I sold my house in NYC, to come out here and help my son through his divorce and custody of grandson. I was advised to put the money in my son's name from the closing table by my attorney as I was still not very well after volunteering at 9/11. Son gave word he'd give me money back once here 500,000.00. Verbal agreement. 5 years later, he has not given money back and has moved back to the East Coast. As has my daughter. Both are very
unkind. I spent more than half a century in NYC-it is my home.
I hate it here-no culture, no art, no music--a place of debauchery.
My lease is up June. I will not be able to afford to live here anymore.
NY is a welfare State, I have found a Resource there wherein I can get housing, I may be homeless for a bit, but that would put me at the top of the housing list. My son promised to get me cross country with dog, and stuff into storage.
Now he is insisting I live in a house in Scranton PA (he can keep an
eye on me there), and won't help me move at all unless it's on his terms. I want my autonomy back. Planned to get a grant from Government become a Nurse Practitioner..all i want is an apt. all i want is just enough. Heating a house is too much money-I don't need a house, I don't ever want to see my son again.
sorry-long appreciate any input--son is manipulative, cruel, like father-am desperate

[purple_fins]

I'm sorry that your children learned to treat you the way your husband did and the way you allowed...... my heart is with you

wow-- that is a lot of money for you to not have back in your possession!!
i don't know about advising, just that I'd meet with a lawyer and see if they could think of a way to help you.

peace to you

fins

[perpetuallysad]

I think your lawyer gave you very bad advice. If you can prove this, its possible you can sue your son for the return of your money. I have really no true clue, but am just guessing. It would be worth a call to an attorney to find out at least.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

[Yoda]

Bad situation. I agree, talk to another attorney.

[NuckingFutz]

Wow! So underneith it all I hear you just want to live comfortable in your city in peace after all is said and done. I'd say you have more than earned that right. However, even with a verbal agreement, money still leaves trails...one of those trails leads to the IRS, bank statements, etc. A good attorney could help you out. If I were you, I Would not want to have anything to do with your kids either. Seems their father taught them how to treat you. You deserve so much better than that. The best revenge in this case is living well and loving yourself. Safe hugs for you.

You got it Nuking futz--wag that tail again an I's a gonna get it! lol-Just love your avatar!!
I am completely dependent on him moving me back as per "promise"-(yeah, right)
No- tried all the lawyers--haven't the money for a discovery-and he's got me--
i want nuutin to do with them if i ever get back there...hugs to all-and thanks-theo

Postscript: I have been looking for a "good " attorney for over 20 years. Problem with even the "good " ones is they are beligerant and and condecending--and out of my price range.
I finally went pro se on my divorce and perfected an appeal only to be turned down for "Poor Persons Rights " to have it published; thus was denied "Due Process" by the US of A--If you think there is real Justice in our Courts, you are mistaken.

Only Rich people get Justice in this Country. I proved it to myself.

In NYC there were only two lawyers who would press charges against another attorney- a husband and wife team, I wanted them to go after my "pro bono" (In latin for the good of) attorney they wanted 50,000.00 up front to take the case when it was blatantly obvious that he'd sold me up the river.

He'd even written me a letter "May I remind you that I am servicing you free of charge, if you are not happy with my services, I suggest you fire me".

Beware believers in lawyers--Moneychangers all!!!

[possum220]

Sorry your kids turned out like that. Can you sue the lawyers for giving you such bad advice?

That's the point--you need a lawyer to sue a lawyer--and the only lawyers that would sue their own kind want alot of money--there are only 2 in NYC...
Thanks anyway--Tried it--don't got the 50 thou.. and they all assume, rightly so, that my son has gone through all the money by now..thank you for the thought.

[Evening]

Maybe I'm just giving crap advice, but who's really missing out, you for losing a house because of your generosity or them for losing a parent because of their own selfish greed? One day, they may want to see you, they might miss you and decide they want to know you again, but they destroyed an entire relationship and trust because of what they have done. Then they will be the ones that are hurting, but it will be because of their own faults and they'll know that.

