[TearySpanishEyes]

Hello, I have BPD and need help. Lately, my BPD has gotten worse than ever. I am uncontrollable. I am fighting with my b/f every single day, having intense suicidal thoughts every single day, and don't think I can live like this much longer. I just cannot control myself. I really don't want to resort to medication, but if nothing else has helped (and right now I cannot go to intense treatments because I'm broke and have no insurance) and I going to have to take it?

I have been BPD for many years..I went from being top graduate of my high school, getting a degree in (get this)....PSYCHOLOGY and Chemistry (with a perfect 4.0)...to having NOTHING. No job, no drive, nothing. I cut myself and punch and slap myself. I was the most involved, hardest worker in school always (both in college and high school), and now have absolutely nothing going for me. I've been jobless for over 2 years, have horrible horrible horrible depression, have gained over 100 pounds, have lost many friends, and have been locked up in a messy room for all that time. Funny enough though, I still go out a couple of times a month and EVERYONE thinks I'm completely normal. I'm still the usual life of the party, always dressed impecably, and everyone always wants to hang out with me. If they only knew... I love to travel and do so pretty often...it's the ONLY time I have no flare-up's but I just can't afford to be doing that all the time or running away from the pain all of the time.

Someone..anyone..please help me. Give me some guidance, some hope, something! Are there any places online (other than forums like these) where I could get some more help? I'm desperate and am scared for my own life.

[jbug]

I know where I live there is a sliding scale place that I used to go for therapy. That may be one place you could check into.

I have BPD also among other things I also went from being somewhat high functioning to not being able to hold down a job and I am on disability now. Do you live in the states? That is another avenue you could check into. Medicaid could help with medical bills and they pay for therapy also.

Medicine companies pay for samples so if you could get in to see a doctor then you would be able to start on meds and some companies have programs for people that can't pay for their meds that the company foots the bill for the med. I can't remember the phone number for that though. I'm sure if you explained your situation to the doctor that they would be able to help you out with that.

If you have any further questions feel free to PM me.

Jbug

[Greg77733]

You say you want help but don't want to take meds. Sorry, will not work!! I live in Ga. and have no money and the state helps me. If you had cancer would you not take chem-o. Think about it. I can't live without them. I enjoy feeling better. I pay 6.00 dollars per script. I am on 4 meds so 24.00 a month. I seen my Dr. today and told him how good I feel. I was like you.I hope you find the help that is out there for us. Take care

[1confused]

Originally Posted by TearySpanishEyes

Hello, I have BPD and need help. Lately, my BPD has gotten worse than ever. I am uncontrollable. I am fighting with my b/f every single day, having intense suicidal thoughts every single day, and don't think I can live like this much longer. I just cannot control myself. I really don't want to resort to medication, but if nothing else has helped (and right now I cannot go to intense treatments because I'm broke and have no insurance) and I going to have to take it?

I have been BPD for many years..I went from being top graduate of my high school, getting a degree in (get this)....PSYCHOLOGY and Chemistry (with a perfect 4.0)...to having NOTHING. No job, no drive, nothing. I cut myself and punch and slap myself. I was the most involved, hardest worker in school always (both in college and high school), and now have absolutely nothing going for me. I've been jobless for over 2 years, have horrible horrible horrible depression, have gained over 100 pounds, have lost many friends, and have been locked up in a messy room for all that time. Funny enough though, I still go out a couple of times a month and EVERYONE thinks I'm completely normal. I'm still the usual life of the party, always dressed impecably, and everyone always wants to hang out with me. If they only knew... I love to travel and do so pretty often...it's the ONLY time I have no flare-up's but I just can't afford to be doing that all the time or running away from the pain all of the time.

Someone..anyone..please help me. Give me some guidance, some hope, something! Are there any places online (other than forums like these) where I could get some more help? I'm desperate and am scared for my own life.

psychology and chemistry 4.0 thats pretty impressive. you should be proud of that alone. i know thats not much of an answer but im pretty impressed with that. why having trouble with finding a job? im a severe under achiever but ok with that just wondering why someone so driven could feel so down?