[pegasus]

Haven't written in here for ages. Feeling really blah!

New job and all that and I'm completely knackered on my days off. Not just tired but knackered, it's the ony word for it. Doing extra shifts to help out but no time for anything else.

And the reason I'm writing here is because a client said that I was fantastic! And another one said I was very good! I should be thrilled about this but I'm so down about it. My whole childhood I was told how crappy I was, useless, good for nothing, a piece of ****. I feel so crappy. I should feel good but being told the opposite makes me feel ugh! Brings up all those crappy memories and makes me realise how low I really feel. I should feel great god dam it! I guess if I felt angry about it I might feel better I don't know.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( pegasus )))))))))))))))))))

[Lost71]

((((((((pegasus)))))))) ...I'm the same. Hate compliments, being told how good i am at something. it makes me ugh, scream, grrrrrrrrrrr!

But I really think the only way to deal with that is stand in front of a mirror and say "Ok, you..." and remind ourselves...we weren't born bad. These folks (in most cases parents) who told us all that ****ing crap as kids were transferrring their own issues onto us. Now...we spend all our time helping others recover from that but forget (or can't/wont) to save some of that love and care for ourselves!

And apologies if this makes you feel ugh ((pegasus))...

I Love you coz

Much Peace, Hugs and Love to you, dear one!

[Sannah]

So it appears that an issue has identified itself which needs to be dealt with possibly??????

[pegasus]

It's not a new issue. Put peanut butter on me and eat me! (Not sure why I wrote that, but there we are.)

((( Pegasus ))) Sorry you feel like this, you're a good person

[notz]

Pegasus,

I will share an adaptation of a suggestion from a very wise person that hopefully helps you adjust to the well deserved compliments.

Can you set aside 15 - 30 minutes every day to close your eyes and think about the compliments and how you do deserve them? Same time every day. In time, I think your perception of yourself in your new job may catch up with the reality.

I have no doubt that you're all that and then some!!

Put peanut butter on me and eat me!

That's the funniest thing I've seen in days! Thanks!

[Sannah]

So do you want to work on this issue? (And I think your pb statement means something.........)

[Catherine2]

hey, Pegs...
hugs ok?
handshake?

random thought but perhaps you being knackered has a bit to do with it? when you are that exhausted, it's hard to do what we need to do to protect ourselves...
jmo/jme, but this feeling is one that bites butt very hard when we least expect it. many times I fail to remember that "they" had many of my formative years to engrave those feelings in my heart...that there are still people who would bring me down if I let them.
it angers me, first at myself for reacting in an old way. then I have to acknowledge and let go of my anger towards them.

please be kind to yourself

(((((Peg)))))
I hear you!! compliments are difficult to hear. lots of old crap hits the fan each time.....
do you need a shovel or a spoon??

I like notz's suggestion. I will go one more---
write good stuff you hear down.
save cards ppl send with good thoughts.
put all of it in a special box (sunshine box?? maybe too corny)
can get boxes at a craft store and decorate it
put it where you can see it, access it, and read something from it
every day.
Visuals help me when i want to change thought patterns.
someday I will believe the good that ppl say--but til then i have to read,
and re-read.....
Just my thoughts.

[pegasus]

Good suggestions! Thank you.

At work today, they were all saying nice things about me again. I try not to scowl when they say it! lol!

Thanks again.