[krush2112]

Hello Everyone,
I am new here today, and I need some help. I am concerned about my brother. He is 29 years old, and his behavior is growing more strange and is really beginning to concern our family. He has very few friends, and doesn't strive to keep his friendships. He has never had a serious girlfiend in his entire life. I know he's had a few flings, but never a long term relationship. He never seems to want to get out of the house and experience anything. He's very socially reclusive, and he is spending a great deal of time playing violent video games such as Grand Theft Auto. My brother also has violent mood swings. One moment, he can be very passive, calm, and even crack a joke, but the next moment, if something is said that he doesn't like, or if something annoys him, he wil literally fly off the handle and begin yelling and throwing things. For instance, my fiance and I drove 300 miles to visit my family this past weekend, and my brother is staying with my parents until his house is finished being built. My brother stayed in the game room all weekend playing his video game, and didn't make an effort to visit with us or have dinner with the family. When my mother coaxed him to come to dinner, he was rude to my mother, and sat through dinner quietly, despite our efforts to speak with him. Then he began playing his video game, and played the rest of the evening, and then continued the next day. He became annoyed because the family was being a bit loud, and I was talking a bit of baby talk to my dog, which apparently annoys my brother, and he suddenly spouted out in a fit of rage, began cussing, and threw the game controller at the tv, and stormed upstairs to his room, and grabbed his keys to his truck and left. He didn't bother to come back to say goodbye, and we don't get to see the family that often. This isn't the first time I've seen his sudden display of anger. He's seems very fascinated with violence, and laughs at violent scenes in movies. He also asked my mother if they had bullets in their gun the other day. (They immediately locked the gun in their safe). My mom, dad, and I are extremely concerned that he's going to hurt himself or one of us someday. My dad is going to try to speak with him today to see if he will get phsyciatric help. My dad is even offering to go with him and do it together.

Has anyone ever seen or experienced behavior of this sort? I am convinced that my brother has some sort of disorder or chemical imbalance, maybe coupled with some issues of insecurity and perhaps some issues that we don't know about because he never communicates anything to us. Can anyone tell me if my brother's behavior may be linked to a mental disorder or illness? Can anyone offer any advice on how to deal with my brother if he refuses to go get help?

Your brother needs to be diagnosed by a professional. If he refuses to get help, I'd seriously be concerned about your parents wellbeing, and safety. They should not be afraid or uncomfortable living in their own home. If he is unable to control his temper, I'd want him out of the house asap.

But, since he is having a house built, I assume he holds a full-time job? So, he is able to manage his temper safely at work. Do you know how things are going for him at work? No one is psychotic only at home. So, he should be able to manage his temper in front of your parents, right? Am I making sense? If work has not been affected by this....it seems stress induced (living at home can sure be stressful for an adult), but controllable. Maybe he doesn't realize how out of control he is acting? Or he just doesn't care and is simply a bit selfish?

I am concerned that you said that he is getting worse. I hope he accepts your father's advice and gets the help he needs. Keep us posted!

emmy

[kimmydawn]

hi and welcome! first of all i'd like to say how extremely blessed your brother is to have such a caring family! you all are wonderful...to notice it, but to offer to help in any way necessary is, well simply wonderful.

that being said, i would like to ask if this behavior has been going on for a while? it seems, by your post, that this has only begun to happen recently? if so, it could be due to some life changes he's having and the frustration is coming out at the only place where he feels loved and accepted unconditionally and therefore is "taking it out" on those ppl.

alot of times children, adult and minor, will do that with parents and siblings. they can't take out their frustrations with work and life there, so they take it out on those they know will still accept and love them when they're finished.

what concerns me as well is the fact that he seems to be isolating himself...even in the comfort of home. i wonder if he's isolating in order to escape feelings or events going on in his life right now?

i think you all are definitely doing the right thing by suggesting he see someone! lovingly point out the concerns that there are for him and gently relay them. write them down if necessary. i hope he listens and sees someone. he doesn't sound happy

be safe and let us know?

