[kimthecatlover]

My roommate has Borderline Personality Disorder...and he's been a little upset lately. Rather than express his feelings he says things like "I am going to go off my medication so I'll wind up back in the hospital".."I'm going to go outside and write graffiti on the side of the building"..."I'm gonna go get drunk so I can be rehospitalized"..."I'm gonna try peyote and go crazy and kill everyone in this housing complex"..even though I know that he will not act on it..but he says it when I am assertive with him..he was talking loudly and I just asked him NICELY to be a little less loud....He started acting out and saying all that crazy stuff..he does not do it at his day treatment program, he knows if he does it there they will get on him about it...but he thinks it's perfectly okay to do it here and NOT care if it upsets me..Yes I have told him,nicely, that it upsets me..but he goes ahead and does it. He also has schizophrenia(I don't know if that is part of the problem)...I am at wit's end and sometimes it gets me crying..and I end up always on the short end of his fuse. Anyone who can help is appreciated.

Sorry Kim. Can you evict him? He sounds scarey.

[kimthecatlover]

He does not act on the stuff he says...lately he has been struggling with a broken hearing aid,and the 'loaner' aid he was given does not work well enough for him...also he told me the doc is considering putting him on Abilify..changing him from Zyprexa. He does not handle it well when things go wrong for him...I just wish his staff would work with him more on that...we are both in mental-health consumer run housing...and he IS my longtime friend. He has never been this bad before....We are having a house meeting on Friday, maybe with a peer counselor there he will have a chance to talk about the issues that bother him....

The thing you wrote about him saying he'll kill people in the housing complex wigged me out. Maybe you know him well enough to know he wouldn't but don't put up with that kind of talk. It's very frightening.
I hope someone can help you with this.
I really don't know what to say but I hope things work out for the both of you. Hang in there.

He knows it uspets you and so he is using it to get to you Im guessing during a time when you are not doing what he wants? If so his disorders have nothing to do with this. he's just learned to use his disorders to get his way. I'm guessing if the next time he pulls this and you look right at him and say thats fine Im going to go take a bath, do the dishes whatever) and then you go and do that he's going to think twice next time he pulls it. How do I know. I dated a guy on a motorcycle. whenever he didnt get his way, or we were disagreeing on something he would say he was going to get on his bike and run it into the first vehicle he saw driving towards him. First I bit into it gave him his way, let him make all the decisions. After months of this I had enough. I wanted to go to the fair, he wanted to stay home and wanted me to too. Liek always he made his threat and I said fine go ahead Im going to the fair and went to get ready. When I was ready to leave he walked out the door with me. when he saw I was indeed going to the fair he got on his motorcycle and headed down the street. I kept walking towards the fair. a car came along and he swerve out of its way. He caught up with me and you really would have let me get into an accident? I told him I wasn't letting him nothing. he was in complete control of his own behavior. He wants to throw a tempertantrum like my 5 year old cousin I would treat him like my 5 year old cousin and ignore the temper tantum and walk away. Now if he wanted to discuss things instead of throwing a temper tantrum next time I would be glad to do so. and I went to the fair. He NEVER again tried to manipulate me based on his mental problems of not being in control of his behavior again any disagreements we had he took the time to talk it out. Take care.

[kimthecatlover]

It's not right that our mental-health housing staff KNOWS that he acts that way..and seemingly does nothing major about it. I have tried to tell him about it also..he also has outbursts where he says nonsense stuff when we're in public, and I tell him it's embarrassing to me when he acts out like that. He has an illness, YES, but I think he needs to be taught, without any hesitation or exceptions, that certain behaviors are ABSOLUTELY unacceptable..

I have cerebral palsy.. My voice embarrasses people, I have taken speach classes as a child and my voice is where it is for the rest of my life. +my cerebral palsyed walk embarrasses people. My shaking hands embarrasses people. in fact a DHS caseworker tried to claim I was seriously mentally disturbed because during a meeting with her I was under stress which agrivates the control I have at keeping my arms and hands from spasming and jerking. I have takes rehab but again I am at the maximum function level that I can be. sometimes the things I do and say things that are are different from others because Cerebral palsy is a neuromuscular desease in which brain cells have died.Rehab and classes can only do so much in teaching the good cells to take over the work of the dead brain cells.. There is nothing I can do about this or allieviating other peoples embarrassment. They either have to accept me the way I am or it's good bye your loss.

You said the staff knows he is like this and are not doing anything about it so that tells me there is most likely something on file like a medical report explaining that these things are beyond his control. I know you are not going to like this but these behaviors may be "ABSOLUTELY unacceptable for you but for him he may be medically at his best and now it could be a matter of you accepting him or not. Telling him he is an embarrassment is not going to solve the problem. In fact it may make his amount of control worse.

[January]

Hi Kim,

You are having a really tough time and I wish it wasn't happening. I know you are friends with this man, but he is emotionally abusing you. You need to take care of yourself first. Talk to the staff and talk to your friend's Dr if you can.

My best to you,

Jan

[Rapunzel]

Kim,

I'm sorry I didn't get to this earlier, and hope that my answer can still help a little. Your roommate reminds me of something I've just learned. I'm rather borderline too, and I'm a self-injurer. I use self injury to deal with emotions that I can't handle. What I have learned recently is that when I tell someone that I want to hurt myself, that is not the same thing as expressing my feelings. I thought that it was though, and since I couldn't deal with feelings I used that instead and offered it in place of talking about my feelings.

What I am wondering if if maybe your roommate, when he is having difficulty with his feelings, says those things thinking that he is expessing what he is feeling. If that is it, then you could tell him that saying things like that doesn't tell you about his emotions or feelings, and ask him to tell you "I feel ___ because ___" instead. That might be hard for him to do, but if he has support he will be able to work it out.

Let me know if you try it, how it works, ok?

Rap

[kimthecatlover]

I used to have major problems with borderline personality issues..instead of expressing my feelings honestly with someone I could trust...I did stuff like running away to another city and getting myself put in a psych ward in that city hoping to avoid my issues..of course that didn't work because my staff hauled me right back to my hometown and TOLD ME ABOUT IT in no uncertain terms..I also used to self abuse via trying to kill myself,again because I refused to talk about my feelings...add to that being a compulsive overeater...I have learned to deal with my feelings through talking about them face to face..in mental-health and disabled support chatrooms..blogging...all work for me. It keeps my head on straight. I hope someday my roomie is able to get to the point I'm at now.

[DanielleVyas]

Remember that in your situation you need to insure that you are safe in all aspects your overall health and well being as well as your physical safety.
I would suggest you write a letter to him not to send or give him but to arrange and organize what you need to communicate with him (I think you said him). Then sit down in a neutral environment and discuss the issues you both are facing.

Hope this helps
Danielle V.