Bipolar Father - Out of Control

My dad has bipolar and I also have it...but my dad does not understand boundaries and does not listen. I needed to replace a fence in my backyard and I received some bids from contractors. Then I get laid off from my job. My dad offers to fix it for the cost of materials. He starts replacing the fence and then starts all these small projects around the yard. He's on SSDI so he doesn't work and has an abundance of time. I ended up paying the labor cost for the fence because he was crying broke. He still hasn't finished it and it's been weeks. A contractor at the same price could have finished it in 2 days. He is getting distracted with all these side projects. Oh, did I tell you that I Lent him $1000? Well, I asked him to not work on these extra side projects because honestly he's driving me crazy. After spending $750 dollars at homedepot on supplies (remember I'm now unemployed), he walks in with a list and says you need to buy all these extra supplies for these projects. I tell him no I don't have the money and we end up in a screaming match in the yard where all the neighbors can hear. I tell him to leave and he won't leave. He yells and then continues to work in the yard. So i leave. I go to my mom's for the night. When I return the next day, he has moved everything around in the yard (stuff sprawled all over the backyard) and he is continuing to work on side projects!(not the fence) He won't acknowledge that I need space and he's driving me "crazy"...oh did i mention in a fit of frustration that I handed him a check for $250 (now a total of $1000 for supplies) to buy remaining supplies so he can finish ALL the other projects he started and would otherwise leave uncompleted (that I didn't ask him to do) so he would get the **** out of my house. Well, he cashed the check and spent it on himself. My mom said it was a like a kid crying in the store for candy and the mom giving in and buying the kid candy. It's only enabling him to continue with this behavior. I think he's becoming hypomanic because he has been sending out a bunch of text messages to me and other family members telling us were *****es and assholes and talking about the past and basically just rambling on. He does that right before he becomes manic. Plus starting all the side projects? Wanting to spend my money like it's no big deal...I feel like he takes advantage of me and it makes me feel like a push over. At this point, I want him out of my life. He's toxic. I've been calling around to find a new psychologist to have someone to talk with on how to handle the situation with my dad. I'm also going to discuss it at my bipolar support group tonight.

If anybody has any similar experience or advice on how to handle the situation (my dad), please feel free to share...

Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you.

I'm so sorry you're going through such struggles... It must be really difficult on you. Just reading this paragraph, it made me incredibly tense. I think at the moment, you should stay at your mom's house, like you did before. You should just stay there for awhile, because it doesn't seem like your dad is going to budge any time soon. Just stay on the down low and wait until he leaves. If he doesn't, I think it's getting out of control and you might have to take drastic measures, whatever that may be, you decide what's the most acceptable action for you. You really should bring this up at the support group, as they'd probably have a lot better answers for you right now. But I would stay at my mom's place if that happened to me. You should wait there and see what happens. Because him taking all of your money isn't good for you financially and can leave you in some serious trouble. So, just wait. You may even have to call the authorities just to get things settled down. He won't get arrested, it's just a situation that's getting way too out of hand. I've had to call the police over one of the people I knew who were zapping my family of money and just rampaging throughout our lives. After that, they settled down for awhile. You don't need to go that extreme if you don't think that's fit. That's just what I did and what I would do during that situation.

Either way, I hope you feel better soon. Have a good day!

Hi Jennyanydots,

Wow. You have your hands full! Hugs to you, Jenny.

Is there just you and your mom in the family to deal with your dad?
Is there anyone he will listen to, or acquiesce to, when he's starting into mania?
Will he adjust his meds to address his mania, with or without someone else leaning on him to do so?
Will he contact his pdoc, assuming he has one, to ask for help without prompting from anyone else?

Do you think he knows he is in trouble with his condition?

What happens when he becomes manic?

If he's already texting nasty names, abusing people, what's next?
Can you be around what's next?

Does his exacerbation stress you enough to put your own health at risk?

Is it feasible to stay with your mom?
Do you need to be home?
Do you need him removed from your property?
Does he have a home to go to?
Does he need hospitalization when he goes into mania?
Is he ever violent?

I also feel the authorities can help without intending an arrest, IF you need him to leave your property (for any of various reasons). If he happens to become belligerent with the authorities, the reality of whether or not he gets himself arrested is really up to him and his own behaviors.

These are my initial responses. I will give it some more thought.

I am glad you have a support group meeting tonight!

Your own welfare and your own safety are important.

Please let us know how you are doing?

Thinking of You,
WC

I cannot relate to this situation, but wanted you to know you are heard and how sorry I am that you are going through this. It sounds very difficult and my heart goes out to you.

If you are thinking of ending this relationship, I'm glad you are seeking out help on how to handle it. It's a very big decision to kick someone such as a parent out of your life and you deserve support through this. Big hugs and lots of luck in everything. I hope you can get that fence up somehow. ((Hugs))