[Kmbpeace1171]

Was wondering if anyone else does this? I can barely keep my eyes open & yet I fight sleep still , its almost 2 a.m. I've worked very hard in past 2 days to make my apartment a safe place again as it felt unsafe for a bit and that really angered me as Im in a nice safe beautiful home now for the first time since living on my own. I was just kinda wondering , the only place that does feel safe yet is my bedroom and bed, the body memories occur there more than anywhere, is that why iM fighting sleep do u think? Does that say when and where something may have happened to me why do body memeories happen when feeling relaxed? at least for me they do, anyone else? Gonna tyr to sleep goodnigth

[Open Eyes]

((((((((Kmbpeace1171)))))))))

It may not mean that something happened to you in that specific place. Your disturbed sleep could simply mean that you subconsciously know that if you truely fall asleep you will not be able to be hypervigillant. And it is hard to relax and be hypervigillant as well.

Perhaps at some point in your past something happened to you that completely caught you off guard. So anytime you are not "on guard" you feel vulnerable.
I can totally relate to that as I was caught off guard many times, in very early childhood and all my life I have had trouble truely relaxing. I can think of other people constantly saying to me "Will you just relax?" and I really did try and yet continued to struggle to do just that subconsciously.

I am sure it must be hard for you not knowing exactly where these issues come from.
The only thing you can do is continue to try to see if you can figure that out, it would be nice if you had the why so you could learn to overcome it.

Hopefully through therapy you will get to the bottom of the reason. But for now,
I would suggest that all you can do is concentrate on the fact that whatever did happen is not going to happen now and that you are going to work at redefining your comfort zones.

Now one of the things that you may want to consider is that you may have been in a situation where you were not actually harmed, but , you were in a danger of being harmed and you were afraid of the different pain that may have caused to you. Or, you may have witnessed something where some else was hurt and it was hard for you to see or understand so you just repressed that memory.

It could actually be something you happened upon when you were very young, like you woke up and went downstairs and happened to see a grownup watching a movie that was violent where people were being hurt. And you were unaware of how that stayed in the back of your mind and gave you a false warning of something that can happen to people.

So perhaps your fears are not really real but you just don't remember. Maybe what you could do is see if you can remember that ever happening. It could have been a conversation you were not meant to hear, an article you came across, or as I mentioned a movie or scene in a movie you saw when you were young that had an effect on you that you didn't realize.

Those are things you can explore in therapy.

Open Eyes

[skeksi]

I fight sleep, too. Being asleep puts our bodies in a very vulnerable place--we are open to being attacked, hurt. So it makes sense you try to avoid it.

As Open Eyes says, having reactions at bedtime and in bed does not necessarily mean something happened to you in that setting. It may be that when you are tired, you are more vulnerable to these reactions; it may be that being vulnerable triggers these reactions in you; it may be that there is a tangential relationship between the memories and bed, like you remember a trauma and also remember going to bed that night. Traumatic reactions are complicated, and if we try to read them too literally, it can be confusing.

I see you being very stressed by your reactions and wanting to feel safe and be able to sleep well RIGHT NOW. It may take time for that to happen, though. What if you challenge yourself to take steps to make yourself feel 10% safer? That's a very achievable goal.

Some things I do to feel safe at night: make sure the doors and windows are locked; leave a light on in another room so it looks like someone is awake; do soothing, quiet activities like stretching and meditating for an hour or two before bed; write non-traumatic stuff in my journal; paint; clean. Exercising four or five hours before you want to sleep can help make you tired and ready to sleep, too.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this right now. I know it's hard.

[Visioneer]

Ugh, I did this from the age of 7 up, I feel your pain. Various reasons I won't get into. But the only thing that has improved my situation has been medication. Even now, I fight being knocked out by the meds, and if it wasn't for the meds I wouldn't sleep at all. I have done some pretty nutty things fighting my medication, and even heavily sedated I fight sleeping. It's so habitual and ingrained that I couldn't function without it, I literally have to be knocked out in order to sleep. I just need to learn to stay down :P

Something you could try is to get into relaxation mode in your bed and bedroom during your waking hours. Listen to some relaxing music, read a book, do deep breathing. Make the area pleasant, make it feel like "Yours". Bring things into your bed to work on, like sorting something. Re-tune your mind to the place being something you are in control of.

If you have a friend or someone you feel comfortable with, try hanging out in your room a bit with them. Hard to explain, but I feel like bringing someone into a place that has a negative feeling in my mind kind of "breaks the spell", so to speak. It forces my brain to look at the space in a different way when there is another person in it, interacting, and having a positive experience.

Best of luck, I had difficulty living on my own at first as well, and I'm sure it's going to get better. It sounds like you are happy with where you are living, so it will come.

[Nammu]

I totaly relate to this, I have always fought sleep. Couldn't say how many poems I have that are about sleep is my enemy. I've tried to make peace, friends with sleep but the thought terrifies me. I too need medication which I also fought to sleep.

I find that it is getting easer. I love where I live now, I do have to keep the bedroom very cold, and sadly I found I had to kick my cat out, he is nocturnal and loves to jump on the bed when he comes back from "chasing" toy mice and that would bring me awake on full alert in a state of panic, scaring the bejesus out of both of us. I refuse to watch anything I know is violent or has referance to abuse, as it can find its way to my dreams making me scared to sleep, and soy milk works as good as cow milk to help put me in a calmer state. I've stopped coming to psych central in the evening for the same reason, I've never come across anything really triggering but just the topic too close to bedtime has a tendacy to stick to me and come up in dreams. Instead I try to read fun books and watch comic, and fun DVD's, before bed and it seems to be helping. I got some old ones from the library for this weekend with Goldie Hawn and Doris Day, nice fun and light hearted.

[MysticTheSheperd]

I to fight sleep till I cant keep my eyes open anymore I fight it from being scared of nightmares Where i live is safe for me its just when it gets to be night im already feeling the anxiety of nightmares. If you can figure out why it could be of benefit to you. sounds like for you its not knowing exactly what happened that keeps you fighting sleep