Am I the only one?

Am I the only one here who has killed their abuser? I went to group therapy for victims of domestic violence but I felt out of place and felt I was a bad example of how to solve domestic violence. I feel alone.

(for some reason the trigger icon is not showing up with the thread title in ptsd forum) Mods? Help!

(((((Yoda))))))
I'm sorry you feel so alone. I don't have the experience of DV and so I can't really relate. Just know that I have read and am offering a listening ear.

I am sorry you feel alone but everybody here is listening. Have you thought about bringing this up to your T and what do they say? I think we all have to let our true feelings out.

Yoda, I'm so sorry that you feel so alone. I sure can understand killing your abuser. While I never did do that I sure thought about it and when I really thought about it I was only 9!

Hi Yoda. I have read your message several times. Like the others I am sorry that you do feel alone. I do understand your reasoning about feeling out of place with the group. I believe being abused would leave trauma scars, no matter where the abuser is now. I feel that any answer to your question could be uncomfortable to others that may read it. If you would like to discuss this further, please let me know. Take care.

((((((((((((( safe hugs to Yoda )))))))))))))))
no I did not.... but there is still time ;-)
Not making a joke of it - it is just that there are situations where the abuser has crossed one line too many.... and victims have to do what they have to do to STAY ALIVE. That is our RIGHT. Know you are not alone.

Agreed; that was my situation exactly.

There is a saying: " Better tried by twelve than carried by six".

Thank you all for your support. I would like to talk to somebody who like me has committed justifiable homicide because I do feel alone. But talking to those who have endured violence may help. My head spins in circles sometimes when I think about it.

Yes I feel hesitant to discuss what happened pretty much everywhere except with my therapist & psychiatrist. In August this year I was in a psychiatric hospital for evaluation of what appeared to be neuro problem or medication side effects. I was in group therapy & was hesitant to discuss the shooting because I didn't think anybody there could relate to me. But the therapist encouraged me to talk about my "issues" so I did. One girl remarked, "Well everybody makes mistakes". I was not clear if she meant my BF made a [fatal] mistake or if I had made the mistake when I killed him. I wanted to shout, "I didn't make a mistake! I am still alive"! But I didn't want to upset anyone else so I ended up staying silent & I was the one who was upset because I felt misunderstood.

[quote=Yoda;1163490]Yes I feel hesitant to discuss what happened pretty much everywhere except with my therapist & psychiatrist. In August this year I was in a psychiatric hospital for evaluation of what appeared to be neuro problem or medication side effects. I was in group therapy & was hesitant to discuss the shooting because I didn't think anybody there could relate to me. But the therapist encouraged me to talk about my "issues" so I did. One girl remarked, "Well everybody makes mistakes". I was not clear if she meant my BF made a [fatal] mistake or if I had made the mistake when I killed him. I wanted to shout, "I didn't make a mistake! I am still alive"! But I didn't want to upset anyone else so I ended up staying silent & I was the one who was upset because I felt misunderstood.

What did she mean by "well everyone makes mistakes"? If it's killing your ex well all I can say to that is f you!!

I'm sorry you feel alone too. I think it takes alot fo courage to talk about it. I can understand why you or someone would do this. ((Yoda))

BTW - I also feel very alone with my situation and problem(although it's not as bad as yours)

Hi Yoda:

You have my support.

Some people have no compassion or sensitivity. For reasons like that I refuse to talk in groups with others. My angry is to much for me.
If I could have I would have. Maybe now I would be feeling better about myself. Others have said to me that you could have done something to stop your abuser. What? Fear grips, holds and disables. My brain stopped. I was in an all men's atmosphere. What report it to the male superior?

(((Yoda)))
Elsewhere, I've shared that I shot and killed my attacker...you probably remember the post.
Do I regret killing him? No. I Am Alive...
Moments of sadness that it was necessary? Occasionally.

Did we do what we had to do in order to live? Yes.

Jmo, but perhaps sharing in your group therapy can still be a good thing, for you and for the others.
There should be no shame/fear on your part...you were in an extraordinary situation.
As for the others? It may plant a seed that will give them pause if they have even a nano thought about going back to their abusers.
Re the comment that was made...jme, but sometimes people just don't know what to say...along with the fact they may realize how fortunate they are in not being in that situation.

Do whatever you need to do to continue on your path of healing.
You are worth it, my friend.

In Peace

((((((((((Yoda)))))))))))

I wanted to lend you my support and let you know you are heard.
I have not killed my abuser, but I've been in a situation where I had to fend off attack to a friends mother when her estranged husband broke in. I can relate in this way, and I know it isn't the same, but i hope by sharing my experience it will bring you some comfort, and you had to do what you had to do to stay alive. Please feel no shame in this. You have my support and sending many peaceful thoughts to you

Love
Sparrow

Trigger warning!!!!!! Please go no further if you are easily triggered....

(((((Yoda)))))

My heart hurts for all of us...creepy, maniacal abusers came into our lives and snatched a piece of our soul. The very essence of me was groomed, taken, fondled, penetrated, and my silence was purchased by dirty, stinking money. Bastards. (there's more than one, but I'll focus on my primary)

No longer a chance to kill him now, dammit, throat cancer beat me to it.

I find I have written a lot, not to be posted here, because it has too many twists and turns. This thread belongs to Yoda. Perhaps, I'll post it elsewhere, someday. I mention it as a way of saying thank you to Yoda and every one who responds. You have given me the chance to purge one more time.

No longer a chance to kill him now, dammit, throat cancer beat me to it.

I have vomited on his headstone several times. When I return to my hometown, I make a point to go visit him (and others). I speak my piece and proceed to pour about a quart of my urine on his headstone and the grass above him. I have had a few drunken occasions to deliver in person.

Vile and despicable acts befitting a vile and despicable man who stole the innocence of many a child just like me.

No longer a chance to kill him, but I can piss on him and I damn well do. Good riddance, says I.

If I happen to see you at it, I guarantee I won't snitch.