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#1
Sep 24, 2009, 07:16 AM
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Still crawling---sloth like---
slower than a snail but crawling..... filling days with activity trying to still the inside voice of despair and doom... trying not to stay in the corners too long.... or blend in the shadows and disappear tho that seems the easy way. ------------------------------------ a child cries someplace and i can't find her.... tears of heavy sadness whimpers of fear echoing inside surrounding me and reflections like the fun house mirrors flash and the frightening clowns join in laughing.... and there is no exit sign.... |
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#2
Sep 24, 2009, 01:13 PM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Sep 24, 2009, 01:40 PM
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__________________
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 white_iris
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#4
Sep 24, 2009, 03:55 PM
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White Iris
__________________
 I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free.  But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
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#5
Sep 25, 2009, 12:36 AM
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Quote:
many of us are crawling right along side you... Crawlers seems almost right for a new thread on how we are getting through our 24 hours... I care, my friend Catherine
__________________
The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
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#6
Sep 25, 2009, 11:34 AM
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very difficult session with T today.
H going away again next week...mon-thurs. rewrote the above poem . crawling---sloth like slower than a snail barely crawling..... filling days with activity what a good actor what a fake what a hypocrite. all the while trying to still the inside voice of despair and doom... trying not to stay in the corners too long....then what is too long an hour a day a lifetime? or blend in the shadows and disappear oh for that relief that refuge that safety the easy way perhaps the only way to stay alive --------- i'm so exhausted. i wonder if what is going on inside is out of T's realm? oh, she's supportive enough, listens, reads the poetry but i'm not sure she is really getting it. i'm not sure she is understanding the sinking and the fear. i wrote another poem, but dare not post it because it is very triggering. it scares me to read it. it is a deep dark "demon" that i just can't fight. T says i can, i've fought enough of "them' and come thru on the other side--she said that each time one shows it's ugly head i make it thru. encouraging words perhaps, but i don't think she can understand the depth of what is going on. i'll be fine this weekend. then the "dark" comes again. I have to hold it together b'cuz H already has apprehensions about leaving me alone...and this is a MUST for his job. I'll pretend, and I'll hold together till he goes. (he's not stupid, and he knows i'm in a rocky place--just doesn't know how rocky) i'll shut up now.... and maybe next time i post i will be in a better place. i'll getting to where i am feeling like i am a bother and a needy person tht everyone will start to dred reading my posts. |
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#7
Sep 25, 2009, 12:52 PM
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Iris, I don't dread reading your posts. You are reaching out in your time of need and this is very good. I am sorry that your apprehension about your h going on a trip is really bad. He must be your rock. I am so glad that you have your h for your support. We will support you here while he is gone! There is nothing wrong with faking it until you make it....
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#8
Sep 25, 2009, 07:45 PM
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Hi W_I
Why would anyone dread reading your posts? You need to stop shuttin yourself up... I know: Easy for me to say. But you know what? The times that you feel like that needy bothersome person that you don't want be, is the time that you should post more. Any time spent in the corner is too long. What you really need to do “for better or worse” is to try to share what's bothering you. “The inside voice of despair and doom...” tells me how you're feeling, but not why. The “deep dark demon” sounds more like a reason... I think you should post it, “For better or worse”. It's hard to sit by while you're feeling so bad, and not know why, or what to say. |
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#9
Sep 26, 2009, 12:45 PM
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Quote:
i hear what you are saying. i appreciate what you are saying. feeling so vulnerable---words will come.... thank you 
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#10
Oct 05, 2009, 06:33 AM
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((((((((((((((((((((White Iris)))))))))))))))))))))
thankyou for sharing your journey wiht us - sitting wiht you - listening and holding out a hand to steady you if you go to fall P7
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!  (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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