[Gracey]

Do not read if you are easily triggered!!



Today, while listening to someone talk about drinking blood during a ceremony, something really weird happened to me. I could taste blood in my mouth; I could feel the thickness of it on my tongue, and even felt a stringy clot. I have never had a "repressed" memory, but its like I almost remember.

Am I losing my mind?

[(JD)]

No Gracey. I 'm sorry you heard and experienced this. Being able to sense this after the fact proves how strong the brain is, and how strong the mind/body connection is!

I lost my sense of taste and smell due to the injury. To enjoy eating, I need color, temperature, texture... and imagination! I try to remember what the food tasted like, and apply when I eat... sometimes I can even "smell" it... but then... not all senses of taste and smell are in the mouth and nose....

I think you must have had an experience at least close enough to project the actual from this conversation? Are you ok with this, now?

[JustBen]

At some point in your life, Gracey, I'm sure you had some blood in your mouth. (Maybe just bit your tounge or cheek and out it comes.) So I'm sure you know what it's like. When someone describes a similar situation, your brain makes the connection. I don't think it makes you crazy at all. In fact, just talking about this I can almost taste that coppery blood taste in my mouth.

[Gracey]

It's so much more than just the taste though. The sense of . . .I don't know - it's stronger than fear but similar to it.

[dalila]

<font color="green"> When my tonsils were removed I swallowed a lot of blood. the next day when I got up I barfed it up all over. I know that is gross, but the point is that I remember the taste and texture of blood in my mouth from that. I suppose if you had been slapped in the face it is possible that you had enough blood to remember it and enough fear to forget why. </font>

Thanks for posting this. Though I don't know how it escaped being removed because it could trigger some if they are victims of ritualistic abuse. Usually posts as graphic as this get removed. I for one am glad it didn't. Im a cutter so I naturally have a sort of fasination with blood - the look taste you name it. so thanks again for posting it. I also have experienced flashbacks surrounding blood so now I know Im not alone in experiencing those types of memories. Glad more graphic material is now allowed on the site.

[Gracey]

I was honestly suprised to see it remain too, myself. I halfway expected one of the mods to remove it, but I"m glad they left it. I realize it could trigger those who experienced ritual abuse. Honestly, I'm still trying to figure that out for myself.

I needed honest answers. I took a chance. I don't know where else to go to get any answers; there isn't a forum on here specifically for ritual abuse, so I figured, PTSD was prettty close.

[Rapunzel]

We consider each post individually. Gracey, you used the trigger icon and a subject line that is a good warning, and you didn't go into unnecessary detail. Your tone was one of sincerely looking for answers to a question you didn't understand. I have watched this thread to make sure that reactions to it were okay, but it has not looked to me like anything needed to be removed or edited.

I hope that you are getting help from the responses that you are receiving. I haven't responded before because I didn't have a lot to add other than what people have told you about how the memory works and possible reasons why you might have a memory of blood in your mouth. It's not necessarily an unusual thing, especially if you have had dental work done, or any facial injuries. When I was little, the corners of my mouth used to just spontaneously bleed and wouldn't stop, kind-of like a nosebleed, and sometimes I even had to go to the ER to get the bleeding stopped. Thank heavens I grew out of that.

[Gracey]

I'm still struggling with this one. I talked to my friend, who is also my cousin, who was abused with me when we were little and asked her about this; about whether or not there was anything to it or if my mind was just making a weird connection. She got really quiet and said, "What DO you remember" and then very nearly word for word described the experience I could recall. I'm not sure how I'm feeling about this. I want to self harm, to put things back into an arena I can control. I'm trying really hard to keep it together at this point. She never forgot anything from our childhood, and although she doesn't "salt" my memories at all, she is someone I can go to when I have those big, black blobs floating over what I can see.

[(JD)]

(((gracey)))) She "never" forgot anything? I don't know... you said she was abused "with" you? I daresay that she is not revealing memories to herself... yet, all, if what you said is true about the abuse. Sigh. I'm glad you have her to talk with, but don't rely upon her memory as to whether your memories are "validated" or not, ok?

Often when a memory is brought out into the open it is unsettling... as opening up to it "proves" it really happened (or something did) and no longer as easy to deny. I think that you have some memories that are hard to keep, shows you are in control... maybe more in control than you cousin, even? IDK. Don't harm yourself any more.. if you can control that... don't let "them" continue to abuse you.. you don't deserve it!