My roommate is such a mess

I've recently moved into a apartment and I have a roommate. I didn't meet her until the day I moved in and the place was a total mess. The next day I bought tons of cleaning products and cleaned up all her mess. I rather just clean it myself so that I could get it into the conditions that would be comfortable for me to live in. She saw how much I was scrubbing and washing the kitchen and bathroom counters and the times I vaccumed the living room.

How do I deal with her if she doesn't maintain the cleanliness of the apartment. I've never had a roommate before so I really dont know how to deal with such thing. She doesn't do her own dishes and its been sitting there for a week now. I am so tempted to was them myself but I'm holding myself back from that because I dont want to be taken advantage of.

How do I deal with such a room mate?

IMHO-You are being taken advantage of. I have a few questions for ya as well OK through out my post. It seems as if she doesn't care and never has. If she did it would have been clean for you before you moved in with her. Maybe she knows that you will clean it up. The question is how long has she lived this way? Some people are set in there ways. If you are raised that way sometimes it's hard to change. Do you live in a Dorm Apartment? Can you request a new roomate? Can you maybe get your own place and get a different roomate? You can't live this way especially if you are a very clean person. It just won't work.
Have you tried to speak with her about it? Does she take your feelings into consideration?
I am sorry that you were kind of put into this situation. I hope my post may help you.

I am 58, and I have never been able to live successfully with others as roommates, so I'm the last person to offer advice. I worry about the future when I'm on a fixed income and may need to do so, so it will be interesting to find out what others say.

This sounds like a bad introduction to roommate life for you. ((((((((((((((Jen))))))))))

Being a messy person myself I am practically a part of my mess. I like it and I wouldn't feel comfortable in a totally sterile place. But I don't live alone and therefore I have to respect the fact that others can have a slightly different opinion on the matter. So I do what I can to keep my mess from going farther than my room's doorstep. When I don't feel like doing my dishes I just leave them in my room so they don't offend anyone and besides I hate others cleaning up after me.

I think you should talk to your roommate about it and explain that she should limit her mess to the inside of her room and at least try to keep the shared area moderately clean. If she won't listen then I think you should consider finding a new apartment and a new roommate if it's possible. You definitely should not clean up her mess, she'll get used to it and will be taking advantage of you on a regular basis.

Good luck,

sparkling

I'm with Sparkling. I think you have to have a heart-to-heart with your roommate but I would have a hard time with that. I'd be inclined to clean "half" or a bit more, make my "areas" comfortable for me and ignore hers. I remember in college my roomate and good friend was clean and orderly and I really envied her and loved living with her because she was pleasant that way. I wasn't "dirty" exactly but was a slob but she kept her areas the way she wanted and I let mine "go" (whatever that means :-)

My husband and I are live and let live but I'm still a greater mess maker than he is but could be my perception because I also pretty much run the house and "do"/buy more? We made an agreement long ago that I'd shop/cook and he'd do the dishes. Now though we kind of share all that (he makes breakfast and I sometimes do the dishes if they're in my way or bothering me).

You might try giving her choices when you're doing things/together or ask her to lend a hand ("Would you help me move the couch so I can vacuum behind it?")? Something like "How about if I make dinner and you clean up" (or vice versa) might ease her into thinking of cleaning as a joint activity as well as helping you get to know her? I guess if the person who moved in after me started cleaning right away I'd feel "threatened" a bit?

Talk while you're cleaning or cooking or "borrow" (or pretend to be interested in borrowing) something of hers or comment in an interested way on something you see ("I like the pattern on your dishes, do you remember where you got them?"). Give her the opportunity to feel like you're interested in "her" and not just her mess :-) and to comment on your cleaning "style" perhaps, etc. You could try for "humor" but unless you get to know her a bit first, that might not work/be appropriate or be misunderstood.

Wish I had some advice for you ... I know what you're talking about though, I really do. My roomate does the same thing (pretty much anyways).

If you can move out or find another roomate, thats great.

You could also sit down with her and discuss some expectations and general rules (upkeep or otherwise) that would make cohabitating more easy. (List of things like who will take out garbage, when to have people over etc ... stuff that should be common curteousy, but that your roomate might not "get")

Hope that helps.

I really like Perna's suggestion to make sure that you show interest in other things about the roommate, not just her mess.

I've had messy roommates too. Sometimes it helped to sit and talk about chore division and make up a schedule. Sometimes it's just a little adjusting on both sides - a bit messier than you'd like, more sterile than she would. But if you've moved in with a hardcore slob basically all you can control is your reaction. Decide what's really important to you (dishes washed, or counters wiped, or bathroom spotless, whatever) and resign yourself to the idea that you may just have to clean it yourself to avoid stress. Not fair, but is it worth more to be angry and resentful that it's not clean or to just clean it yourself?

The person who cares less in a relationship is the one with the most power, I once heard, and that's been my experience with slobs.

Hope it works out.