[splitimage]

yes I'm getting the full experience right now, hyperarousal, dissociation, body memories, and weird psychosomatic symptoms. Also my internal ego state structure is threatenning to totally collapse. I'm so tempted to drink or SI just to buy some numbness. I see my pdoc on Mon. and I think I can hold on until then. My T wants to start doing ego stait triagge to make the younger me's feel safe using EMDR starting next Tues. I'm tempted to spend the weekend in bed as it's the only way I think I can keep myself safe. Thank god I just have to get through one more day of work this week and it's a conference so it's less stressful than actually having to go into the office.

It sounds as if you will do it---one foot in front of the other.

Get through this day, sometimes i hum a song to know i'm still here;splitimage, it's focus,it's pushing boundaries every minute of everyday.
You have already stated that you're going to work, there's strength and persistence right there in your intentions.

Yes, you sound as if you are going to be fine--i wish you all good things.

[purple_fins]

splitimage

I hope you can use all the self care strategies you can think of
hold on until Monday-- you can do it.

IN the mean time- come here and vent, share, cry, shout--
whatever you need until Monday.

take special care of your wonderful self in this time of upset.... we CAN be our own soft place to land.

wishing you peace

fins

[michele#3]

Splitimage

[darkrunner]

Splitimage-
I hope Monday comes fast for you.
Is there anyone you can contact this weekend for extra support?
I'm sorry it's so tough for you right now....but you can do this.

Good luck, splitimage.

[darkrunner]

Splitimage-
How are you doing?
I'm pulling for you....hope you are well.

[splitimage]

Thanks everyone - I survived the weekend without doing any damage to myself, mainly by calling friends and staying in bed. Saw my pdoc this morning, not that he was very helpful - he has all the therapeutic warmth of a dead fish. He was willing to up my clonazapam, but I don't want to do that unless I absolutely need to. he suggested backing off on the trauma work with my T, and focussing on developing healthier coping strategies so that I'll be able to preempt my symptoms rather than having to react to them.

In theory this is a reasonable approach, and one I'm sure they taught in pdoc school - problem is this is what we've been doing, I'm finding it stressful, and the PTSD is just getting worse.

I think my T's approach to doing ego state work will be more effective, and she is a trauma specialist. I see her tomorrow night.

--splitimage

[notz]

((((((splitimage))))))

Stay busy. Will you play something for me on your harp? Some soothing beauty would do me good.

[darkrunner]

Splitimage - thanks for the update. I'm glad you are hanging in there.

Originally Posted by splitimage

In theory this is a reasonable approach, and one I'm sure they taught in pdoc school - problem is this is what we've been doing, I'm finding it stressful, and the PTSD is just getting worse.

I know what you mean. I've been caught in the middle ground here, kind of like you've described. Most of my T's won't do trauma work with me until I've learned to use better coping skills, but I can't seem to stop using the bad coping skills because of the unresolved trauma stuff.
So, as you say, in theory it is reasonable - but maybe doesn't always apply to every situation.

[amante]

I hope you made it to the appt. and worked well with the trauma specialist.