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#1
Jun 25, 2005, 10:57 AM
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I am struggling today feeling MIGHTY bad about myself and hating what I do to cope with my pain. I have marked up arms right now from the night before going into hospital and they stand out BIG time now. I went to a wedding reception for a friend yesterday who goes to our church and LOTS of people from our church were there and I have not seen them in a VERY long time....they would come up to me and ask about my arms "what happened" UGH I wanted to DIE so bad......I just kept saying nothing and they would say that is not nothing, then other times I would just pull my arm away and walk away...........boy what a stressful evening it was........I was so ASHAMED and HATED myself so much...........I hate summer now.....it is so stinking hot and I cannot hide my arms like in the cooler months........JUST STRUGGLING so bad right now..........even wanting to cut more..........hate this vicious cycle I am on thanks for listening.........
__________________
"My Therapist always says there is HOPE, so he continues to be my light of HOPE even on my darkest of days" |
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#2
Jun 25, 2005, 11:31 AM
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What you speak of are experiences that are very hard to go through. Summer, people, shame, self-hatred. My burn/cut cross shows too...people stare...some ask. I share your struggles...and care. (((((((H))))))
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#3
Jun 26, 2005, 01:42 PM
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(((((Hope)))))
I know what you're going through, and it is really tough. One guy asked me one day if I was a freak and if Freddy Crouger had gotten ahold of my arm because my scars are so deep and bright. It really hurts when people ask or make comments on your cuts/scars, but remember they are ignorant to this... They just don't understand and we can't be mad at them for not understanding, all we can do is either explain to them what we go through, or ignore them the best we can. I hope your summer gets better. (((((Hope)))))
__________________
... What's this life for? |
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#4
Jun 27, 2005, 10:23 AM
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(((((((((((Hope)))))))))))))
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#5
Jun 27, 2005, 12:25 PM
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Thanks everyone for you support and encouragements
it HELPS a lot to know I am not alone in this matter. Went shopping yesterday and when I went to hand my money to cashier she looked at my arm and then looked up at me and I could see the disgust in her eyes..............man summer is tough...  going to the beach Wednesday through next thursday and that will be hard too.........cannot hide anything in a bathing suit.....UGH 
__________________
"My Therapist always says there is HOPE, so he continues to be my light of HOPE even on my darkest of days" |
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#6
Jun 27, 2005, 06:09 PM
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(((((Hope)))))
It's hard huh? My scars aren't that noticable but I'm starting to get paranoid as i go on holiday with my family next week, and when i get a suntan you can notice them more, and it freaks me out incase parents ask.  
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#7
Jun 27, 2005, 09:56 PM
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I was worried about summer too, since this winter/spring is when I cut the worst. I think that my scars seem more noticable to me because I know that they are there. Not that I should ever do it, but sometimes when I really feel like it I wish it was long sleeve weather. (By the way, I would not recommend the lower abdomen, it doesn't show, but it was "creepy") Sorry, I "slipped up" just recently. Just to let you know, I know how you feel. HUGS!
__________________
 complic8d"Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos-your reality I know well what lies beyond my secret refuge The nightmare I built my own world to escape." ♥evanescence♥
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#8
Jun 27, 2005, 09:59 PM
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Oh, yeah, I just remembered. When I was in the hospital the last time a guy was talking about this girl's scars and was saying how "weird" that is. I promptly set him straight and tried to explain why one would do that. I don't know if he understood or not, I don't care, I stood up for her, myself, and the rest of us! TC!
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complic8d"Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos-your reality I know well what lies beyond my secret refuge The nightmare I built my own world to escape." ♥evanescence♥
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#9
Jun 28, 2005, 10:47 PM
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i don't cut, but i have a niece who does. so, i'm very sympathetic to the problem of summer and bare arms. recently, i found a blouse, for myself, that is made of a very thin and pretty cotton. it is teal blue and it is cool to wear, in hot weather. it has three-quarter length sleeves. i know that is such a rarity, but you might ask at some of your favourite stores. call them...don't go in.......and if you can sew, get a pattern and make yourself something really pretty...cause you deserve it, first, and then, because it covers your arms. xoxo pat
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#10
Jul 30, 2005, 04:33 PM
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Yuh I got that going on too.
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...she's a difficult girl...
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#11
Jul 30, 2005, 05:35 PM
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Have you tried using a Red magic marker? I have heard that this helps some people. You preform the same action with the marker (red because of its symbolism for blood).
__________________
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened - Dr. Suess 
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#12
Aug 06, 2005, 04:11 PM
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Distract them- don't give them time to look at the marks. uhm. i wear a wristband pretty much all year round. And they're in all different colors so you can still match.
 Most people haven't noticed. And maybe this is bad advice but it's what I do- I lie. It's honestly none of their buisness so I just tell them I got pushed thru a window when I was little.
__________________
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. For nothing now can ever come to any good. W.H. Auden -Funeral Blues |
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