[Legend_of_Light]

Hello,

I've been thinking lately about how I interact with other people, and I'm pretty confused. I was wondering if I might have a disorder, and if so, what it would be. Here's my situation.

I'm a 22 year old guy, and I've never been interested in having friends. I've never felt lonely, either. However, I love helping people, and due to my kindness and the way I act I've had a lot of friendships over the years as a result.

But the friendships rarely get anywhere because I have no desire to pursue friendships. I'm happiest when I'm alone. I dislike being with only one person, and I dislike 1 on 1 conversations as well. However, talking with large groups of people makes me happy, though, as does helping people.

This confuses me greatly. It's like I have qualities of an introvert, and also an extrovert. However, both introverts and extroverts still desire friendship, while I don't. In the past I thought maybe it was anxiety, but then I would still fill lonely, not to mention the fact I like being in large groups, which causes me to think it isn't anxiety.

Does anyone have any idea about what might be going on? Thank you!

[Skeezyks]

Hello Legend_of_Light: The Skeezyks welcomes you to PsychCentral! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

[Legend_of_Light]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Legend_of_Light: The Skeezyks welcomes you to PsychCentral! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Thank you!

[Finniky]

So, you said you are not interested in friendship, which eliminates some disorders wherein people desire friendship greatly but are overwhelmed by the fear of rejection, abandonement, etc. Do you experience any anxiety or fears about actually building relationships beyond face value? Did you ever in the past feel fear or anxiety about building or maintaining relationships, but then evolved to avoidance, and then disinterest?

If none of those are you... I can think of one thing that it could be that isn't really caused by anxiety and fears, which is social anhedonia. It is where you have a decreased ability to feel pleasure from socialization, or interpersonal relationships. The characteristics of it vary between people. In general it causes decreased need in social contact, lack of friendship, and worse things as well, like depression... but it varies. To other peopld you would just appear indifferent about being friends with people. But it is because you do not feel a normal amount of pleasure and 'positive affect' from interpersonal relationships.

[mehverything]

Sounds like you're me but in a year's time.

I'm a 21 year old guy and I'm making my way through a period of self discovery at uni. I found your post through googling "no desire for friendship", after realising that I don't think of anyone as a best friend or close friend. I find it hard to truly call someone (like a close peer) a friend however long I've spent with them. It hit me hard that almost everyone I've ever known has lost interest in me since I stopped going to school with them. My hurt feelings were probably because I thought not having lasting friends meant I was a loser, but not that I was sad any of them in particular were gone.

I've been looking at something called (covert) Schizoid Personality Disorder, and I have been wondering if my general indifference towards company, friendship, and personal attachment are necessarily a symptom of this personality type.

I'll bullet a few notable relevant qualities I think I have:

• I have almost always been content with staying at home alone, doing my own things
• I'm particularly outgoing and can just approach people, with no social fear
• I don't get noticably embarassed when I cock up
• I can have a good night when out with people, clubbing, meeting new folks
• Some times I want to be alone
• I can be pretty stone faced in social situations whatever is happening, unless I try to engage in the name of being social
• I always try to be helpful and almost overtly kind to people regardless
• I make acquaintance-friends easily because I am very accommodating
• I've found that in new long term settings (like school), I've ended up acquainting myself with a large number of people, and as a result my closer school friends would be surprised that everyone seems to know me
• My long term friendships have all been superficial, because of my lack of input away from the school scene, and little affection
• One on one I am dull as, my interests are quite solitary so they set me apart from most, and I am not a passionate person
• I don't generate many opinions passively, I tend to accept things as they are, and will find reasons to rationalise them rather than complaining etc
• When I was younger I was quite quirky, weird, eccentric, and I was aware of how other people saw me, but behaved like I wasn't
• I've recently had to learn to show emotions outwardly, instead of the mask I would usually put on
• I'm almost always melancholic and pessimistic about life, despite maybe putting on a happy persona
• My brother used to ask why I was upset all the time, but it was just normal for me
• I didn't like opening up to other people about my personal thoughts, because I wouldn't be able to explain them coherently
• I am not close to my family, my brother routinely antagonised me so i dropped him emotionally, my father was cold and barely had a conversation with me, my mother was a loving person, but I still don't feel an attachment bond with her which would break her heart
• As a kid I never liked to stand out or gain people's attention as a result of exposing myself emotionally

How well do these things describe you?

What is your opinion OP?

[Legend of Shadow]

Originally Posted by mehverything

Sounds like you're me but in a year's time.

I'm a 21 year old guy and I'm making my way through a period of self discovery at uni. I found your post through googling "no desire for friendship", after realising that I don't think of anyone as a best friend or close friend. I find it hard to truly call someone (like a close peer) a friend however long I've spent with them. It hit me hard that almost everyone I've ever known has lost interest in me since I stopped going to school with them. My hurt feelings were probably because I thought not having lasting friends meant I was a loser, but not that I was sad any of them in particular were gone.

I've been looking at something called (covert) Schizoid Personality Disorder, and I have been wondering if my general indifference towards company, friendship, and personal attachment are necessarily a symptom of this personality type.

