[SoulTriangle]

I am brand new today to this set of psych forums. This is one of my main topics of Interest. I believe I married someone with NPD and we have been apart for almost 3 years. ( I had to leave because he wouldn't -while still having kids most of the time. This was also After over a year if intense couples counseling. .. Minimal change ..anger issues, control, lack of respect for me / kids...
Hero for everyone else... Superficial appearances of utmost importance ..
Said he doesn't want a divorce because he doesn't want to be "those people".
He says he still loves me & "WANTs" to "get it", wants to. "Be a family", yet he can give me no specific reasons why he loves, or likes me... He just loves me...
I find that I trust nothing he says as anything more than manipulation. I have made it clear that I am not interested.
Too much hurt!! Not wanting life of being mentally and emotionally abused...
I have written a lot, but this post caught my eye and I am wondering if you are a narc, were you diagnosed professionally?
Do you have any insights for me ?
How do I get him to finally agree to divorce?
Is it possible for a narc to "think " they are in love when it is not really possible for them to love anything ore than themselves?

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[glok]

Welcome to the Community, SoulTriangle. No state requires the consent of both spouses for to divorce.

How to Get a Divorce Without Spouse Consent | LegalZoom: Legal Info
Are You Trapped & Unhappy in Your Relationship? | Psych Central

I wish you well.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I have written a lot, but this post caught my eye and I am wondering if you are a narc, were you diagnosed professionally?

I am a diagnosed narcissist.

Do you have any insights for me ?
How do I get him to finally agree to divorce?

He probably won't agree to it. You're going to just have to do it anyway regardless of whether he likes it or not. Whatever you do, do not back down. If you do, he will manipulate you further. From the sounds of your post, he doesn't want his reputation to be tainted by divorce. By you wanting divorce, it is threatening his sense of self.

Is it possible for a narc to "think " they are in love when it is not really possible for them to love anything ore than themselves?

I can't speak for all narcissists, but I can speak for myself. I know I cannot love anyone besides myself, if I do tell my partner at the time that I love them... it is an act.

If you want me to elaborate any further just ask, and you're more than welcome to private message me as well.

[SoulTriangle]

Thank you for your post and insights - certainly accurate! Being brand new to this and not really knowing what I was doing when posting, followed by a series of internet and computer issues, as well as working on divorce, this is my first visit back and it is now 2015! My divorce was finally finalized in December - exactly 3 years to the date of my moving out! He made every step difficult and grueling and seemed to have no regard for what he said in front of our young children. Anyway, I did do a lot of reading and research about NPD, and I have one thing I am wondering in relation to your willingness to share here...How did you come to terms with admitting your diagnosis? Three counselors have suggested this to him and he has basically said that none of them were qualified to diagnose and that he does not have disorder. Any thoughts here would be appreciated. Thanks again.

[Atypical_Disaster]

How did you come to terms with admitting your diagnosis?

Frankly it took me awhile and it's still not easy for me to admit that I have the disorder. It was a process and I'm still in that process. It's very painful for a narcissist to find out that they aren't perfect, so many resist the diagnosis. Most don't get diagnosed at all. I think part of what helped me realize it is that I have more self-awareness than what is typical and I am also younger. That makes a difference. I also have other mental health issues, I see a psychiatrist and I am taking medication, so when I was diagnosed I was in a state of mind where I was more willing to see my psychiatrist's point of view. But it took awhile, over five years of me fighting the diagnosis.

What you're saying about him is unfortunately more typical. My father is a narcissist, also, and he did the exact same thing. He's been diagnosed but to this day he denies that he has the disorder even though he clearly does.