P.E - first exposure in imagination

Today T had me tell my S.A story like 5 times. And i got to .... know more...it came clearer

MY GOD



IDK i feel i CANNOT stay alone with this right now. I cannot be with the body. The feeling like its happening right now..that

****TRIGGER WARNING*****
He is stepping on my foot and and my ankle hurt so much the blackness and my scream

******

oh well i guess i do not need another time but since i dissociated from it then it is hard to "associate" with it.

I feel something in me does not trust that T really believes me...that i believe myself! T even did not do any relaxation (well i was a little late for session today) but overall. I felt like ****. well **** doesn`t describe it.

How do you stay aware and away RIGHT here RIGHT now...without..well heh - i have a lot of that. This is very complex. The trauma. So there will be more to come for me and,,,,

well

whatever

That is very brave of you, and veryyyyyyyyy hard to talk about.

Did your T say that if you're struggling that you can call/email them at all? Or book a sooner appointment? Having to deal with the emotions and flashbacks and feeling dissociative all by yourself is really hard.

Take care of yourself, find something positive you can do to keep yourself safe.

yes - he did tell me that i could call. He told me that if i felt like S.I i could.....

I hope to not do it though....

thinking of you and hoping you're okay