Ignoring someone and borderline personality disorder

Side of the Angels · Nov 10, 2014, 04:23 PM

It is a BPD trait known as "splitting. We LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU and then we hatehatehate you. We do not ACTUALLY hate you. We are self-preserving our emotions and to do that we shut out anyone that may be able to hurt us. It is a survival tool, very very very difficult to treat and get rid of. I have it badly. I am 30, married have 3 children, and they all do very well considering. I have a lot of work to do. When we are in the moment, when we areupset, we believe that you are bad, that we are right in leaving or being upset or whatever. It takes us time to calm down... and once we do we are usually embarrassed and do not understand how we could have acted so childishly... it is very hard to live with. I do not see how my husband puts up with me sometimes. Patience, understanding, giving her space is good... do not walk away yet, maybe get her some help and you get educated on BPD it will help I promise!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenni855

Thank you very much for your replies, they are very helpful.
This woman seems to get angry/irritated and disappears for a while before returning back as though nothing has happened. Yet when they are around people, they are very full on and gushy.

Jenni855 · Nov 10, 2014, 04:55 PM

Wow, yes, this is her all over. I am learning so much from you guys, thank you. If anyone could give me more info, I would be so grateful x

comethisfar · Nov 10, 2014, 05:27 PM

Jenni855, it is wonderful that you are seeking info and that will make it easier for you to understand and respond. You have a choice to engage, set limits with love and be there for your friend and you sound like you care and want to be there for her. Don't forget (and many posts show that here) that she is responsible to her behavior and for learning to control it. She and only she can choose to do that. Please do not make my mistake and believe that you can fix it if you only know enough or that you can get her to a place where she wants to fix it! Everything I know and I have learnt about BPD and living with someone with BPD in the end has mainly helped me to deal with my own emotions and control my own suffering. It certainly is a better place to be loving and caring with someone with BPD but it does not cure BPD or BPD behaviors. Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger is a great book to help you with the difference!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Jenni855 · Nov 10, 2014, 06:16 PM

Yes, don't worry, I know I can't fix her. I just want to be informed, nothing more. Going to check out the book...

Jenni855 · Dec 18, 2014, 06:22 PM

After ignoring me for weeks and treating me as a stranger, she turned up with two presents from her kids for me for Christmas. Makes no sense when she doesn't like me and seems to want me to back off altogether, she is so chaotic and makes zero sense. I hate not knowing where I am with her.

crimsonluvor · Jan 27, 2015, 06:21 PM

It's an attempt to cope. Moodswings are confusing. Just love her through it.

Jenni855 · Jan 28, 2015, 03:54 PM

I can't. I have tried but she makes me ill

Feeling Lost · Jan 31, 2015, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jean17

That sounds like me. I get so overwhelmed with the stress of being with people, anyone, even people who I'm closest to that I just bolt. I have to be alone to calm down. And when I say "people who I'm closest to" that's really no-one. I'm not close with anyone, not even my sisters. I can't take the pressure. So, I can be with someone or a group for a certain period of time and then I run. Some folks know and understand and accept me. They will look around and say "Where is she? Oh, she had to go."

I have BPD and a severe social phobia and I'm very much an introvert. Perhaps this person you know is suffering from some of these things too.

I was very happy to see your post because I am going through a similar situation and really need advice. My ex boyfriend, moved out a little over a week ago. He has still been in the picture and initially moved out because he said that he needed to heal and had to have space to do so. After a week of him being out, we hung out a couple of times. Long story short I believe that he is splitting as he has now become so angry, mean, and hateful towards me. I have never seen this side of him, and I did nothing to deserve it. I feel as if, and this is just based on his previous cycles, that he will try to come back again. Maybe he won't but the things he said and did were so hurtful. I want to know how to handle this situation an why he is doing this to me?

Menu

Ignoring someone and borderline personality disorder

My Support Forums