[grizmom]

My family still lives in the town I grew up in, about an hour away from here. I don't have a car. I HATE going to my hometown; it is a major trigger for me to even be in that town. I generally only go there for Christmas; I have someone pick me up in the afternoon on Christmas Eve and get a ride home after breakfast on Christmas morning.

The thing is, my family keeps asking me to come visit. If I had a car, I probably could handle going there for an afternoon since I would know I could leave whenever I wanted. Since I don't have a car, someone would have to pick me up, and they wouldn't want to bring me home the same day so I'd have to stay overnight and it's just a really bad idea to put myself in a triggering situation.

They know about all of my diagnoses, but I have not shared much about the PTSD...I'm finally to a point where I can get along okay with them, especially since my parents have changed a great deal. So I really don't want to hurt those relationships by telling them what parts they played in the traumas. I know they would disagree that they ever did anything wrong, and I know it would not benefit me at all at this time to dredge up the past with them.

They've been asking me to come visit a lot lately, and I've been turning them down, but I'm running out of excuses and I can tell they are getting annoyed with me, especially today because they wanted me to get a ride to their house with my friend (she is also good friends with my sister, so she visits a lot) on Friday, and stay until after Sunday's Mother's Day brunch. Since I won't come, someone will have to come pick me up on Sunday morning to go to brunch and then bring me home after. (I am glad that the restaurant is only about 20 minutes from my house, so it's not a major inconvenience) They never accept gas money from me, and I really feel guilty. Any advice? Thanks!!!!

[googley]

Could they come and visit you? That might be a solution if it wouldn't be triggering to have them visit in your house. Maybe they could come in the morning spend the day and leave in the evening? If you have tried to give them gas money and they don't accept it then don't worry about it.

[Perna]

If you have gas money to spend; I would find someone local to you who is occasionally willing to drive you somewhere and stay/pick you up a few hours later? I would work on figuring out my own solution to the transportation problem you feel you have. That way you could be independent.

Can you start a transportation "kitty" to save up just for the purpose of being able to occasionally visit that town?

Do you have any place in the town you don't know well/would be "new" and easier to be in? Could you find a place to stay occasionally that wouldn't trigger you as badly? Then you could come/go to it as you wished (local cab or friend) instead of being dependent on the others.

I would think about occasionally entertaining them at your town; inviting them for dinner or something at a restaurant (or your place if that's possible). That way I wouldn't feel as beholden to them for inviting me and/or turning them down so often and you wouldn't invite them to stay or anything so it would be time-limited.

[grizmom]

Originally Posted by Perna

If you have gas money to spend; I would find someone local to you who is occasionally willing to drive you somewhere and stay/pick you up a few hours later? I would work on figuring out my own solution to the transportation problem you feel you have. That way you could be independent.

Can you start a transportation "kitty" to save up just for the purpose of being able to occasionally visit that town?

I would like to do that but I'm not sure where to look to meet people...my ex used to take me to visit my family for the afternoon until we stopped being friends a few months ago. I am going to a new support group for women tomorrow with my peer support specialist so if I like the group and I can find transportation other than my peer support specialist to continue going, I might meet some new people there. I am part of a program that takes me to my medical appointments, but they can only take me to doctor visits, therapy, or to pick up medication. OH! I could look into how much it would cost to rent a car...that just occurred to me as I'm writing this LOL...

Do you have any place in the town you don't know well/would be "new" and easier to be in? Could you find a place to stay occasionally that wouldn't trigger you as badly? Then you could come/go to it as you wished (local cab or friend) instead of being dependent on the others.

No...it's a tiny town where everyone knows everyone else (and their personal business).

I would think about occasionally entertaining them at your town; inviting them for dinner or something at a restaurant (or your place if that's possible). That way I wouldn't feel as beholden to them for inviting me and/or turning them down so often and you wouldn't invite them to stay or anything so it would be time-limited.

That is one of the reasons it bothers me that they want me to visit all the time...they do come to see me at least once a month and my mom visits me 2 or 3 times a month. So I don't understand why they have this incessant need for me to come there. I could try to muster up the courage to ask why they want to see me there when I already see them quite often as it is. And on the few times I've been there other than Christmas, we just sit and watch tv anyhow since there is nothing to do there. I live in a larger city so there are a lot of things to do here. Sometimes I wish I lived across the country instead of just an hour away...then they would have to be content with 1 visit a year and phone calls!