Wow! this explains so much!

I am so sorry Hippie, this is a road I have not come to yet. But in some way I am trying to prepare myself for when it does appear.

The one thing that has helped me is to look at the abuser in different ways. I have looked at what made them who they are or were. Many times I saw a person who knew no better. It seems like ever since I could remember, I have done that all my life, wonder WHY.

I really appreciate this place, PC. I wish it had been there when I needed to know that I wasn't alone. At many points in my life I had to develope ways of trying to understand, trying to keep going. They say ignorance is bliss but I think it is inevitable that at some point we are shocked when there is no more ignorance.

Many times when I reach out to someone here it is to reach back to myself as well and say, " Look where you were, how could you have known, you always felt like you should have known, should have been stronger." I try to tell others that they shouldnt have to feel guilty that they are not ready or just don't know yet.

I guess in many ways I reach out because I so wanted and needed that when I faced all my struggles. Oh how looked for someone to know more, and guide me.

When I talked about the different stages of life, I remember how I felt and all the pressure of well, Im not a kid anymore, I should know more, Im not a teenager anymore, I should know who I want to be by now, I am married now, shouldn't I know now? Or, I am in my 30's now, shouldnt I have a real handle on it now?

At some point you get to a point, where I am now, and realize how much you didn't really know and all the feelings that came with it. And you see all the times you were stopped dead in your path and tried to deal with it and maybe you didn't know enough how to do it right. I have trouble with the saying "Ignorance is bliss" sometimes it helped me get thru and other times it prevented me from getting thru or made it harder to get thru.

I think, "If I had only known, it would have been better, easier to deal with it". " If I had only known that all the times of uncertainty and even fear in my life was, in fact normal for my age and life experience.

I think when I come here and hear the cries of the ages, I am compelled to reach out and say, its okay, what your feeling is justified, I have been there, you can do it. Thats what I wished for, someone to do that for me all thru my ages of COMPROMISE and CONFUSION.

I guess, when I give here, I go back and give to that person in me who
needed to just know that it was ok, I just didn't know, didn't have any idea, had to learn. I don't want anyone to be lonely like I was, trying to figure out what to do with no one there to really answer.

Hippie, its ok to not know what to do, to try to do what YOU need to do to feel safe. I have not traveled that road yet. But I have come to a point where, I have to understand the person behind the abuse. It wasn't my fault and there was something wrong with them. There is never an excuse for bad behavior. No one ever really gets away with it, somehow they know deep inside and they suffer from it. Sometimes it may appear that they are living the good life somehow. But, don't let that fool you, they are suffering inside, they know they did wrong, deep inside.

It has been said, "Vengence is mine sayith the Lord". I have lived long enough to see that this is true. Sometimes a person is allowed to climb the ladder very high, even though they have done wrong. But, the fall is much greater for them the hit is much harder for them.

So, we have to learn to let go of harm to us. Let someone else punish an abuser. Dont let the abuser continue to punish us because we do not see a punishment for them. The time for them will come. The only way you can morn for someone like that is to morn for their wasted life.

Open Eyes

Open Eyes : I just wanted you to know that your input has ALWAYS been appreciated and ALWAYS been helpful. Seems we're all in the same struggle - just at different stages. It's nice when someone who's come a ways in their journey can advise those just getting on the path. And in helping others, perhaps they can remember what it was like when they first started. I know I need the wisdom & guidance of others who have been on the path longer than me - and their kind, gentle understanding as they see me struggle to get where they are.

Lavalamp