[pamelasu]

One of my little neices has been acting out a lot lately. She is only 7 and she's been stealing from people. I know that she knows better too. She is doing it to get attention because her older sister and her little brother both have ADHD and get all kinds of special attention. I feel that I can help her but I'm not sure how. I want to take her out and do some fun things with her to make her feel more loved. Does any one have any suggestions on what would be good to do with a 7 year old? Should I be doing this or should I just leave it be?

[Sarah116]

Take action, she may have it or a form of it too! It goes through genes very well. Give her attention for GOOD THINGS SHE DOES. Like cleaning up toys, drawing you pictures, dressing herself in a nice outfit, how pretty her hair looks or her eyes, how well she eats, how sweet she is, sharing, caring, kindness, sports, playing outside, learning, school, arts. There has to be something you will find and give her attention for that not for stealing and breaking toys saying bad words etc. Good luck!

[Perna]

Can you talk with her mother, see if/how you can help? I imagine if her parents know she's doing it to get attention they'll give her some more attention or would love to have you help out in some way. My stepmother use to take my nieces and nephews (her grandchildren) to the zoo on Saturday mornings so my stepsister could get some sleep. I know my stepson takes his 2 year old daughter to breakfast, just the two of them on Saturday morning so my daughter-in-law won't have so much to deal with (1 year old son) and can get some rest. Ask your niece what/where she'd like to go? Library? Local parks?

[pamelasu]

Those are some really good ideas! Thanks! I was thinking of taking her out on Fridays after school for a couple of hours and teaching her how to draw or how to make bracelets. Just some fun stuff like that, that I know she loves doing! I will have to see about the parks and all that fun stuff to! Thanks

[alisandria]

Pamelasu, that sounds like a good idea, a creative outlet, and a time of bonding for you. If it's just for attention, and not a form of it herself, some one on one time with a favorite autnie surely will help.

hugs Lisa

[Liv28]

Hi..I used to room with this friend of mine that had three children..she was a single mother..she had two boys and a girl..The oldest and the youngest were her two boys..and the middle child was her daughter..and she was around eight as well..my friends two boys got all of her attention..her oldest boy was always getting into some kind of trouble and he was also his grandmothers favorite..and the youngest was just turning two and was always demanding his mothers attention..Her daughter was quiet and shy..and left in the back ground..I felt sad for her..she never got any attention..always got picked on by the boys and cried all the time..I heard her late at night..so I took it upon myself to start doing things with her..like you are wanting to do with your neice..I first found out what this girls interests were..she was a girly girl..she loved to shop..and she loved to play dress up..pretend makeup..clothes..
So, as it was around Halloween time, I found this big Costume shop, called Dean Party Mania..and I took her there..we had a blast..we tried on every single hat, mask, boa..Tiara, and cape in that store..then we planned on what she wanted to be for Halloween and decided that we would make it together..not buy it..but MAKE it. This gave us a project to work on. And trust me, she was the best looking butterfly that Halloween.

I also took her to the mall and got her a makeover at one of the makeup counters..(this may be much for an eight year old) but her mother suggested it, because she was so into that stuff..and she absolutely loved it..and I fixed her hair..and I picked out one of her best outfits and we went to dinner and I took her to the circus..The tickets to the circus had been free..

We did many things like this..and to this little girl it mattered..it count..and it showed..I even believe that the mother was starting to get the hint..

Good luck!! and Have fun!

[sabby]

I think it's great you want to help her. There are ways to make her feel special that you don't even have to go anywhere or spend any money. If she likes to play games, find some board games to play. Create a play and make puppets out of old socks. Sit on the floor with her, be at her level, read books together. Talk abou the moon and stars and ask her what her dreams are. What does she want to be when she grows up? Take her to a library and research things she likes, animals etc. The time you spend will stick in her mind and heart for the rest of her life. And you will have a wonderful sense of giving that will warm your heart and soul Have fun!!

[pamelasu]

Starting this Friday I am going to start picking my neice up after school and spending a few hours with her. I am going to do that every week. Hopefully, I can get her to stop acting out. It's going to take a while I know that.

[(JD)]

Youth groups and activities are great in building self esteem... Girl Scouts? Self defense classes also teach discipline and self respect. I'm sure she will eat up the special attention you are giving her! Good idea!

[AlteredState01]

and it started pretty early too, about the same time as your neice. I would take little things - like my mom's lipstick, or a friend's toy.

It didn't make sense to me why I would take seemingly frivolous articles from friends and family (which I would promptly disgard for fear of being caught with the "evidence"). I clearly knew better - even at that young age.

As I grew older, I noticed the only time I committed these acts is when I felt a deep sense of loneliness and rejection - real or imagined (I'm BPD, but didn't know it at the time).

It was a humiliation that I carried inside myself for many years (I never got caught and have never admitted to anyone about this behaviour).

I was able to overcome these minor acts of theft once I realized what was triggering them.

I truly believe your neice is just trying to get more love and attention than she is currently getting, possibly as a result of the focus being more toward the 2 other children with problems.

I could easily see her adopting the same behaviours (or similar behaviours - we are all unique in our reactions) as her older siblings, since their behaviour seems to be getting the response (ie. attention of the parents) she is craving. This is, too, a classic example of children vying for attention from the parents, even if there was no illnesses involved, don't you think?

I think you have a great opportunity here to help a babe in need of love; your sister & husband to ease their load; and most of all, you have a great opportunity to begin a very special, life-long bond with your neice which is good for you, too!

And what to do with a 7 year-old? Well, anything really. Kids are into everything! Find out what she really likes (that is different from what the other children's likes are) and go from there. Doing her own thing with you will give her great encouragement, love and attention, and confidence in being herself.

I just wish I could have been there for my neices/nephews during their hard times and when they didn't have anyone to turn to. We both lost out because I was too afraid to get involved. And I found out later, both my brother and sister would have appreciated my help, but they too, were afraid to ask for help, thinking that it was their responsibility ALONE.

Whatever happened to family helping family? Everyone seems so fragmented and unwilling to ask for help, even from within their own family.

Go for it! Only good comes out of love shown to a child!

AS


PS - I know she's young, but does her parents continue to remind/teach her of the others' illness? The more she understands, the more she will be able to cope with the pressures of dealing with familial mental health issues.