[HorseJumper929]

Hi I'm new here, but no time for sweet talk.
I have had my horse Cassy for 3yrs, and today I had to give her away for retirement at a farm out of state. I miss her so much, and it's triggering my PTSD!
I feel like throwing up every time I think about how I'll never be able to hug her, ride her, or play with her again. She has a stress fracture high on her hip, along with severe arthritis, but a FLAMING YOUNG attitude, and I feel so bad that she can't do what she loves anymore. I feel vulnerable now

*****

Vulnerable is never good for me. She was set up as equine therapy, but it grew. She shielded my heart, soul, and body. I quite literally felt powerful, confident, and less fearful with a 1,400lb horse under me. I'm alone now.

HE can get me now

Long story, bathroom, stranger, 8 years old, unlocked door, .rape. not telling for 6 years. I am STILL scared that he will somehow find out that I told, and he will kill me, or worse, do it again. Cassy was my souls guardian, and now I'm about to shatter...and I'm scared...

16, girl, ohio, self-injury, major depressive disorder, PTSD, generalized anxiety

[Yoda]

Oh hun I am so sorry. I am sorry that you were abused when you were too young to protect yourself. I am sorry you still fear him. And most of all I am sorry that you had to give up your horse friend. I am a horse person too and some days the only peace I had was burying my face in my horse's neck and hugging him tight.

Is it possible that you may be able to replace the horse with a sound one or could you take riding lessons at least? Is there a stable where you could help care for the horses in exchange to riding their horses?

[HorseJumper929]

I've been riding and taking lessons for a year now. I'm on the Interscholastic Equestrian Association, and I have a coach, and he provides horses. There is going to be a new horse coming in, but it's just going to be worse trying to trust again. I can't even trust myself, and Cassy was the first time I had ever given that much trust.

I've been clean from self injury for 3wks, but panic attacks, and flashbacks keep making me think about doing it again. Is this normal for PTSD to flare up like this?

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by HorseJumper929

I've been riding and taking lessons for a year now. I'm on the Interscholastic Equestrian Association, and I have a coach, and he provides horses. There is going to be a new horse coming in, but it's just going to be worse trying to trust again. I can't even trust myself, and Cassy was the first time I had ever given that much trust.

I've been clean from self injury for 3wks, but panic attacks, and flashbacks keep making me think about doing it again. Is this normal for PTSD to flare up like this?

Gee HorseJumper929, I don't know how I missed your post here.
Sorry to hear about your horse and your experience too.

I can totally relate to everything you are saying. How are you making out with your riding, I hope you find another horse that can help you overcome your loss, it is hard but it sounds like you are still young enough to keep riding and enjoying horses.

The answer to your question is yes, PTSD can flair up again. It can come whenever something unresolved or is lost can happen. Try to keep riding and use that to work your way through the PTSD. Let us know how you are making out.

Open Eyes