[notsohot]

I don't know what to say... I can't think straight...

Basic history...
At age 28 - I get a Breast cancer diagnosis May 2010 Stage 3 locally advanced "emergency case". Got rushed thru healthcare system to start chemo ASAP! AC 4 and 4 Taxotere. Then mastectomy with partial pectoral muscle removal. 5 weeks of daily radiation. Then MORE chemo! 3 Cisplatin and 6 Navelbine.

I am 30 now. Recently finished chemo in June. Since then, I've been messed up. I don't know how to describe it exactly... not sure if I'm overexagerating things... paranoia! Constantly thinking and reminissing about cancer treatment. Not just my treatment, also my moms cancer treament (she died 10 yrs ago from colon ca). I am so forgetful! Sometimes I forget to rinse the shampoo out of my hair, or put the car in park before turning it off. Sometimes I forget what I am saying in the middle of talking! I feel really dumb and embarassed sometimes!

Ahhh! Help?!

[I had no idea]

It definitely makes sense. You had something unexpected and traumatic happen to you, and you really had no control in the outcome. Plus, I think think your mother's death is also playing into it too. I'm sure this whole experience has rocked your world and changed the way you think about everything. Who wouldn't be depressed going through this and who wouldn't have anxiety coming out of it? I have PTSD and forget things with no explanation. I space off and am in my own world sometimes. No one gets any of this & I feel that society is very ignorant with these issues. If you don't have a therapist, find a good, compassionate one that you can develop a trusting relationship with. It really helps to talk about what happened in the past and what your fears might be for the future. It helps when you understand what you're going through and why, and by doing that you can help yourself in dealing with it in a more effective way. It's a long-term committment, but it's best to go and give it a try. You're not going crazy! I think the way you are feeling is almost natural from what you have gone through. Good luck & keep us posted!

My sister had ovarian cancer at the age of 12 back in 1969, so her treatments were very invasive and rather experimental. She had struggles as an adult dealing with all she had been through. I don't think that is particularly unusual. Have you considered therapy?

The forgetfulness may actually be related to chemo. This same sister had breast cancer, went through chemo for that, then ended up having a bone marrow transplant and more chemo. She had very severe short term memory loss (yours doesn't sound anywhere near that bad though). They did say the chemo might have been the cause of the memory issues, so you might want to ask about it. Can't hurt to ask. Or, it could just be anxiety related, which again might indicate the need for some therapy.

I would suspect you could find a survivor's group in your area also. Being able to talk to other people who have your common experience might be really helpful. Check with your hospital or oncologist. They probably know how to get you in touch with the right people. The American Cancer Society might also be a good source.

[WikidPissah]

Breast cancer is a traumatic event. I went thru it all this year, and my mind and body are shot. I cry in the shower every day when I look at my disfigurement. I had reconstruction done, but things definitely look differently. I had PTSD from childhood trauma before the cancer, and the cancer added a whole other layer onto the trauma. I recommend therapy, there are specific therapists who deal with cancer. Also cancer survivors groups are really helpful.

[Open Eyes]

((((((notsohot))))))) I am so sorry for your struggle. You have some good advice here. You are going to get through this one day at a time. Make sure you get good support from others that have gone through this as well, you are definitely not alone.

((((((WikidPissah))))))) I am so sorry, you too? Oh may you find strength and be well. Maybe at some point you can get reconstructive surgery. My cousin has a hospital down south where he is reconstructing women's breasts. They can do so much now.

((((((farmergirl)))) you are such a survivor you have had may struggles. You are inspiring.

((((( Ihadnoidea))))) very good advice.

I went through a life saving surgery as well and I have a long scar from just below my rib cage all the way down. It took me a long time to look at this terrible intrusion on my body and my stomach used to be my favorite part. I guess I have to be thankful I am even here. And the truth is you can still be a beautiful person in spite of scars.
I just choose not to look at it. I just look at my eyes and my face and other things that are still me.

Lot of hugs

Open Eyes

[Astridetal]

I agree with what has been said. While your symptoms don't sound like classic PTSD symptoms, they could still be PTSD. Cancer and its treatment can definitely be traumatizing. Maybe you can find a therapist who has expereince with cancer survivors so they'll understand your specific situation. I wish you strength.