[bourne]

I am a 44 year old male, and for my entire life, or for as long as I can remember I have felt this intense contempt for any and all authority figures / institutions. This attitude has caused me many, many problems in every facet of my life from work to romantic relationships. Does anybody have any insight into what could cause this. I am so fed up with this seemingly uncontrollable rebellious response I have to all authority. I would like to change this, but have no idea how to go about it.

Thank you

[Mouse_]

Hello Bourne.

In simplistic terms, we are fighting the injustice of our first ever authority figures, our parents. If we felt unjustly or harshly raised by them then we grew up fighting to stop ourselfs being oblitrated by bigger forces....we see authority as a punishment and not there to care for our rights...takes a lot of untangling in therapy to work through this dysfunctional personality pattern...I'm a lot better now, I just tell them to **** off once and not all day long LOL, but hey some authority does need challenging, we are not doormats, but its distinguishing between what is real and what is past...good luck,

[ECHOES]

Are you in therapy? Therapy can help you see where those feelings come from and can help you to feel much better. When those situations and feelings come up, having someone to talk to about what you're feeling and thinking can be so relieving. That can help with the situation at hand right away and can help you slow down the process to see when the feelings of comtept, etc begin so you can think more about what's happening at that time.

[bourne]

Hi all.

No I am not currently in therapy. I've not had much success with therapy.
That is how I came to be here actually. I found this forum via the psychological self help web site. It's funny, but as a younger man I used to take a great deal of pride in my rebellious / angry nature. I felt it gave me power over everybody. The energy was imposing, and intimidating now perhaps due to my age I am beginning to see how much damage, and how much I have lost as a result. I am tired of feeling this way. I have been trying to use some of the techniques detailed on the self help page, and it seems to help when I take a step back and investigate why I react this way. I have not yet figured out why, why do I feel I need to react to authority the way I do, what purpose has it serve in my life? I suppose it must be some form of defense, but against what? I am not nessasarily seeking answers from any of you on the forum as much as I am thinking / typing aloud, but I do appreciate the feedback.

Thanks, all of you.

[RiverX]

Its a good thing to be thinking aloud, thats what sharing if for isnt it?

I know this may sound cliche but what in your past could relate to this aspect of the present?
Actually, its not just Freud who was into that, Plato said:
'if you want to understand something, you begin by looking at it in its first origin',
something like that.
I also have issues with people who seem to exert power, tho they're not always aothorities. I rebel or walk away, for my recovery, I aim to stand my ground in a way that is helpful, bit like mouse said. But results are hit and miss, and very uncomfortable sometimes!

riverx

[whoarewe]

Maybe examine what you get out of this worldview. If you are not staying in therapy and want to explore it on your own, look into the terms secondary gain and ego syntonic--how is this worldview working in service to your ego?

Since you are posting in the pd section, and you describe things getting worse, you might want to know that pds get worse with age. If you want to change badly enough, that's where it begins. Spiritual work (not so much religious) does profound things; it lends to self-examination in a unique and profound way, at least for me.

[pachyderm]

I think you can lessen your antagonism to authority if you find an alternative way to express it -- and still feel that much of "authority" is just plain wrong. Uncertainty in your own authority makes it more likely you will be angry at others'.

[Sannah]

Bourne, as others have said here, this goes back to your upbringing. If you can understand what is going on with yourself with this stuff you can free yourself from it.

[whoarewe]

It also might be a good idea, if you want a name for your problem, to rule out passive-aggressive pd. Difficulty with authority is one of the traits.
There is some good basic info online. It is not yet recognized by the DSM IV as a new and separate pd, but is outlined just like the rest, with criteria. I think that until it is a new pd, if someone fits enough criteria for a diagnosis, and does not also have another existing pd, they could be diagnosed with pd, NOS (not otherwise specified). I read this all in my DSM IV, but you should check with your practitioner, if interested. I knew that my brother-in-law fit into this category and just looked it up again. Hope the information helps you.

