[siljie]

I am a nervous wreck about it. Band camp starts at the beginning of August and goes all the way until school starts, and then there's school itself. My abuser is two years older than me and this year I am just now starting high school as a 9th grader. I got out of the abusive situation last school year in the fall, and only recently have I been officially diagnosed with PTSD by my T. We've been talking this over, and going over what to do if she does confront me during this, or act on me in a sudden violent way. But I am still so nervous and paranoid - not just of the "what ifs" but of all the unpleasant memories that I know are going to smother me, just at the sound of her voice and having her in the same room. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to focus on the music and marching when I get so hyper-vigilant and tense.

And all school year I'll have to deal with her... seeing her in the hallways, having her in the same area as me all through football/marching season... I don't know how I'll be able to handle the nerves. My T has been telling me all about how she no longer has any power over me, and how charges will be pressed if she does anything again - and the only thing weighing me down is myself and that's what I need to rise above. It's just so difficult not to get sucked into this... I can't control it.

I want to enjoy life and be a normal teenager. I don't want to live like this forever, suffocating in my own memories, things from the [I]past[I] that I should have discarded long ago!

I am just so nervous about this all starting up... I know she's been spreading rumors about me, as I've heard them through the grapevine. I've learned things about myself that I had no idea existed! I don't want her to make my life any more of a hell than she already has.

[Gilead]

siljie,

I think you're brave enough to face it. Listen to your T. Don't let her get to you - walk away if you need to. She will need to live with the consequences of what she has done in the past. While you have a future ahead of you that is bright and holds so much potential - she has nothing.

You are the better person and you'll prevail because of it...

[SoupDragon]

Hi Siljie - sorry you are having to face such a difficult time right now, good that you have a T.

I don't know about the details of the abuse you suffered and I am guessing that you reported it? It seems pretty unfair that you are going to have to face the person again, I can imagine that does bring up all sorts of ifs and buts.

Again assuming that you reported the abuser, is the college not going to do anything to support you? If I had been bitten by a Lion I would be really wary of going near it again, even if I had the most fantastic mental tools to deal with my anxiety, so I think in some ways it seems really normal for you to be feeling nervous about being near to this person again.

[siljie]

You see, when I reported her to get out of the situation, I did so to someone of authority - a teacher. But the teacher had a crappy reaction and all she did was call my mom, even though the things that this girl did to me were illegal and sick. So as far as I know, they aren't doing/haven't done anything that would keep her away from me. So I'm basically just hoping that she has the common sense to back off. I'm going to make sure to stay around other friends and keep in crowded areas at all times possible.

[Open Eyes]

(((((((Siljie)))))))

Somehow you are going to have to work at gaining strength. But I want you to know that this person is the one who truely suffers. This girl obviously has issues that you don't know about yet. Somehow you have something that she wishes she had. And because she doesn't have it she doesn't want you to have it either. And there will be times in your life that you may address this again. So, you have to work on building up your strengths and learning how to not let others interfere with who you are. Because the more they think they are taking from you the more power they will think they have over you. So, you are going to have to work with your T at learning how to stand your ground. Practice makes perfect so you might as well use this girl to build your abilities to becoming a stronger person.

And part of what you are going to learn is how to put certain people who are negetive and are not respecting your boundaries, on your ignore list. And make sure your T is helping you learn how to properly set boundaries, because it is something we all need to learn. You set your first boundary by bringing your issue to a teacher.
If that teacher is not effective in helping you maintain your boundaries, then you have to go higher up to someone who can help you do that.

In a way you are lucky because there is a lot of attention being drawn to preventing bullying in schools. So, all your efforts can be used to help guide teachers and higher ups to actually taking appropriate actions to prevent the bullying you are describing.
You also need to go to your "guidance coucelor" in school and get her involved as well.
Make sure you keep a journal and write down anything that effects you from the actions of this other girl. Anyone who interferes with your right to comfortably walk the halls and enjoy your learning enviornment in school needs to be reported.
And the only way that can happen is students taking the needed steps to actively point out poor behaviors by other students. You did the right thing by reporting your concerns, stay on that path. And write down whatever gossip is being passed around about you that is causing you concern "Make sure you keep notes, very important, along with dates and people who are involved".

And remember we are always here to help you and support you.

Open Eyes

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by siljie

You see, when I reported her to get out of the situation, I did so to someone of authority - a teacher. But the teacher had a crappy reaction and all she did was call my mom, even though the things that this girl did to me were illegal and sick. So as far as I know, they aren't doing/haven't done anything that would keep her away from me. So I'm basically just hoping that she has the common sense to back off. I'm going to make sure to stay around other friends and keep in crowded areas at all times possible.

That sounds like a good plan - do you have some close friends at colllege who know about what happened? Is you rmum supportive? I am still shocked that if this person did something illegal that no firmer action was taken to protect others - sounds like she may even need some help / guidance herself.

Good luck to you - sounds like you have a great T to support you. SD

[siljie]

Thank you for the advice and support, everyone. None of the friends that go to school with me know because I am very silent about what happened. It wasn't playground stuff. I sincerely thought I was going to die, and she even said she was going to kill me back when it was happening. She's a complete sadist, and I agree does need help before she moves onto someone else. If anything happens again, even if it's just a threat, I'll be sure to take said actions.. Thank you.

[Gilead]

siljie,

Please let us know how you're doing and how band camp went.....