Sometimes the hardest thing is having to turn your back on your family to stop them from hurting you anymore, I know that. It's meant to be family, it's meant to be people that care for you and help you, not hurt, betray and take advantage of you. But sadly it's not always a nice picture. Think about YOU now, the resentments may be there for a long time but releasing an attachment from some people, as hard as it is, may be the best decision you might ever make, at least for you mental stability. I know it worked for me.

[Perna]

It sounds like you are already a nurse? I would get a job where you are for a year or two and just keep your head down/save the money so you can get yourself back to New York and do what you want. Use the fact that the location where you live now doesn't have anything you want so won't distract/hold you in any way.

[AShadow721]

Is it possible that your children have PTSD from growing up with their father and didn't learn this, because they looked up to him in some way? I ask, because I've treated my mother badly, because of my PTSD and I feel terrible about it. In no way do I want to be like my father, so I made a point to try to be not at all like him, because I hate him. I know that I was angry at him, but I expressed it to everyone and I hurt so many people that I love and I truly regret it.

Definitely try to get back to the city, since you will feel better there. I know what it's like to go from the city to anywhere else. Anywhere else is boring and doesn't have the resources and transportation like the city does. Everything is so far apart out here. At least in the city, I could walk down to the corner store and get everything I need. I can't even get a gallon of milk down at this store out here, they already opened it and most be selling it by the cup.

I wouldn't reccomend staying near your son, but I wouldn't want my mom to give up on me completely. (Well, she already did, when I was 17, but she is back in my life now, although, she's in NY, and I'm not) But I feel like she's all I have sometimes. She's the only one I can turn to that will always take care of me. Must I blame myself for treating her that way? I never was told how to handle my PTSD then and I was never taught how to deal with anger appropriately, other than hold it in, because it's a scary emotion. But when it all boils over? All I saw was, yell and scream and become violent...

I don't know if your kids feel the same way about you as I do about my mom. But it does sound like your son is manipulating you and pulled a trick on you (which is not a symptom of PISD), you can't allow yourself to be abused, and he needs to give you that money.

I may have totally different feelings about this, since my son is only a toddler and I was adandoned myself, because of my mental illness, because I was abused by my other parent. My husband was also adandoned by his mother and father, a few times and they still won't talk to him. The blame is on them though, he was 18, but his other siblings were all underage and his parents abused him and his siblings. It's makes me sad about the world... But here your children are grown and they can probably take care of themselves, so it wouldn't be the same at all. They probably know better.

First, Thank you Perna, that would be a great solution, were it not for my bad back _I used to lift 20-40 patients a night or on flex and now have Degenerative Joint Disease throughout my Cervical and Thoracic spine+ COPD due to volunteering At Ground Zero on 9/11 for the first three days, and Complex PTSD r/t to those days with major flashbacks of buildings falling on me and body parts etc..-no, regular nursing is out--I'd like to go for an advanced degree as a Nurse Practitioner, yes I am an R.N. in NYS, still, but I am on total disability being monitored by the WTC Program for First Responders.--Thank you, I wish I could work as a Nurse- pay for a Nurse out here is
ridiculously low when compared to what you'd get in NY--even if I tried to get Per Diem off the books...It wouldn't be worth the additional pain-and I deplore pain killers.

Shadow--You hit it almost completely on the head-- Yes, my children do, and always have taken out what they witnessed my ex do to me and to them on me-they still do-at 32 and 33. Even though I stopped it, and went through hell in a ten year long divorce to rid myself of him--he is still present in my life in the form of my children.

They use me as the punching bag--I was able to get my daughter into therapy--but my son went into custody with his father-and never went into therapy-though court mandated in the custody papers. My son still tries to get his father to love him. The man is not capable (because of his own upbringing) of loving anyone but himself--
a brilliant, charming, funny man-cruel, selfish and a true psychopath. He hurt my son the most, and continues to do so to this day. My daughter has nothing to do with her father (he molested her-that's what made me bring it all before the courts -when she told me-I had no job, no money-hadn't worked in 16 years at spouse's behest)
but she saw me being beaten and abused for years...one of her first memories is of this. So she has no respect for me.

