[Mapper]

Maybe it's Narcissistic Personality Disorder or maybe my husband is just a jerk, but he is certainly quick to anger over little things.

Sunday afternoon H was making soup. He was in a great mood. He had cooked down a pork roast in a pan and then put it in the pot with some stock. He then went and took a shower because we were expecting guests. Well I see dirty dishes in the sink and put them in the dishwasher. I am always cleaning up his messes because he never does it and I can't STAND to have a mess. I see the pan he used to cook the roast sitting on the stove so I wash that too. Big mistake! He comes out of the shower and sees that I washed the pan and gets mad saying "WHY did you wash the pan? I use that to cook the vegetables because it gives them a good flavor. You did this last time too! Would you at least ASK next time?! I guess I'll figure out something else to do then." Acting like this was THE WORST thing that I did all year! Then proceeded to stomp around the house. Chill the f**k out! I washed a pan because it was dirty. You didn't tell me to leave it and you know how I like to have things clean. The vegetables will be fine cooked on their own. Jeez, all this over a dirty pan. Then about 2 minutes after his outburst our friends stopped by and he turned on the charm. Calling me Sweetie and telling me how much he loved me in front of them. I just about said "Well you should have seen him right before you came. He was really upset with me." I HATE that he puts on this damn act in front of others. Then when they left he didn't talk to me for a bit and then came in all lovey dovey. Then last night I was once again cleaning up his mess. He made biscuits which stuck to the pan. I sprayed hot water on the pan and then started scraping off the biscuit residue. Well that was enough to have him leave his precious video game in the other room and come out all agitated telling me "STOP scraping that pan! You scrape off the coating and that's why things stick. Just let it soak!" I get irritated because he's not telling me in a calm, nice way, he's all agitated and pissed off about the damn pan! Once again acting like this was the worst thing I've done all year. I say to him "Well I guess I'll just have to buy you a bunch of new pans then since I mess all of them up". He rolls his eyes and goes "Or you could just not scrape them". I put the pan in the sink, turned off the tv, and went to bed and read. It was only 8:15 and I was in a good mood before this whole thing but once again, he goes and does his thing and upsets me. He then tried to be all lovey again. He KNOWS he upsets me but will never say "I'm sorry", only try to act like it never happened. Then he didn't come to bed until after 2AM because he was so busy with his video game and I knew at that point he wasn't going to go to work the next day because poor baby would have been too tired to work! I don't think he's going to work today either because he just wants to sit home and play his video game 24 hrs a day! But he doesn't care because he is SO sure that he is going to get this other job as a sales rep in the state and the ONLY one for this company.He just heard about it from a friend last week who asked him to send his resume to him so he could give it to his boss but really knows nothing about the job other than it has great benefits. The guy hasn't even said anything about whether the resume went to this guy but H is already talking about how he's got the job and he'll be traveling all over the state and is already telling others that if he does this then he'll be the only one in WA and then if they add more, he'll manage them and it just goes on and on about how he'll damn near own the entire company in a few years. I'm kind of hoping he never hears back from anyone so that he comes back down to earth!

[healingme4me]

Just noticed your post sitting here without a response. And I've seen and replied to another post in another forum.

I think without addressing the alcohol use, it is difficult to address a personality disorder.

My ex's pd was masked by alcohol, at the same time he had all the history of bpd. Eventually there was a professional prognosis of bipolar/bpd. Eventually, he had mandated counseling. By that point the damage was already done.

Now, my former therapist, alluded to npd as far as my father is concerned. My stepmom backed up this notion by sharing her t's opinion, as well.

So both pd's, I've real life experience with. I do believe my father can behave in atypical manic ways on top of it all, as opposed to my ex, which the bipolar part was head scratching for me.

Either way, both of these men are affected in their relationships because of it.

I think looking at early childhood is important to see if there's something that is a trigger mechanism ?

As a person on the other side of them, sorting out myself and working on boundaries etc is important.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

My mother was an alcoholic narcissist
Your description reminded me very much of her. One minute happy the next you put grease in the wrong jar and your a worthless f'n moron. Screaming and yelling and swearing then the phone would ring and she'd pick it up and use this SUPER fake sugar sweet voice..ugh! Always expected us to do more than she does. Unrelentingly so..first day would be can you please do the dishes..next dushes, mow lawn, take out trash...she would get so irate if we ever stayed more than a few days. The woman lived alone in practically a mansion. Just her and her two animals..but stay more than 3 days and you are overstating your welcome invading her space even if you were our all day and just grabbed a bite to eat and went to your bedroom to watch TV or read then sleep. Once I was out her way for a 2week course.. almost didn't get to finish cut she was so unreasonable, by the beginning of week 2 I was a lazy piece of ungrateful crap if I DARED try to take a nap after my 5hr seminar! No! As soon as I got back I was expected to do at least 3hrs of house/yard work minimum! Because she "could be charging $150 a night for the room and minimal food I ate there that I dint buy myself!....but yet she has 6 bedrooms not in use and can't stand me staying on a different floor entirely...nexayse I was invading her space,and being useless sucking up resources causing her to lose $$ for all my extravagant 10 min showers and using her stove/ microwave..not to mention all the electricity I was racking up with my nightshade lamp 60 watt high efficency bulb...that I would leave on while I studied or watched TV on my own device to the extremely unreasonable hr of 11pm! P.s. this was during summer didn't get dark til 8/9pm...sorry I could go on about my train wreak of a mother for eons! (Lol)..I feel your pain
- LITW

[Pinetree487]

No matter what is going on with him, its not a good thing to not apologize to you after getting so upset about something so little. Is he willing to talk to you about whats going on with your relationship without arguing or being rude? If not, thetes a problem, because issues need to be discussed to be worked out.