[Lenny]

Bourne Identity?

I love your userid...welcome to PC.

Who was your controlling parent and how much and what kind of control was instituted?

Did you feel small and vunerable when you were a child? Do you still?

These are good questions to begin the journey of war with power...

IMHO.

Lenny

[Michah]

Originally Posted by bourne

I am a 44 year old male, and for my entire life, or for as long as I can remember I have felt this intense contempt for any and all authority figures / institutions. This attitude has caused me many, many problems in every facet of my life from work to romantic relationships. Does anybody have any insight into what could cause this. I am so fed up with this seemingly uncontrollable rebellious response I have to all authority. I would like to change this, but have no idea how to go about it.

Thank you

Hey there, I am also a very angry person. I am passive/aggressive and I reach rage potential very quickly to the point where I have blacked out and couldn't remember what I did. I was in trouble with the law and I scared my friends. My rage did not discriminate and I fed off it and was terrified of it at the same time. I knew that one day I would kill someone and ended up in my familiar psychiatric hospital under 5min obs. Better than living with hurting someone and ending up in jail. Then I had my beautiful son. I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, schizoeffective disorder and psychopathic antisocial behavioural problems. I new I had to get better to protect my son and break the anger cycle. I have had multiple hospital admissions, bucketloads of meds and intensive longterm psychotherapy. My mum was extremely unpredictable and violent and thats how I learn't. I have forgiven her now and we have a good relationship after ten years of no contct. Don't no if that helps. I have to learn that anger is a normal human emotion and i can control it. Still learning after all this time. Good luck

[allabout]

Originally Posted by Michah

I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, schizoeffective disorder and psychopathic antisocial behavioural problems.

Michah, If you don't mind my asking, how did get diagnosed? Was it through testing? A particular test? Talk therapies? I'm curious to understand how Personality Disorders are actually diagnosed, as they seem to be quite subjective. Thank you for sharing your experience. It seems like you are very motivated to change and doing a great job working on yourself. Congrats!

[Michah]

Originally Posted by allabout

Michah, If you don't mind my asking, how did get diagnosed? Was it through testing? A particular test? Talk therapies? I'm curious to understand how Personality Disorders are actually diagnosed, as they seem to be quite subjective. Thank you for sharing your experience. It seems like you are very motivated to change and doing a great job working on yourself. Congrats!

Hi allabout, I was diagnosed after 13 weeks of intensive therapy and personality testing(sorry, can't remember the name of the tests) with a psychologist and a psychiatrist through my local public hospital. This is the same hospital that I had my psychiatric admissions so I was observed very closely. I had many years of cognitive behavioural therapy with my wonderful psychologist who put up with my rage and constantly walking out and abusing her. Many kudos to her. Most good therapists look at a variety of common features of pds and apply it over time to the client presenting(childhood, schemas, values). DSM, the bible of psychiatry has a comprehensive list of pd;s and symptoms are often compared to that. But u r right. PD diagnosing is difficult especially bpd as it mirrors a range of other disorders. In the last year I have been diagnosed bipolar as well so you could say that I always had it and bpd masked it. But my psychiatrist took 4 months to come this conclusion. I was put on lithium by my GP 12 months ago after a hospital admission who swears that I have had bipolar for years. But I didn't listen. I have since found out he was right. Sometimes the treatment will diagnose you. I hope that answers your question to a degree and thanks for kind words. Its nice to hear it.
P.s. Psychopathic pathology is not always part of a pd. Rage can be but I presented with more psychopathic tendencies. I was homicidal towards pretty much everyone. Forgive me if I generalise, but pd rage is usually directed, no less potent though. Just wanted to clear that up.

[Greg77733]

Hey two things helped me with sim. issues. 1) Depakote ; 2) therapy ; well let's go three, 3) you working hard in therapy to fix what someone else broke, yourself. I wish you luck