I'll bullet a few notable relevant qualities I think I have:

• I have almost always been content with staying at home alone, doing my own things
• I'm particularly outgoing and can just approach people, with no social fear
• I don't get noticably embarassed when I cock up
• I can have a good night when out with people, clubbing, meeting new folks
• Some times I want to be alone
• I can be pretty stone faced in social situations whatever is happening, unless I try to engage in the name of being social
• I always try to be helpful and almost overtly kind to people regardless
• I make acquaintance-friends easily because I am very accommodating
• I've found that in new long term settings (like school), I've ended up acquainting myself with a large number of people, and as a result my closer school friends would be surprised that everyone seems to know me
• My long term friendships have all been superficial, because of my lack of input away from the school scene, and little affection
• One on one I am dull as, my interests are quite solitary so they set me apart from most, and I am not a passionate person
• I don't generate many opinions passively, I tend to accept things as they are, and will find reasons to rationalise them rather than complaining etc
• When I was younger I was quite quirky, weird, eccentric, and I was aware of how other people saw me, but behaved like I wasn't
• I've recently had to learn to show emotions outwardly, instead of the mask I would usually put on
• I'm almost always melancholic and pessimistic about life, despite maybe putting on a happy persona
• My brother used to ask why I was upset all the time, but it was just normal for me
• I didn't like opening up to other people about my personal thoughts, because I wouldn't be able to explain them coherently
• I am not close to my family, my brother routinely antagonised me so i dropped him emotionally, my father was cold and barely had a conversation with me, my mother was a loving person, but I still don't feel an attachment bond with her which would break her heart
• As a kid I never liked to stand out or gain people's attention as a result of exposing myself emotionally

How well do these things describe you?

What is your opinion OP?

This is OP, just from another account, as I had a lot on my mind when I made this post, and forgot I even made it, along with the fact I had an account on the site when I later made this one for an unrelated issue. Heh. Anyway, we share a lot of similarities, so I’ll only bring up the points in which I feel we are very different:

--I don't generate many opinions passively, I tend to accept things as they are, and will find reasons to rationalise them rather than complaining etc

I tend to be pretty blunt about how I feel. If I have a different opinion than someone I’ll mention it unless I feel the only thing it’ll accomplish is negativity, in which I’ll keep it to myself.

--When I was younger I was quite quirky, weird, eccentric, and I was aware of how other people saw me, but behaved like I wasn't

When I was young I never cared about what others thought of me, or compared myself to others. Looking back at my childhood and teenage years now I can see some differences, but the only things that really stand out is that I was shy, and also that I was overconfident in my abilities. Yet I almost always seemed to accomplish what I attempted, which sadly didn’t cause me to realize how overconfident I was until later in life when it was like running into a wall made out of reality.

--I'm almost always melancholic and pessimistic about life, despite maybe putting on a happy persona

I’ve had a lot of bad things happen to me in life, and I was very pessimistic for a long time as a result. I’m optimistic now though because I saw how detrimental pessimism was to my happiness, and so my outlook on life gradually changed during the past 1.5 years where I’ve made a huge effort to better myself.

--My brother used to ask why I was upset all the time, but it was just normal for me

I rarely ever share how I feel to people, and I tend to not outwardly show emotions other than happiness.

--I am not close to my family, my brother routinely antagonised me so i dropped him emotionally, my father was cold and barely had a conversation with me, my mother was a loving person, but I still don't feel an attachment bond with her which would break her heart

I had a really rocky relationship with my mom as a kid and teenager, but we’ve patched things up. That being said, we’re not that close because even though she cares a lot about me she’s very judgemental, (To everyone, and unconsciously) so I tend to not talk to her much. My relationship with my dad has always been good.

Overall, looking at what you wrote, I think we’re similar except in how we present ourselves to others. For the majority of my life I never cared what others thought of me, so I never tried to be like other people. I was home-schooled, which lessened my social interactions, and some other stuff, such as being bedridden for several years, meant I definitely haven’t had the same level of social experience as you. That, coupled with the fact that very few people have been bothered with how I act, mean I haven’t felt to need to act “covert” about it like you said.

That being said, I am bothered with it, but for what I think is a different reason. It sounds like it bothers you because you want other people to see you as normal, but for me it bothers me simply because it’s frustrating to me. I like to help people, but don’t like deep relationships, or much of a relationship with anyone at all. The nicer I am, the more people who want to be my friend, and I don’t desire friends. So I wish I desired friendship because it would be a perfect combination with my desire to help others, instead I’m basically at a point where I’m no longer helping people like I once did because it creates more negatives than positives due to how I am.

Thank you for responding. After looking up some more about Schizoid Personality Disorder, it looks like that’s what I have. I’m currently seeing a psychologist, so I’ll bring this up with him. You asked my thoughts, so I’d say you probably have it too. Sadly, our situations appear to be different in the fact that you have a lot more social activity, meaning it probably has a bigger negative effect on you than it does me. Regardless, I’m confident you can be happy. Even if you’re not like other people, it certainly doesn’t make you a loser like you mentioned.

Even though I don’t care what others think, the fact that I myself didn’t like how I was contributed to a lot of my unhappiness through the years as I tried to change myself. I’m the happiest now that I ever am simply because I’m able to, (Although not perfectly) accept myself for who I am. It’ll probably be tougher for you because you see the impact more, but I truly believe that through accepting yourself is what will cause you the greatest happiness.