[Hope4me2]

Since Sunday night I been having flashbacks and memories and smelling things.... my husband and I went to a funeral of a friend and while there I started seeing my neice in a small casket....she died suddenly when I was only 11 yrs old...it was very traumatic for me....she was my older sisters baby that she had when she was 15....for the first 5 months we reaised her at home with my dad and brothers...our mom left us when I was 2yrs old.....then I was sexually abused by my brother for 2 yrs until my neice was born and brother moved on with his life....my neice died when she was 9 months and very suddenly....I usually went to see her on weekends with my dad but did not get to see her one weekend and the following week my sister came to tell my dad and I that my neice was dead.... I screamed and screamed....cannot still remember any of the days after that until the funeral.....that is what I remember on Sunday night....it came to me in a wave while at our friends viewing...our friend was in pink with pink flowers. so was my neice an I kept seeing her and then would look back and it was our friend.....it triggered flashbacks BIG time.....and I kept smelling baby lotion....still smelling it right now.... I remembered taking her out of the casket at the funeral and holding her and falling to the floor with her and rocking and crying and screaming...it feels right now like it just happened...cannot shake these feelings....WHY now......taiked to my T about it today and I cried and cried....he is the first one I told....I did not tell a soul since it happened...thought I was going crazy and I still do....my T says I am not, it is just that my mind says it is ready to let me remember....
I hate when these flash of memories come....makes me wonder what else is in my mind that will come out later....feel so full of anxiety and my mind and body feels like it happened just yesterday...
so sorry for rambling on and on....but this is eating me alive....havent had any flashbacks for awhile and now this one hits like this....UGH
SO SORRY FOR VENTING

{{{{{ Hope }}}}}

Oh sweetie, you are not venting.

I hate when these flash of memories come....makes me wonder what else is in my mind that will come out later....feel so full of anxiety and my mind and body feels like it happened just yesterday...

Yes, this is the process, I'm afraid. It is scary and sad and confusing. Take your time. Breathe. Grieve.

I'm sorry about your niece and your friend and everything.

Petunia