[Paraply]

Hi all,

I am seriously starting to think I have a problem. I will go straight to whatIi feel is causing me stress and anxiety and it is paranoia. I am 30 years old and for as long as I can remember I haven been paranoid. I live a normal life with my husband and son, studying at university at the moment but this paranoia never lets go of me. It is constantly there and it is causing me so much stress. I am a happy and outgoing person but I always feel as if I shouldnt talk too much to people since I feel they will use it against me or talk about me. I often imagine that someone is watching me (surely it is imagination) like years ago I would think my landlord would look through my window from upstairs (just listen to how I sound!!). I had no reason whatsoever to think so... Right now I am every now and then thinking there are cameras hidden in my bedroom by someone...
As I go to the shop around the corner and the man working there smiles I interpret his smile as if he knows something about me and that everyone has found out something and that they are all talking about me! This really stresses me out. I have in the past felt the same with other people that I dont even know but who has lived in my building.. that they know something about me and talk about me.
I used to be jealous but my husband is very loving so I feel secure with him most of the time eventhough the occasional idea pops up in my mind for no reason.

I keep thinking people will use things against me even ifI have only met them online. I would understand these fears if I was up to something bad but Im not. .

At times I can calm myself down trying to be rational and looking at facts but I actually have come to think that most people think like me in a way and that there is nothing strange about being defensive, extremly sensitive to criticism, thinking I am being watched or talked about, always looking for signs of deception in how some people talk (not all) to me or how they treat me.
Sometimes I feel as if I wish that I want to get really fooled and deceived just to get this over and done with.

I have had people commenting on my paranoia on several occasions but I do think I am keeping under control so people around me dont notice it too much. I am on the other hand not that great at keeping it under control inside of me. Right now im paranoid about something and am scared of going to bed since I know I will wake up in 2-3 hours feeling stressed and panicky and twisting and turning not knowing where to turn.
I really dont know what to do and whether I should bother get help or not. I do believe some kind of therapy could help in the long run, like to learn a strategy of thinking more rational. Does anyone have any advice or have experienced the same thing?

Love
P

[LMo]

Hi Ply:

First of all, I think it is hugely brave of you to share your concern here, in light of your suspicions that other people might use information against you. I don't have direct experience with paranoid disorder, but we have sought information from our psychologist about it because we are worried that my husband's mother is pretty entrenched in it now. All her life, she has been fleeing jobs, relationships, family, friends -- because she develops suspicions that they are somehow out to get her -- to fire her, to ruin her reputation, to steal from her, etc. You get the idea. There is always a conspiracy, it seems. It is very sad to think of how she must be feeling. We cannot talk with her about it because she gets suspicious wanting to know why we are asking. So, we took the situation to our therapist, who concluded that it most definitely sounds like a clinical case, but unfortunately the nature of the disorder makes treatment very difficult for people who don't believe that it is a disorder.

That's great that you are open to outside perspectives. I would definitely contact a psychologist and see if there is anything they can do. Ours said that if my husband's mom was open to therapy, there are relaxation techniques she could learn, as well as some tools to evaluate whether suspicion is reasonable or not. I think there is hope if you get help!

Best of luck to you,
LMo

.

Wow, you seem to have a really good understanding of what is going on for you. To realise on one level that it is to do with the way you are interpreting things. But it must be really hard to have those kind of thoughts keep occuring to you :-(

I get a bit paranoid when I am under severe stress, but it isn't something that I live with in the day to day sense. I also think you are very couragous to post here to us :-)

Are you seeing someone at the moment or are you on any medication at all? Sometimes meds can help with those kinds of thoughts.

[ghost]

i get paranoid, too....

it's an awful feeling. no one's ever really understood it about me, on the off chance i try to share.

[Paraply]

First of all, thank you all for your answers. Much appreciated. I am not seeing anyone and have never done that in the past either. I will probably go to someone to get this straight. I have for a few days now examined the way I act and speak to others and it really makes me jump how I keep on questioneing peoples loyalties all the time. I keep interpreting so many things as bad. Dont understand how people have been able to put up with me . I am however determined to improve my behaviour and mental state and hope to find support here and perhaps other people who is going through the same thing.

Love P

[jmo531]

I went to my pdoc yesterday and described some feelings I was having as paranoia. She told me because I have severe anxiety that paranoia can be part of my disorder. She said that these feelings are normal and as long as we can rationalize our fears then it will be ok. I hope this helps.

i can relate to paranoia... as anyone who has read my posts know....
do you notice a pattern? does the paranoia increase for a certain amount of time and then decrease? or is it constant.....

[giri_piri]

I live with what you live with, but I apparently have Delusional Disorder. Diagnosed a year ago... I thought I could overcome the demons myself but a year on I have decided that I need to get therapy as my conspiracies are growing by the day, so much now that when I go for job interviews I suspect that the subjects of my delusions have contacted them and said that I am some weirdo, to destroy my chances. So to avoid the possiblities I give away no information to them about what's going on in my life. I wish things didn't have to be that way, it's not right, it's not me...

Ulimately I beleive my wifes freinds and family do not want me with her and will go to any extent to make it seem like I am crazy and so I get so paranoid that I leave her; making me the bad guy, not them. I confront them when I hear something said and they deny it, making me look even worse <font color="brown"> </font> . Now I can't go to parties where they around as I beleive everyone thinks I am a weirdo and that they are telling everyone I am. Somehow, somewhere down the line, I have gained a sixth sense where I interpret everything around me as being against me and is part of this plot to destroy my life, when someone comes round to visit, I am convinced they are putting cameras around the place, bugging the place and are going to plant some incriminating eveidence to get me arrested so that I am out of my wifes life. The only way I see out is to leave my wife and break all links with these people who make me feel this way, but what would life be without my soul mate, who has stuck with me through this paranoid time... I feel for her as we have only just got married and don't want to take her life away by distancing myself and her from her family and friends who I so deeply mistrust and who she so deeply loves...

I can totally understand the way you think, and as I am doing, I think Therapy is a good idea, I have done a lot of reading to try and understand what is going on in my troubled mind. I beleive I can, you can overcome it or at least minimize it, with a little help...

Self taught Conginitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques helps me function better in day-to-day life...

[Myzen]

Hi Paraply,

I guess paranoia kicks in with a lot of the illnesses we deal with here. It seems to be part of being unsure about ourselves.

Once people get the idea that we are a bit different, and maybe we get defensive, then it's a vicious circle.

I remember having a really good reality check. I worked in an office and I had the growing idea that some people in the store room section didn't like me. I felt paranoid.

One day I was hanging on the phone about something and they must have forgotten I was there. Someone came into the room at the other end of the phone line and they started talking about me. They were ripping me to SHREDS. Talk about badmouthing, this was the works. I eventually put the phone down.

But, you know, I handled it and even felt better. Once I knew how petty they were, I wasn't afraid of them anymore. It was a tonic for me, odd as it sounds. I guess we just want to know who our friends (and enemies) are. We want to know where we stand.

Cheers, Myzen

[Kalamity]

I have a lot of difficulties with paranoia, to the extent that I am not able to talk freely about said paranoias other than to acknowledge that there is a problem.

I would recommend that you get the help if you can ask for it.