I am a doormat to my kids--even though, I got a job, worked nights, got no money from my spouse for the ten year long divorce to keep up the house, went to Nursing school all day, got my daughter through college, mowed the lawn, shoveled the snow, etc., etc. between going to family, criminal, supreme, and civil courts, filed orders of protection had to have him locked up several times, on e time i had to have my son locked up with him for breaking into the house (i didn't press charges- I should have-my Pastor told me I should have-he wouldn't have done what he has done to me now!--he was 17 it would have been on his record for life)------------
Even though I was so strong-and all alone-with only lousey lawyers-and got through school----------my kids see none of this. They see a victim-a doormat.

No, I won't hurt the loves of my life.
I have not ever been violent with either ot them-I am not of that type--I have been unable to hurt those I truly love, no matter how they hurt me.
But I don't have to ever know them again after this is over.

[AShadow721]

I can see why your son has his problems and he's been so hurtful, abusive to you. I just can't understand why your daughter would have no respect for you. You were being abused, that's not your fault. Yes you stayed, but he was controlling and you had no job, so he made it very hard for you to leave. This man abused you in many ways. Controlling all the finances is a form of abuse, because it leaves you so dependent on him. He did that to try to make it so that you couldn't leave. But your daughter, she was abused herself by this man, so why does she not understand your torment? I understand you've been put through enough, and you need to be free. They are in their 30s, they should have some common sense. They should understand that you were their good parent, the one that took care of them. They should be thankful for you.

Shadow-you are so kind---and fair in your observations.
Life is not kind, nor is it fair, and you know that as well as I.

I want to thank you for all your wonderful input here---let's just let this thread drop.
there's nothing that can be done--it's a rant.

You have all been so wonderfully kind--and i guess I was asking for that-(((((hugs)))))


"If, coulda, shoulda, woulda all live on another planet"

[Evening]

Sometimes the only thing that can be done is to rant about it and get it off your chest, feel free to rant all you want!

Thanks Evening--ranting is over-let this thread die---tired of it!!!
((((HUGS)))

[SophiaG]

This thread saddens me. No, on second thought it is not the thread which saddens me but the situation itself. It sickens my heart to hear that people can be so cruel to someone who loved/cherished them.

I wish no one ever was abused.

I wish you were respected. I wish you felt loved.

I wish you werent depressed.

I"m sorry you're going through this.

As a former lawyer for over twenty years, my first thought is why hasn't a complaint been filed against your lawyer with the state disciplinary board? Most lawyers have errors and omissions insurance. A finding in your favor in the disciplinary proceeding may require your lawyer to pay restitution. If nothing else, if a disciplinary complaint is filed against your attorney there will be the record of what actually happened should you decide to sue your lawyer. Who knows, his insurer may decide to expedite a settlement.

P.S. --

Beware believers in lawyers--Moneychangers all!!!

Since it is against the law to provided legal advice without a license, you certainly should run what I stated by a reputable moneychanger. And, of course, even with moneychnagers, you get what you pay for.

Byzantine--had afeelin you were--knowledge of Latin, comments you've made! Thanks for coming out! lol Yes, in NY there is a Grievance Committee; I used to know all thenames of the attorneys on it.
In the course of my divorce, I filed several grievances with them concerning my "pro bono publicus"--they did not care that he had not followed the rules as stated when representing a client (even free of charge) in the law books I studied.

They did not care that "Equitable Distribution" had not been followed by the senile Judicial Hearing Officer who was my Judge--I presented Exhibits upon Exhibits of how
my attorney had destroyed me in Court--My ex-spouse even won grounds, because my pro bono dropped them the first day, he didn't even try to fight for me.

At the time, I had no idea what was going on.

I had to go sit in a law library in the Court house and learn it all myself-I did fire my pro bono; and went pro se. At that point it was time for an appellate decision-all was over in Supreme Court. I perfected an appeal Exhibits "A"-"Z" with an addendum--but they would not permit me to publish it in time to meet the deadline--I hadn't the money to publish it Poor Person's Relief papers were submitted and were refused.

