[Frostbitten_Kiss]

I was severely abused as a child, both physically and emotionally. I was neglected and taken away from my mother at age 10. My father had no idea this was all going on. five years later, my mother (the abuser) passed away, and her side of the family blamed me saying if it was not my fault she would still be here. I was in therapy for over a year. I haven't talked to them since.

I saw a therapist for about a year. I felt that I improved and decided to discontinue my therapy. Now, my boyfriend has requested that I return. My symptoms have been worst than ever and I feel that my relationship is at risk.

I think I may have BPD. I have read through the symptoms and I display several of them. However, when I was in therapy my therapist talked about being concerned for multiple personality disorder. I don't know if either is a good assumption, but I thought you all might be able to help.

My relationship has been most affected lately. It is my first serious (most of my other relationship were over before they began - longest was a month) and I have been seeing parts of my personality that I never knew existed. I have become controlling to the point that Ever love milestone we enter is planned by me. I have become needy - I freak out if he leaves me for a day. I have become negative and paranoid. I loose my temper and scream sometimes. I just feel that I am a horrible person.

My personality before the relationship was always here and there. I was very dramatic and enjoyed quick high paced relationships - I always ended them and feared being rejected. I am very clingy with friendships. I can only have one friend at a time, and usually it has to be a single person I can control. I have had my vurrent best friend for four years and I can't do anything without her. I fear social situations because I fear everyone is talking to me, BUT I am quite the charmer when it is a one on one situation. I have low self esteme, but I prance around like I own the world. I hate being alone.

I am getting to the point where I hate myself. A month ago I began having suicidal thought because I fear that I have nothing going for me in life (this is untrue, I am in college, I have great friends, a patient boyfriend, lots of social events and personal time... but I still feel empty). Blah.. does this make any sense or am I just being silly? Input would help

[kimmydawn]

hi frostbittenkiss and welcome! it certainly sounds as if you need to get yourself back into therapy. please believe me that therapy can help immensely.

there is a reason that your therapist suspected MPD. are you blamed for things you know you haven't done? do ppl act like they know you but you don't know them? do you "wake up" and don't know where the time has gone? childhood abuse will come out and affect the adult just when their life seems safe and settled.

remember this...you are a SURVIVOR! you've kept yourself alive to this point by doing whatever you had to do survive. i'm proud of you.

with your childhood affecting you so much in current life, you need to see a good therapist that deals with abuse survivors and trauma. maybe you could see the therapist you saw before?

you deserve the best life has to offer you dear...reach out and grab it with both hands please!

btw, i'm a survivor myself who is diagnosed MPD/DID. i have a family and a good life. it can and does get better. you don't deserve what was given you. however, as an adult, it's up to you and no one else to take it out, look at it and place it so it fits into your life now.

i wish you the BEST OF LUCK. please let us know what you decide and how you're doing.

we care.

kd

[(JD)]

Welcome frost, to psychcentral.

That the other family blames you is their problem, and obviously a pattern of their dysfunctional family. That it still bothers you is more my concern.

Glad your bf can feel secure enough to make the suggestion for you. What can it hurt to return and refresh with a therapist? Maybe the one year was able to put you on a functional level for that time, but didn't square away everything? No fault involved.

Nothing silly about it, your way of coping no longer is working and now you can work on it some more. What's wrong with that? Nothing imo.

Everyone needs therapy from time to time. It's those who recognize this and go for help that are the winners! TC welcome again.