[loveneverfails90]

Okay let's start this with saying I don't remember ever being diagnosed with a disorder before. But my behavior indicates that it might be the case. I know I'm depressed. Taking medicine for that. But there's a whole other list of symptoms.

I get very anxious about issues in life. It could be work, conflict(I hate conflict!), relationships with people. I've had panic attacks when I was in high school without warning, having irrational fears of dying, going to sleep, ect.

I cry a lot. Over arguments, or people getting loud. When I get angry I end up crying as well. Sometimes I can be really really happy, then my mood takes a turn for the worse for no reason.

I have a lot of insecurities. And I've needed constant assurance from other people, telling me that I'm okay, that I'm making the right choices, or just to lift my spirits. I've been a little better about that, now that I live on my own, but the thoughts still persist every now and again that I'm worthless, crazy, ugly, too fat (which logically i know i'm not). I've suffered from an eating disorder before as well has having a history of self harm.

When I get into a relationship with a guy I'm constantly scared he's going to leave me after I fall for him. I get scared when he doesn't message me or call me. I get very depressed if I can't see him after 3 or 4 days. I get upset if I don't feel security on his side of things. And the bad thing is that the guys have always left me. Even when I hid that part of me from them. The worst was when I was engaged after a 3 year relationship and he up and ended the relationship during an episode (he was bipolar II). Logically I know it wasn't my fault, but it didn't make me feel any better.

The guy before that cheated on me. So I guess you can say I have trust issues. I get scared that there's no good guys out there who are willing to commit and support me through thick and thin, who will give a hundred percent like I do. Not expecting perfection, but someone who's willing to man up for me. I love very hard, but I'm also a big handful. I laugh a lot. But I cry a lot too.

I wish I was a stronger person, that I could handle things and myself better. I wish I wasn't crying so much sometimes over nothing. My medicine has helped with that aspect but I still feel all choked up. And I still have negative thoughts. Always expecting the worse. Why do I feel this way?

Hello loveneverfails90: I can't answer your question. This is the type of thing people see therapists for. (You don't mention whether or not you see one.) A therapist can get to know you & come to some conclusions with regard to what's going on with you.

You mention you are taking med's for depression. Do you see a psychiatrist? If so, this person should be able to give you a diagnosis as well. If your depression med's are being prescribed by a general practice doctor, perhaps it's time to see a psychiatrist.

I don't know how old you are. But I'll presume you're still quite young. What you're experiencing may simply be the type of things everyone goes through growing up. On the other hand, it could also be something more serious. The best way to find out is to see a mental health professional. My best wishes to you.

[loveneverfails90]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Hello loveneverfails90: I can't answer your question. This is the type of thing people see therapists for. (You don't mention whether or not you see one.) A therapist can get to know you & come to some conclusions with regard to what's going on with you.

You mention you are taking med's for depression. Do you see a psychiatrist? If so, this person should be able to give you a diagnosis as well. If your depression med's are being prescribed by a general practice doctor, perhaps it's time to see a psychiatrist.

I don't know how old you are. But I'll presume you're still quite young. What you're experiencing may simply be the type of things everyone goes through growing up. On the other hand, it could also be something more serious. The best way to find out is to see a mental health professional. My best wishes to you.

I do go and see a therapist and a psychiatrist. My psychiatrist asked me a bunch of question about my history and symptoms. He determined that I 'may' have a chemical imbalance. And the medicine does help. But like i said, never properly diagnosed. They gave me lexapro to start me off, but that didn't work so well so then they switched to zoloft. It was like a trial and error thing. No real diagnosis. Plus it's really hard to see them on a regular basis because they're booked up for months at a time. It's difficult.

Yes, it's very much the same with me... no diagnosis... the pdocs I've seem have just always put me on something to see how it works... or doesn't... This is part of the reason I stay on Cymbalta. Why bother to go through the whole trial-&-error thing over-&-over again?

[loveneverfails90]

Yeah that's how I feel lol. Stick with the one that seems to take the edge off without making me feel numb.

[BeYou]

I think you feel this way because while growing up you had the people around you that were not big on encouragements. That is how I grew up. For my mother was never nothing good enough. So i grew up thinking i need to please everybody and I am not enough what ever I do. It is natural for us to listen to other people in order to survive. Imagine when we were living in caves. If you are not the part of the tribe, then you die hungry! So it is natural that you want other people to listen to you and appreciate you. But the problem is that your young experiences where too negative and bloke yours spirit. But there is a way out! You can decide that you want to more, and you will stop listening to your story you keep on playing in your head! And - be easy on yourself! Be your own best friend. Would you treat a friend as you are treating yourself?

[puppylove_me]

I have a couple of different diagnoses but just got the proper one 4 years ago (BPD) They had been treating me with bipolar meds for years before that and obviously it wasn't helping my symptoms. I experience a lot of the same symptoms as you so I can relate. Is there anywhere near you that you could see a therapist on a more consistent basis? I've been going now for 4 years and it has made a world of difference for me. I've learned ways to cope with many of my behaviors and sometimes I can even recognize them and stop. Please don't give up!! There is hope, I feel like you just need a good therapist that will work with you on a consistent basis. **Hugs** If you ever need to talk to someone privately or just rant or whatever, you can private message me and I will do my very best to listen and give you what advice I can honestly. Good luck. You can get through this!!
PS you aren't crazy or worthless or any of those thoughts that persist in your mind!! My guess would be that you've never had anyone validate your feelings or made you feel like you were important and that your feelings DO matter. I went through that but I am working on those negative thoughts. I try to think of st least one positive thing in my life a day and I try to reverse my negative thoughts and reactions to a better, more positive way once I calm down to use next time. Its a slow process but I can start to see results now. You ARE very important and very much worth the best!!

[puppylove_me]