[woundedhealer]

I am so confused, frustrated, and trying to get educated. Just learning about Schizoid Personality Disorder. Just realizing that the distance that has always been present, but increasingly worse, in my marriage has a lot to do with my husband's disorder.
I am at a loss as to how to have a conversation with him. I am talking two or three sentences! He deflects, glazes over, walks out of the room, says things that make no sense and have nothing to do with what we were talking about, or responds with demeaning and hostile comments. His tone, facial, and body language speaks the loudest and is hostile at best.
We have been married for 30+ years. I have spent those years thinking that if I just changed, or lost weight, or got healthier mentally and emotionally, or... I have also thought that if I could just explain myself another way, and so I have over and over and over again. I now know all of this was in vain.
I am angry. I feel stuck. Hopeless. And yet, I love this man. He is a good man. I feel so sad that he is stuck inside. He is not willing to get any help or do anything about it, nor will he admit to his condition.
Any advice would be helpful...

[optimize990h]

How are you wounded healer?

OK, I'm got you the name of the PC social club " Caregivers". A PC member OldSchoolBill has written some great advice for caregivers. I wanted reply as fast as I could, as I will look for more here at PC.

[optimize990h]

Another place to research at Caregiver's Support forum, on the forum page with a list of all the forum topics.

There also a thread in the Schzoid Personality Disorder, the first thread called Welcome to the Schzoid Personality Disorder forum. If you read through those posts, then you can get info that will help you.

At the very top of the page are different topics try the "Conditions" icon, like click that icon, there may be general info on Schzoid Personality Disorder. Also horizontally to that Conditions icon, there is the Resources icon and explore the personality part of that section for more information.(They have a list of support groups including at least one for Schzoid Personality Disorder.)

Try writing to him instead of talking to him. As a schizoid, he doesn't like to feel crowded in by people or by conversation. I find that most schizoids I've met online [myself included] that it's much more easy & comfortable to convey myself on a semi-impersonal level. Like writing letters, e-mails, text messages.

If he's always been schizoid, it makes sense that his distance becomes greater as his familiarity increases. So do NOT try to convince yourself that he's disinterested or that you need to change yourself in any way to alter your relationship. It has nothing to do with you -- it has to do with him.

And if it's not totally intrusive, how are his sexual behaviours? Is his desire for sex totally non-existent or out of duty to you, or have you ever caught him with porn websites/dvds or masturbating? Because schizoids tend to fall into two categories when it comes to that & finding out which one he falls into could help significantly in finding a way to "intimately" relate to him... Which might assist in softening that emotional boundary.

The key is to finding out what works for him, using that to develop new forms of communication in the meantime, & breaking the boundaries very very slowly over time. If you've already been married for 30 years -- that's a gigantic accomplishment!