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#1
Nov 20, 2008, 06:31 PM
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ok, for starters: borderline personality disorder is not my official diagnosis. but i think i exhibit most traits of it, so to personality place this goes...
also, before you're warned, be forewarned... t r i g g e r i n g ! i can't live with the constant fear of being abandoned. i can't live like this. i want to sleep forever. i was supposed to go see my new pdoc today. my bf walked me to the mailbox, but i didn't even say bye because i was pissed at him. i was pissed at him because he has female friends and i feel that he would rather talk to them than me. at least they aren't mean to him like me. i bet they are all over him. i told him that i don't want to be a jealous girlfriend before we moved in. i told him that i'm most certainly not going to be watching over his shoulder 24/7 when he's online. it's just so hard to trust him whenever i see him talking with a girl. he accepts my male friends, and i have no romantic feelings for these friends. 0. nil. zilch. so anyway.. i missed the bus, then decided i would eat a whole bottle of lithium. (it's supposed to balance out my moods... but i just stopped taking it to see if things were any different without it) in the end, when i got home, i locked myself into our bedroom, took the remains of my restoril (temazepam) and waited for the effects to kick in. he came in, laid down beside me, and i asked him: me: why do you tolerate this? me being mean to you, me hitting you? him: well you hitting me is not nice.. then i break down crying: i don't mean to... him: i know. it would be a completely different thing if you didn't feel bad about it. then the rest of the day was a blur. thanks to the benzos... gahd. they shouldn't give this stuff to me. anyway... just wanted to vent.. and to see if anyone can relate.  Twilight
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花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime |
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#2
Nov 20, 2008, 06:50 PM
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I am worried about you. (((((((((( iamtwilight ))))))))))
  Please get yourself checked over at A and E, that you haven't done any permanent damage.
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 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#3
Nov 20, 2008, 06:57 PM
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dear (((pegasus))), many thanks.
i didn't actually take the lithium, just the restoril. i checked online and the dose i took was ok, nothing to be concerned about. i just re-read the post and realized that i had put the lithium part in there in a rather silly way. sorry.  twilight
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花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime |
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#4
Nov 20, 2008, 07:10 PM
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(((((((((((( iamtwilight )))))))))))))
No need for sorry, was panicking a bit ya know! Thanks for your reply.
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Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#5
Nov 20, 2008, 07:11 PM
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aww dang i'm sorry i made you panic! here, have some chamomille tea *hands pegasus a cup*
 (((pegasus)))
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花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime |
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#6
Nov 20, 2008, 07:18 PM
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he he, thank you my friend!
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Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#7
Nov 22, 2008, 10:29 AM
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Hello, I am bpd and you may not be diagnosed as but you have traits. I read both of you'lls blogs or threads and you'll sound really cool, playful people. World needs more of you'll
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Greg77733 |
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#8
Nov 22, 2008, 05:40 PM
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Love your honesty....
just one thing tho that I noticed... watch out for this....... then i break down crying: i don't mean to... him: i know. it would be a completely different thing if you didn't feel bad about it. .. ..the danger is tha you connect here on the basis of the emotional drama, and that makes you feel close.. him to you and you to him.... but the downside is that your getting love and closeness around having a problem rather than bein well, so this can keep it getting worse. Imagine if he's said; " I love you and care about you, I want to see you well, so get it together, and I'll be waiting for you when you'r free of drugs influence !!!
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"Strong passions are the precious raw materials of sanctity" Fulton Sheen |
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#9
Nov 22, 2008, 06:44 PM
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(((greg))) - thanks. i just wish the drama could be cut out. then we'd all be really fun people to be with! i find myself always with other borderliners, and end up in bad relationships because of the drama.
(((river))) - thanks so much for pointing that out! i wasn't aware of that at all, but it makes sense. i don't think he knows when i've taken too much benzos, i was pretty normal, and he hasn't seen me on benzos many times. i even made music whilst under the influence, and now that i listened to it, it was pretty good. hehehehe. ahh just kidding. i don't intend to do this on a regular basis. but thank you for sharing your opinion, it just might have saved this relationship. twilight
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花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime |
 RiverX
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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