After-Hospitalization Effects?

I feel very out of place here, like I shouldn't be posting because I KNOW I don't have PTSD. But this seemed like the right place to post...I hope you don't mind!

As many of you know, I've been in hospital 9 times, from 16-19. Lots of different meds, different therapies, rounds of ECT. I'm 19 now. It's been over 7 months since my last hospitalization.

But my memories of it all are in bits and pieces. So much happened, I know. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Why did my mind block out most of it? On another thread I made in the Bipolar section, a lot of people said it was because of trauma. When I hear "trauma" I think, SA, witnessing a death, fighting in the war, being severely bullied...stuff like that.

Sure, lots of my hospitalizations were intense, and lots of stuff happened, (Of course, the memories are bits and pieces) but can it really be labelled "trauma"? I avoid thinking about the psychiatric hospital as much as possible, because it makes me feel depressed and panicky inside. Sometimes I dream about the hospital, which is always unnerving. I hate passing by the hospital, even, let alone go inside it, because of how it makes me feel.

It bothers me that these memories affect me so much, in the present day. Why can't I just leave the past, and the accompanying fear, behind?

trauma is trauma...there is no scale...what is traumatic for you just is.

do your experiences meet the criteria enough for "ptsd"? who knows...does it really matter...it is bothersome to you& that is really ALL that matters. there is no one size fits all definition..just as there is no one size fits all remedy..& as such you have every right to post here.

the hospitalizations were traumatic..if for no other reason than there were many of them or that you were young...what ever.

probably by riding past the hospital every day you are in some way helping yourself to heal...by addressing the fears & identifying them (just thinking out loud here..not in any way a trained t).

hospitals are loud, scary, noisy...new meds, everybody in their own little psychiatric hell..what's there not to provide stress?

talk about it here, with a t, do what ever it takes to feel at ease again...take that big lug of a dog for a walk by there if need be...he will protect you (ok maybe not..mine will if i carry food)

Part of the memory loss could be from the ECT - short term memory loss was common with alll the women undergoing it, when I was IP. And being IP is scary, it's not you're normal routine - new meds, people monitoring you, some of the other patients maybe being a bit scary.

I know I still get slightly freaked out when I have to go back into one of the buildings I was IP in for 8 weeks, and my IP experience was relatively good. My psychiatrist is there, so I have to go there once a month. I always have this irrational fear, that I won't be able to leave.

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