[krush2112]

Hello, and thank you both for replying so quickly. My brother has always been a bit of a moody character. Even when we were kids, he'd be horrible to me one minute, but when he felt like it, he would nice as could be to me. When he left the first left my parent's home at 19 when he joined the military, he was very independent, and he seemed absolutely fine. Then he returned home after his enlistment was up. (He didn't have any wartime duties, and we know he enjoyed his military experienced very much). We began to notice moody, isolated, and angry behavior when he returned home, but we thought it was just the stress of re-entering civilian life, finding a job, and living with the parents again. That was about 4 years ago. He had since moved away and started his new career, and he wasn't in my parent's household any longer, so I suppose neither my parents or I noticed his behavior since he lived far away. I noticed his odd behavior again when he came to my home for a visit a few years ago, and we went on a road trip. For no reason, he broke out into a violent fit of rage, and blamed it on the weather (as it was windy and rainy). It was then that I first told him that he was worrying me, and that behavior wasn't normal. He agreed with me that he had a "problem" and he didn't know what to do. I told him that I thought he needed help, and that he shouldn't be ashamed, and he just agreed, but he never made the effort to get help. Well, now he just bought his new home, he's back staying with my parents again until it is finished, and we've all noticed his moody, angry, and isolated behavior again and it is worse. My fiance and I visited at Christmas, and it was the same thing then. He never made an effort to spend time with the family, and whenever he's around, he basically does something or says something to spoil our good time. As far as work, he's able to hold down a job, and we know he has work aquaintances that like and love him. He does well in his job, and is very responsible and hard working. As far as we know, the only one's he is horrible with is his family. He definetely doesn't put much effort into making and maintaning friendships. He has expressed to me many times that he would like to have a girlfriend. We are all so terribly worried about him, and I'm hoping that my father can get through to him. He was going to talk to him today, and I can't wait to speak to my family to see what my brother's answer to getting help is.

Can either of you, or anyone offer any opinion on what my brother's problem may be?

[kimmydawn]

krush, i know you're desperate to help your brother. we aren't qualified to guess as to what you're brother might be dealing with...to me it does seem like some type of personality disorder, but it could be many things including agitated depression. he really needs to see a good dr, be properly diagnosed and then receive meds if he needs them.

i do hope so much for all of you right now.

[krush2112]

Kimmy thank you again,

My father had a talk with my brother this afternoon, and apparently they had a good discussion. My brother acknowledged to my dad that he knows he has some issues. He conveyed to my father that he's depressed and has a problem with his temper, and he can't explain it. My Parents are contacting their physician as soon as they can tomorrow to make an appointment for him. They know that he would probably procrastinate, so they are taking the initiative for him. I am so relieved, and hopefully my own anxieties regarding my brother hurting himself or someone else will subside.

Now, since we came back home yesterday and my brother was in his fit of anger when he left and he didn't say goodbye, I'm not sure if I should wait to contact him to talk to him. I'm not quite sure how to approach him now that he's acknowledged that he has a problem that he is willing to seek help for. Is it wise for me to talk to him about it, or should I let him come to me?

my brother acted like that. He's probably bipolar. I wish we would have taken him to get diagnosed earlier. He recently went through psychosis as a result of no treatment and stress.

[kimmydawn]

krush, i would give it a little while and wait until dr unless he reaches out to you before then. if he does, take it from there. if he doesn't a couple of weeks after dr, i would call him then. that's just what i would do if it were me.

i'lm so glad things are going well so far!!!! yayayay

[krush2112]

Kimmy,
Thank you so much for your advice and guidance on this subject. It has helped me tremendously. I appreciate everyone's advice and comfort. I will wait to talk to him, and I will let him come to me when he feels comfortable speaking with me about it.

My fiance gets upset about the way my brother treats me, and he asks me why I put up with it. I tell him it's because I know that my brother is sick, and you wouldn't abandon and shun someone with cancer would you? I just feel so badly for my brother, and I hate thinking that he's sad and l want to help in any way I can. I am just so relieved that he admitted that he had a problem and is willing to seek help.

Perhaps when he's ready, and after he's been diagnosed and is being treated, I will encourage him to visit this website. Everyone is incrediby nice and supportive, and there is so much information here. I know it would be a benefit to him.

I will keep everyone posted on his progress. Thank you everyone very much again for your support and encouragement.