Co-dependency on parent

Hi

I have been lurking for a while now on this forum, and after a bit of a break down this week, thought it might help to share my story.

For as long as I can remember I have viewed the world as a big scary place, and have also run back to parents for help, guidance and approval. My dad and I have a particularly close relationship. I am a 28 year old female, and view my dad as my best friend. When I am feeling down because of work or relationships, he will go out of his way to make me happy, by taking me on a drive so I can cry and vent, or just sending me regular texts to see how I am. He is a very caring father and has been much more lenient and generous than any other parents I have seen or heard about. When I describe him to my therapist she wonders why I am making him seem like 'God' but the thing is, he is like God to me.

From a really early age I started to obsess over what life would be like without my dad around and how bad it would feel. How I wouldn't be able to function or continue working. When everything else is going to c*ap in my life, he is one of the few people who can give me hope, so I'm scared when he's not around, that hope will be gone.

I am also co-dependent on my best friend and boyfriend, which I know is unhealthy, but it's my relationship with my parents (mostly dad) which worry me the most. He said he felt the same about his dad when he was younger, and that he grew out of it and managed to stop worrying. But I can't see that happening with me.

I feel like such a freak because I worry about this almost on a daily basis now, and can bring myself to tears just at the thought of losing him.

Has anyone else got this problem? Thanks for reading

hi londongirl
it must be very scary to have so much of your happiness contingent on other people. i hope your therapist is working on this with you. i think the world is a big scary place to and that is why i trust nobody but myself. do they have a codependents anonymous there? welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Hello Londongirl: Thanks for sharing this. I can't say as I can relate to your situation. I was not close to my parents when they were alive. And they've both been gone now for many years. I can imagine your situation must be both marvelous & scary at the same time. I wonder if you have ever had the opportunity to talk about your concerns with your Dad in particular. My best wishes to you...

I can actually really relate to this. I also refer to my dad as my best friend and once even had a panic attack about him dying, so much so, that I ran into his room at night crying saying I didn't want him to ever die and I don't know how I'm going to function when he does. I realize this is also unhealthy and to make matters worse, my dad is really old and has a lot of health issues that make him a ticking time bomb. As much as it hurts, it helps to gradually think about your parent's eventual death before it happens so that you can better prepare yourself for it emotionally. Not thinking about it will make the actual event feel like you've been hit by a train you didn't see coming.
Realistically think about your actions, your support system, and your coping mechanisms that you will use when that actually happens. Little by little, start to depend more on yourself rather than an outside source. Try to move the feelings of safety that you have for your dad towards yourself and your own capabilities and your own strength and safety.
That's the best and only advice I can give to you because I'm in the same situation. I'm just praying I don't lose my mind when it actually happens and go into a catatonic state. Wow that'll be fun *sarcasm*.

Sorry for the late reply and thanks so much for your advice. It's helpful to know I'm not the only one who feels like this