[Can't Stop Crying]

I am not okay. I am going to try for one more month of short term disability, maybe that will help. I've missed work 3 days in a row now.
My head is so full right now, it just does not stop.

It seems like every time I am a little low, the flood gates open and the past comes rushing in. I am trying to let it go, but it is holding on to me so tight.

I am alone and scared and I don't want to remember anymore.

I keep telling myself it is the past and that I am safe now, I don't feel safe.

Why does it still hurt so much?

There is screaming in my head. His words are all I hear, part of me still believes them too much to counter them. I can feel it in my body, the things he did,

I feel like I'm going crazy

[Lilly55]

it says I have to post something before I can get to a chat room so I am posting something I have ptsd and this is too hard

I am not ok either

[Irine]

same here.

[mgran]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know even if I'm alright to give you a hug, since I don't know what that might mean to you, but please know that there's someone here caring for you, and praying that you're alright.

For a time now I've read your posts and been too frightened what to say, but at least let me say that I care. Look after yourself.

[Can't Stop Crying]

just saw my regular doctor..switching meds again to try to help with the flashbacks and nightmares...made desperate call to T to see if he could squeeze me in any where...left VM..waiting for call back

[madisgram]

good for u CSC. you are reaching out for help. please keep us posted. sorry haven't pm'ed u back yet. i will, promise. proud of you. ptsd is very debilitating. we start believing what they say derogatory to us. you need to dig deep inside yourself to ward off those false beliefs about yourself. they are not real. i call it mind control and we become POW'S. keep working on this with your T. ask for feedback from him or ways you can ward off these thoughts and replace real beliefs about yourself. try to make an asset list re the things you have achieved or done. examples-you are a kind person (and u are). you have shown courage to reach out to get better. you are a caring person. you are a sick person trying to get well-and u are whether u know it or not. you came to pc to find suuport. you are not prideful, one of the seven deadly sins,etc. when u feel yourself feeling negative about yourself re-read the asset/affirmation list. this repitition of reinforcing your positive,true knowledge bout self can drown out the negative. hang in there. it will get better.you'll have to trust me on this. i've been there and i have a wonderful life now with the eforts i made and the suppot i received from my T and my friends.u have us here too..never forget that. we care about you even tho it's here at pc.

[Can't Stop Crying]

T called last night, he will get me in today. I'm relieved, scared, anxious, disappointed that I've reached this point and about a million other things. I'm glad he called back though.

[FFABD]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

T called last night, he will get me in today. I'm relieved, scared, anxious, disappointed that I've reached this point and about a million other things. I'm glad he called back though.

No one here is disappointed in you for anything. You are human and are suffering a real pain, from real trauma. Here you are loved, something I know I say a lot, but you are loved here, whether we know you in human form or not, because you can't have lived with/through what we each have and not love, deeply and unconditionally, every gentle soul who's walked the same jagged road.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Talked some about the flashbacks and grounding techniques. I'll write more in a different post when I'm not so overwhelmed

[cherrygash321]

I know exactly what you mean when you can't stop the war going on inside your head. You're not at the place yet where you are strong enough to counter the brain-washing abuse, but you'll get there, you'll believe you are worth your life, things take time with PTSD. I also can relate to when you said you could still feel the things he did to you, physically. That's a hard pill to swallow after something traumatic, learning your body doesn't forget either. What i find helpful is meds, group, therapy, and CBT. It is hard as hell sometimes to ground myself in a safe way. I want to cut/drink. Hopefully meds will start helping. Something i like to use to ground is squeeze an ice cube in my hand until it melts. Hope u find some good coping skills that work for you.