I know ** MIGHT TRIGGER**

I admirer people who can open up and talk about their problems, about themself. I think it takes a great courage to do that, great strength.

I know for me, I can't do that. My avoidancy personnality disorder stops me. I know even if I decide to take my life away I will not go to the er, I know I will not ask for help, I know I will die.

Lucky for me, over the years, I have learned what I can do for myself when I am at the end of my rope. But I dont know if I will always be able too. Maybe.

nightdream

Hi Nightdream,

I think that a lot of people feel like you. I used to have a strategy to avoid 'bothering' my doctor. I would write my symptoms down in a letter, put it in an envelope and leave it on my mantlepiece.

Every day that the envelope was still on my mantlepiece was a day that I had managed on my own.

I did this for an amazing 10years!

I'm glad for you that this letter of yours worked and probably still work at times. I wouldn't have met you otherwise and you are a very important member here, a very nice person.

I must say that my way can put me in danger. But a person have to do what they have to do to stop that voice that seem so sweet at times.

Thank you for replying and take good care of yourself!
Hugs!
nightdream

((((((((((((nightdream)))))))))))) I don't want to "bother" my doctor either. Having had a very judgemental and negative doctor and therapist doesn't help. I basically don't trust them I am not sure what to say to help, but more people here care about you than you think....

Love,
Fuzzy

((((((((((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you!
nightdream

And I think a lot of people seem to be very open but if you start investigating a bit further they really arent't... I have been working with being open for many years, and I have gotten responses from others that it's so good that I am open. But, I'm not really. I only tell about things that I don't really care about anymore, that doesn't make me feel anything. All the things that are still rubbing my heart and making pain I even have problems telling even my psychologist... not to mention TALKING about it (but I do anyway).

There is also a difference in how open I am according to the day. If I feel bad, I don't want to open up, if I feel good, I don't mind so much.

But, you know, it is a curse with being open too. It is always someone that might take advantage of what you are telling, or that doesn't understand. The "middle" way can sometimes be impossible to find.

((((((((((((((nightdream))))))))))))))

(((((( Nightdream )))))))))

All this depression, ADD, and who knows what else they are going to tell me next.. ( to tell the truth I would bet $100 I am bi polar .. it runs in the family) I am scared to death to open up here or with a T.

I have been in sever depression for the last mth or so. Depression this bad is new for me, I am usually on a high (I think to high for most people, Manic?), I have hit a low in my life that has never been this bad. Now, for the last few days.. I am starting to feel like myself again.. going back up hill?!?!? The high?!?!?!

Then I think, am I "Crazy"? am I going back to "normal" or "feeling good"? Should I just stop talking and all this will go away? Is the world really backwards and I am the "normal one"? Is it the T that is messing me up? I was happy before all this.. what was so "wrong" with me.

Then I think about my low.. Damn, I do have some issues!! I have some self esteem issues, failure issues, how I view myself! Was it just the depression? Am I overlooking it now?

How do you find the happy medium? How much do you give yourself to others with out them "judging" you? I don't know today.. But I do feel your pain!

Kathy