[SweetSunshine]

Tomorrow we are having a home evaluation for my dad to see if he will be able to live at home or not. My husband and I got up at 8:30 this morning .. and started cleaning dads house. Come to find out.. his kitchen sink faucet needs replaced.. grrr.. . So I will have to forgo washing any dishes( cant say that I am that disappointed LOL!!! I hate doing dishes anyways lol) But we got the formica paneling that is in dads bathroom back up. I washed his bedding and hung it out.. so it smells nice and fresh now. And we cleaned the carpeting too. Got things pretty well sparkling except for windows and I just didnt have the energy to do that today, not after just having the endoscopy done yesterday.

I have a feeling we might have to rip out the carpet in dads house so he can get his electric chair around. They dont really think he will be able to walk it all the time every day any more. I dont know what to think about this. I dont feel he is safe to live there. We will have to get 24 hr care... and I cant do it all. I will have to see what we can do because its going to be really expensive to have the home care come in. The nursing home is much much cheaper and he gets really good care there. Wish I could convince him to stay where he is. It would be so much better for him and for our peace of mind.

[Direction]

IMHO - your first obligation is to your husband and if you have children. This means time and money. Do you have any other siblings that can spend the time or money.

It may be time to have a candid discussion with your dad about what you can and cannot do.

[bebop]

can't the drs just tell him he can't live alone anymore?

[SweetSunshine]

I cant do this anymore..

[nothemama8]

Bethy for your own sanity, have his Dr. sign papers for his own protection, you know he's too stubborn to agree. Does anyone have durable power of atterny (sp)

[Direction]

How did the home evaluation go?

[SweetSunshine]

Got Dad home today. Around noon. He is not walking good . Needs assistance when getting out of his wheelchair. I am trying to let him see on his own how difficult this will be . But he is not buying into it. He wants so much to just die in his home where he's lived for 50+ yrs. I dont blame him. But he needs help and I know now that I cannot do it. Just what I've done today has hurt my back so much. I am at times keeping him held up on my own so he can go to the bathroom etc. I dont know how this is all going to pan out. I just know I cant do it all. And I feel that is what has been dropped onto my lap once more. heading back in to his house now... I miss my friends here.. and I feel like I wont get to see you much at all for awhile ....

[sabby]

(((((((((((((((((((bethy)))))))))))))))))))))



xoxoxo
Jean

[SweetSunshine]

Thank you (((((((((SABBY))))))))))
I am home here just for a short break. Thought I'd pop in . Things arent very good. And he is not cooperating well with the idea of getting in home care. He wont spend the $10-15 and hr to get that kind of care. He wants it cheaper. I dont blame him. But yet that is how much it costs thats what we gotta do. I've been there almost 12 hrs out of the day and its taking its toll on me already. I cant keep doing this. But I cant leave him alone there either because if he falls I'd be blaming my self. Thats an endless trap for myself too.

[Rose3]

with understanding -
can you get him a Lifeline (a device that he can attach to hand around his neck, or somewhere convenient) so that if he needs help when no one is around, then he just has to push the button, then Lifeline responds. There's a monthly rate for it. Some places it's called ProtectAlert.

I know some of the feelings that you have described - I can't take this myself (re: elderly parents and their needs when I don't have time), and I feel like I am the one who has had this dropped onto me.

It's like they don't realize that others are not retired - therefore cannot just drop daily obligations to become their chauffeur, caregiver, etc.

I figure that either home care staff, or some of the other care providers (in the phone book) are going to have to be included. Yes they cost money. But who works for free?
It's like getting my computer or typewriter fixed - $45 - $60 per hour. No one works for free. Caregivers also do not work for free.

Hope things work out for you.

[bebop]

beth will social security help pay the cost of homeworker? I know in Ga they do.

[SweetSunshine]

4:30 this morning I got a call from lifeline. Dad had hit his button again. Which I am glad he did. He had fallen when he tried to get up to go to the commode right next to his bed. I got there asap. And I tried and tried to get him up but I couldnt. Ended up calling the fire dept . They came got him up on the bed for me and then I proceeded to clean him up. I told him that this isnt good. I said with out him being able to support some of his weight with his arm to help get himself up .. I cant keep doing this with the shape my back is in. And I also told him that I thought he needed to go back in the nursing home until at least he gets taht arm better. Something needs to happen. He didnt say yes but he didnt say no either. I think he is starting to realize he needs the 24 hr care with the extra help the nursing home has. I just hope he gives us permission to do this before we have to make that decision for him one of these days. I am sooo tired. I just got home when his new caregiver got there. Gonna get some sleep here till I go for my massage and chiro appt early this afternoon.

(((((((((((( My Daddy ))))))))))))))) And yes I still call him that!!!

[Rose3]

maybe he will realize how the nursing home can be of help to him, to get his arm strength back?

either that or someone has to stay with him most of the time
sometimes people will come in if they are being provided with free room and board (for their services at certain times of the day) as long as the arrangement fits with their schedule (if they are a student - maybe a nursing student).

(I'm thinking these same kinds of issues because of my own father - who is going to need help in order so that he can stay in his home. I don't like what I read about nursing homes - check them out ahead of time to find out what the staffing is like, if there have been any recent outbreaks of infectious diseases - that was the case at one facility last winter when they were going to ship him to a facility - but they couldn't use one, because of an outbreak). Check about the qualifications of the staff (some of them are only university students, etc - they are not professionals, they are unlicensed and may have no health care training - there might be one RN who comes in - in some cases it is only an LPN who is in charge).
all the best to you

[Direction]

I agree with rose regarding checking nursing homes out to make sure you get the best...as a side note I think he is starting to realize...If you can't phsyically do it...then help will be needed...you shouldn't feel bad at all that it isn't you physically helping...we all have our limitations...

generally the "charge nurse" has to be an RN. in my state and the state i just moved from the nursing home had to employ an RN to get certification.

here there are ads in the papers for live-ins and they get room and board an hourly rate. they cook, clean and take care of the patient.

and home health might be an option, but they only come in, here, to bathe, change linens, etc.

good luck......

[SweetSunshine]

Well.. He made it a week without having to use his lifeline.. but he got up this morning and tried to get himself dressed. NOT GOOD. He ended up slipping off the bed and falling on the floor. Just 20 minutes before his caregiver would get there!?!?!?!? WTH? I wasnt mean to him but I did scold him. I just told him if he keeps this up that it may be out of my hands if he gets put in the nursing home. OHhh that made him mad. I said well then you gotta learn not to do this stuff alone. You need help that is all there is to it. I dont know what to do with this man and yet I dont know what to do with out him.

[Rose3]

safety is so very important

my goodness - slipping off the bed

is it difficulty re: transferring, is it leg weakness, is it dizziness

hope things work out okay