[_skylin_]

OneAndMany asked me if i had thot abbout it and ffrankly i hadn't but........

just a littl bit ago, my 22-yr old son vrry calmly came up to me and askd what i thot if he took our 19-yr old son out to tthe bak yard and 'showed him som skills and how tto use tthem'.....thay hav botth ben in diffrnt martl art classes for awhile. jus NOT tgethr. he had lots of reesons WHY it wood be a good iddea. uhhhhh NO. its NOT. caus we alredy hav prroblms wth him hittng WAAAY too hard, and the othr wway arownd, the 19 yr old doing tthe same bak. and ffrankly its rediculus. the 2 oldest ones wating to ambush eechothr and being tthis way.
we hav told tthem to, omg, i can't beleev we hav to say tthis to peepl THER AGE.....KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YORSELVS. like ovrsizd 4-yr olds. then whn i told the 22yr old, no it was NOT a good idea, he freekd out agen. 'we are NOT goingg to talk abot tths!" he sed to ME. are ya kiddin me? no we are not. caus i alredy sed NO. he startd gettng wrrse, and i simply sed 'walk away', while in tthe bak of my hed OneAndMany's wrrds rang thru my hed, so i actuly wachd what he sed and did wtth an open mind.

i need help. and i'm gona call. a wwhole famly is being held hosttage to this behavvior. i need to starrt tthe ball rolling.

thank you ffor helpng me. sevrral peepl hav postd, tellng me i needed ttherpy tto deal. rhapsdy, sevral othrs.........thank you all.

pleez help me as i try to gatthr curage to do tthis.

sara

I think you should go for help. This is too hard to do alone.

((((((((Sara)))))))

[alisandria]

I agree, if for no other reason then to just let you know you are doing the right thing standing your ground, as well as helping define the ground you stand on. That's the great thing about therapists that deal with family matters, they probably have seen this stuff before and can show you the tools to help you deal with it all.

(((skylin))) take care, hugs Lisa

[_skylin_]

thank you, lisa and time. ttruth.

thanks tto evryone wwho is helpngg me see tthis thru and deal day-to-day. PC has bben scch a comffort tto me.

not bbeing alone, a ggrate feelng.

sara

[AlteredState01]

I didn't mean to chuckle when I read your blog, but couldn't help myself

My boyfriend is going through the same thing with his 2 oldest daughters right now. Both are as close in age and both of legal age (in Canada) as well.

They are in constant competition, yet both are no longer willing to submit to the "rules of the house." Both have also tried bringing it over to our place...
=

My boyfriend and his ex (who has custody and whom the children live with) agreed that, for the peace of the family and especially for the youngest (very upsetting to her- she's much younger), the 2 are now old enough to be out on their own and have set in motion, plans for them leave the nest, so to speak.

Both are unwilling to continue with higher education, so there is really no excuse for them to be staying at home. Both are capable of learning to rely on themselves - they just don't want to because they literally have the world handed to them on a plate - and they know it!!

I think it's time to let your boys experience life on their own, if they are able to (I don't know much of your situation other than this blog, so please forgive and avoid this messgae if I am on the wrong track). You may be surprised at how quickly their relationship will change after that.

In my boyfriend's case, the girls are now getting along much better; are keeping in closer contact with each other now than they did when living at home (other than the sneak attacks against each other); and are co-operating with each other in helping maintain their own independence.

It is really quite cool to watch them grow like that!

All the best to you - you need it - you got BOYS!



Altered State