Mother with Untreated PTSD

My mother obviously has untreated PTSD and I'm trying to get some signs, symptoms, insights and just general knowledge as to how to deal with her. She was physically abused by my alcoholic grandmother and sexually abused by her oldest brother. We have no contact with the brother and my grandmother committed suicide when I was about 11 or so.

Sometimes I wonder if I have some of it too? I certainly know I was codependent for most of my twenties (I am now 32 and three years deep into therapy that I had to give up due to job loss). I lost my father, grandmother, and great grandmother all within a year when I was 11 - the latter two lived with me from birth. My father did not live with me.

My mom is 53 going on 83. She finagled herself onto disability claiming she had an "eye" issue. Claims she cant do anything. Refuses to take a part time job because she's "above that" and is trying to raise my 14 year old brother of whom she has forced to grow up long before his time (just as I was forced the same way).

Since I see there are people here that suffer (but glad that I see most of you seek help as I did for my codependency) I was hoping you could give me some insight as to how to deal with it? What are my responsibliities as a daughter? We live on adjoining property and quite frankly, my therapist told me that I should have as little to do with her as possible but to be there for my little brother. But how do you let someone just go in this downward spiral????? She refuses therapy.

wow - i am sorry your dealing with all of this. it isn't easy to see someone spiral out of control; especially, when there are things that may help them. my father was an alcoholic his entire life; he never reached out and gave up his entire family.

in my experience - we can't "force" people into getting better. some prefer to stay stuck in their pain for many reasons. when this happens, we have to accept this fact; and process it to the best of our abilities. this is their journey; their life lessons to learn. not ours.

The most important thing for you to do is TAKE CARE OF YOU! I hope that doesn't sound selfish; Its not meant to. It's just the truth.

If you think about it those fighting whatever battle it is (ptsd/addictions/etc.) will only get better WHEN & IF they want to. none of life is easy - i certainly know that - but we can only give so much of ourselves in helping those we love; and at some point, we'll end up at the breaking point on our journey.