[lizable]

A quarter past midnight on Christmas Eve (so technically now Christmas morning) and my food cravings have chosen to take hold at an extremely inconvenient time. I had a friend and her sister over watching a movie for a few hours and just wanted to binge on really unhealthy food while they were here but I don't binge in front of people so as soon as they left I walked them out to their car and waited for them to drive down the street a bit before I got in my own car. There is currently no binge-worthy food in my apartment on purpose. I've decided at this point if I can binge on it I don't want it in my apartment right now but the thing is that some times I will go out and pick something up and bring it home. Anyway so it's Christmas Eve/Christmas morning (around 12:30 AM) and no place is open. Even places like my grocery store which is normally open 24/7 are closed for the holiday. McDonalds is closed the diner near me is closed WaWa is closed WALMART IS CLOSED I thought I could at least count on them. Don't get me wrong I'm glad all these places are closed and let their employees off for the holidays but with my stupid cravings I was in quite a predicament. Anyway after about 15 minutes of driving around on my wild goose chase, desperate for junk food for my stupid binge, I saw a Sheetz that was still open. I got three slider chicken sandwiches, an order of churro bites, a bag of pretzel bites, and a bag of chex mix. I've only eaten the sliders and churros and my stomach already hurts. I'm starting to feel the beginnings of heartburn. I hope I don't eat the other food that I bought. I don't want or need it. But since I bought it and it is here I just feel compelled to eat it no matter what. Like I can't stop thinking about it and it feels like unfinished business until I eat all of it and throw the garbage away. Ugh. I hate this. Why did it have to happen tonight?

[steelcurtain27]

I'm sorry you're struggling tonight. I understand that nagging feeling that won't go away until you do something about it and then the complete shame and disappointment you feel afterwards. It's been hard to work on and I'm glad I have people I can talk to about it. If you can look at it this way (which my dietitian has helped me do), you were able to stop yourself during your binge which is a huge deal. Recognize that as a milestone. Also, if you can, set a timer and ask yourself what you need emotionally that may help. If you feel you can go without the rest of the binge then great. If it is to finish your binge, try not to judge yourself. I've found, the more time I can put between myself and my binges has helped but I still binge which is hard. I don't want to get super "you should do" which I'm afraid I might have :-(. All I'm really trying to say is, I know how you feel and I'm really sorry because it's a miserable place to be. It also feels really lonely and if you ever feel like you want someone to just vent to, I'm here, because I don't want anyone to ever feel alone. You are strong!

[xenko]

This is a time when many people eat things they normally would not. Whether they are happy or sad. You were smart not to have the food in your house. Hope today you can eat healthier.

(Lizable))

[lovinglifechick]

Dear Liz,

I appreciate your honesty and courage in writing about the details of your experience: the food cravings, the frustrating shopping experience, getting and eating the food that you didn't want or need but felt compelled to eat. It sounds so frustrating to be eating this food when you really don't want to be doing it.

I personally think it can be a great first step to tell other people what happened and I think it's great that you did that!

You mentioned that you haven't eaten all the food you bought yet and you don't want or need it. You could decide to throw the rest of the food away. I know for me when I went through my binge eating when I was in my 20s it was such an important step to start getting food that I loved and that I felt like was good for my body. Like, OK, instead of getting ice cream and chocolate and crap today I am going to get some bananas and apples and almond butter and I will sit here and eat it and think, “I want to nourish my body in the best way I know how.” This really helped me start getting out of a pretty horrible binge pattern. I really appreciate what you are going through and I support you in taking the rest of that food and destroying it! Like burying it or putting it in someone else's garbage can. If you want you could go get some nice healthy thing like grapefruit juice or some pineapple or something to celebrate that you are taking care of yourself!

If you need any other ideas, thoughts, or support, please ask.

[Elio]

((lizable))

I woke this morning in the same place, wanting to binge. You are not alone with the battle, I am sorry that you are feeling it today (last night) too.

I binged a lot during christmas too

christmas eve I had sausages, a couple of peperoni pizzas, some chicken nuggets, some garlic bread, some chicken on sticks, some chocolate, few packets of love hearts, bacon flavour potato chips, my advent calendar and some cookies

yesterday I had chocolate, potato chips, a christmas turkey, a big tub of wine gums and some jelly babies

none of it's good. it's just stuff I don't need but eat anyway

[lizable]

Thank you all for your support. I'm new to this whole website and support group/forum community in general and it means a lot to be able to express all of this and not receive judgment- only support in return.

Originally Posted by lizable

Thank you all for your support. I'm new to this whole website and support group/forum community in general and it means a lot to be able to express all of this and not receive judgment- only support in return.

we're all here when ever you need us

glad it's helping