just eat say during 6 hours each day, or eat every other day. Your stomach shrinks and you can really savour what you do eat. I find it's helpful for controlling obsessive food thinking and also resetting your appetite. After not eating 24h, a salad or old frozen burrito from the fridge like I'm having now tastes as good as dessert.

About the vegan or other restrictions, I can't comment. I just focus on quantity, and if you're binge eating I guess that part is relevant to you too.

>Basically at the moment I cannot come up with a grocery list...I just can't decide what to buy that I can eat, that won't cost too much and will also not cause me to binge.

You could pare it down to essentials that are the cheapest for value - like yellow pea and bean dishes from scratch, with seasonal veggies or frozen spinach with olive oil on the side. All you need.

An easy starter recipe (happens to be vegan):

http://electronworks.com/recipes/Rasam.html

I use 1/3 the tomato sauce or just triple everything else and use a full can.

You're right Hamster...I am causing myself more stress then is needed. I have talked to my family dr and the impression I get from him is that he thinks I should just be able to stop eating bad food, and that I can just stop bingeing. He is vegan.
I am very obsessive and a perfectionist so when I try to eat healthier...I end up trying to be perfect by cutting out all the bad foods. I have gone on the Atkins diet when I heard carbs were bad. I avoided bananas when someone told me that they had too much sugar. I avoided rice/potatoes because someone said they had too many carbs, even when I stopped doing Atkins. I was always looking at food in terms of "good" and "bad."
Yes, I do have to be gluten free, I have been diagnosed as celiac and need to avoid it.
I have decided that I am going to let myself eat anything I want as long as it's gluten free and see how it goes. I have been reading as much as I can about Intuitive Eating, and I love this article: Intuitive Eating Case Study: My Last Three Meals | Shapely Prose
I feel the need to remind myself that after my daughter was born, I lost 75 lbs in the first year by making healthier choices, eating more whole foods instead of boxed ones. After that I started joining forums about dieting, started counting cals and got so strict that I started bingeing. I have since stopped losing and have yo yo'd. This proves that as long as I stop counting calories and just eat a balanced diet...I may lose weight (I may not) but I will be happier than if I keep obsessing.

Thank you for the pointer to the information on intuitive eating. I will be sure to read it! I am glad that you have found a way to be happier without obsessing.

I used to count calories and stopped and I am happier. It is very unnatural and unintuitive to count calories, count carbs, etc. As a short-term exercise to get insight to the situation, to assess whether the diet is balanced, it is OK, but as a lifetime pursuit, it is not. And it is a slippery slope - if we count calories and record everything we eat, what is next? Will we record every time we cough, have sex, sneeze, think, dream, ...?? I am afraid that if we start tracking and recording everything, we will have no time at all left to actually DO these things!

Bananas are considered good for inducing sleep (not in a major way- they are not Zyprexa or Seroquel - but as a nice gentle helpful sleep aid), and are a good source of potassium and a good source of fiber. So the sugar in bananas is coupled with fiber, which is good.

Thanks again for the link!