Feeling unsafe doing this....

T gave me lots of homework for this week....
One of the tasks is to go out....
I am going to find a place..

You know what?
It`s always interesting to go beyond the safety zone...BUT...i don`t want to dissociate! I don`t enjoy it, then...

I feel a little hesitant....my fear is: The Night....

The problem is that i really have no friends. Only one online friends who lives in a different country. I used to be friends from childhood with 2 girls who are my neighbors in the place i live with my parents - but we "broke up" a few months ago.

In the area i live - alone in my one room apartment - i have only T to talk to - and this is an hour a week and a phone call for a few minutes IF i am in emotional crisis (which managed to happen at least one a week until now...)

I don`t know if i will get to know people there,,,so that gradually i get out of my loneliness...

I am used to feel very unsafe at night. And to have flash backs. The flash backs say that any place like a bar or a club is a BAD DANGEROUS place! And i better stay home alone, safe, talking to God....

Go out at dusk/sunset on a nice day and just walk around your apartment building once. I was kind of afraid of the dark and waited until a nice summer night, had lots of lights on and the door/screen open to the outside and went out to my side yard and just stood there at around 9:00-10:00 and looked around, remembering good times at outdoor evening picnics and catching fireflies from childhood. I went out before it was real late or I'd expect my "unsafe" elements to be out

I did that when I got afraid of thunderstorms too; got tired of being afraid so said a quick prayer to the effect that what will be will be and went out walking in it as it was moving away and there wasn't as much lightning/thunder as there had been. The more you "see" and experience what is actually there, the less scary thinking about it is and it's mostly our thoughts that do us in?

Find a time when it is mostly dark that doesn't bother you as much as other times? Do you pay attention to what times of day are better/worse for you? When my husband was away, I use to be afraid until about 3:00-4:00 a.m. when I deemed the murderers/robbers would be heading home to their own beds :-) I could get to sleep then, too bad it was so late and, if it were a weeknight, I'd be horribly tired at work the next day or have to call out/make plans ahead of time not to go.