I realized why

I realized why the last few weeks have been he11. I knew it was April, but I remembered why I hate April. Why April is always so hard. I remember thinking at the beginning of April "here we go again". But somehow it kind of slipped my mind as to why it is so bad. Especially as it continued to get worse. It doesn't make it all better. But it makes it seem less crazy. That I know why it is happening. Instead of it happening out of no where and not knowing when it is going to stop. That it is connected to something makes it a little more bearable. It lets me know I'm not totally loosing it. But also how much my attack still effects me. Now I just have to go tell T next week, because I think she is perplexed as to this downturn. I can't wait for the end of April. Sorry for all of you that like April.

My husband always gets upset during April and this year (our 5th year together), I felt the same way. "Here we go again." I can only assume something terrible happened to him in April. I asked him why he always gets upset, what's wrong with April? He never answered me. I asked him this April and last April as well. But I can't wait for May. He's done better this year though, maybe he realized what was wrong when I asked him. I get upset in certain months too, but I haven't really understood why. August is the worst for me. I suppose, because it is the month my mother, sister, and I would come back from New York every year and we were reunited with my father and the abuse would began again. Also, it is my father and abusive ex's birthday month. And the month we would go back to school, not so bad when I was living with my father as well, but you know how it is. Knowing why you feel a certain way around anniversaries can help. My grandmother has found it to help her a lot.

That happened to me in August this year-the end of August- and my case worker at the WTC Responder Program said "you know, you've been calling us every day this past week?, Got any idea why?" I didn't get it...She said "It's your anniversary on the 11th of September, and Obama's going to try them in Civil Court in NYC".

I knew that.....I knew it--I was a mess... I can relate--((((HUGS)))) theo