[FearandLoathing]

I know, I know, go back to the basics of recovery... But I am starting to accept that this is just who i am and that for 17 years I have been in and out of recovery for both addiction and mental illness and I will never change. I even started smoking pot again. There is nothing a counselor can do anymore, I have heard it all and have done it all. I am seeing a psychiatrist for medication management for bipolar. I am told (especially be me) that I am just giving up, selfish, no faith, yada yada yada... So I come here, not for answers but just to chat with others that relate and understand this constant struggle to heal. I am not in danger my thoughts just don't go there anymore. The one thing I have noticed though is that I can't stand to have sex anymore. My husband supportive and caring that he is understands, it has been over 9 months since we last had sex, and i hated that last time. Feeling guilty and shameful, lotsa shame. We sleep in separate rooms for a number of reasons, mostly that I can't stand to be touched. But I have learned that I don't have to have sex anymore just cuz I feel bad for him. Soooo, just need to talk to others that can relate, and if there is anything that I have learned it is that I need support, and I would like to give support to others the best that I can. Thanks for listening to this monotone self-loathing, shameful and fearful person.

[Pikku Myy]

Hugs Somehow you need to find your innerstrenght

[Secret]

You'll get support here.
As many here will tell you...we each heal at our own pace and we all have our ups and downs.

[Fuzzybear]

i sure have my times of darkness but i hate being there for too long.
i too have been in therapy "forever" and have learned that when i am feeling like giving up or a "new" thing comes up it is time to really put all my recovery to work. it's hard, i know...it's a practice i have finally begun to understand.

it's ok for me to have those dark times and feel on the edge of giving up and get support from others....but it's not ok for me to actually give up and quit...as tempting and as easy a path it is. i get tired of fighting, tired of practicing, tired of having to face the crap day after day---but i am also beginning to see that i can put all the crap on the shelf and enjoy some good things....nature, time with a friend and just having fun without the baggage. That take some practice.......

i hope for you that you can find a bit of hope in your struggle.
just a sliver and that would be enough for you to go back to the "practice of recovery"