In Supreme Court I attempted to appeal. There, too, I was deemed "frivolous" and warned not to try again.

I give up!!!

Law, as you well know, is a different language--most are not aware- they watch those shows on tv wherein you actually talk to the Judge--lol. I was not even present when my divorce papers were agreed to--it was done in chambers. Only lawyers and the JHO and recorder were present.

Grounds in my divorce were founded for my ex-spouse, and no note was made that I was not working for 16 years in the "Equitable" Distribution--I had to buy him out with money I borrowed from convenience checks on my credit cards to get the house in my name only; he even made me give up rights to his pension. "Quit Claim"

Getting upset now, sorry- will stop soon.

I won't fight the court system again...too much energy..and, in this case it was my own stupid fault for trusting my son.

Actually, if i had alot of money-to me=billions- yes, i would fight again.......
Not for money- but so that "Right Be Done" --Winslow Boy-on principle only would i fight again.............I have no energy, no more power in that stadium left in me to fight without money. Thank you Byzantine---Pax vobiscum!

Postscript:
I am most certain that you, as a practicing Attorney were Ne'er the "Moneychanger"

I read and observe much---I rest my case.---"Let it Be, let it be, whisper words of wisdom-let it be..." Hail The Byzantine!!! I send you smiles of gratitude for your kindness-theo

[Gabi925]

Theodora, why you don't try to find a family, where you can also stay and take care of children or older people - I think a lot of people would like to have you, with your knowledge of a nurse and also about how to deal with a house...( I am sure you have also other knowledge that might be useful for busy couples) in their house to supervise some members of family.

There was a time when I rented a room to an over 70 old gentleman in my house, brought by Salvation Army just as he was, with no luggage, and I made him for years a member of my family (cooking, cleaning and buying him a part from what he needed) just because my child was calling him "grandpa" - in lack of other family member than me. I was-am an immigrant here and he was just an old lonely Canadian gentleman (immigrant from Scotland but with 50 years before me) I appreciated that he loved my child and my child was found of him in such a way that she presented everywhere as her grandpa. He played with her, talked in English... and that way I had some time to breath while my child was happy.

[by.grace]

Darling Theo,

Slow down, honey, remember to breathe; In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4.

It's only MAY, there is still almost 2 months to the end of your lease. In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4.

Then there is a process that landlords have to follow before they can put you out on the street. That takes quite a while. In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4.
Remember we're buddies! If I had a dead rat, I'd give you half! In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4, In-2-3-4, Out-2-3-4.
If we have to, we'll call out the Cavalry! Pretend that you are helping someone else who needs you. You know you are amazing when it comes to providing help & support to others. So now look at things from a different angle.
You are THEODORA, The Flying Avenger, & your mission is defending Karen! She needs your help now! She needs you to be strong!

So get on that computer & start working it, Baby! Flood the state, the county, the city & all the agencies with requests for information on services available.

State link; http://www.nv.gov/

favorite links for the aging/disabled:http://www.nvaging.net/links.htm

I counted over 200 links on this page alone before I quit! Be High Profile! Be the squeaky wheel & they'll come across with something to grease your way.

You don't need anything from that selfish brat! You can do it! Look at all the things you tried in NY regarding your legal issues. Ok, things aren't always fair or right especially in court. But you are a strong woman! You learned a lot then. Apply it now.
Find out what your legal rights are as tenant. My landlord told me the sheriff was coming to arrest me & seize my belongs in three days. I went to the courthouse & found out it was just a scare tactic, completely false. Now the bank who repossessed the property is going to give me enough money to move.

No one can abuse you if you don't let them! You are no doormat!
If someone else you knew was in the same situation, you'd be burning up the internet for them. High Time to stop thinking about what HE says/does/wants & start thinking "What do I really want?" Let your imagination go wild! Don't limit yourself to the here & now;
Think outside the box! Gabi925 is absolutely right! There are lots of smart decent caring people out there who need your wisdom & life skills. Stop casting your pearls to those swine!
I can just see you as house mother to abused kids, for example.

We love you & need you, especially me, Best Buddy!
If you still need the Cavalry, well, they're on their way!