Since my dad's death, I've been having to deal with my mother a lot more than I would like. Periodically, especially when she's being totally unreasonable and unfair, I have horrible pain my low back. In a flash, it truly feels like it used to when she would use the belt on me. Then the stupid pain lingers. It re-occurs sometimes when I'm just thinking about her or talking to her on the phone. Nothing seems to get rid of it. Anyone else have this? Advice for dealing with it. Obviously, it's not actually there so I haven't taken Tylenol or anything. Or will a pain killer help

[lostmyway21]

When I am in an bad flashback, I get a really intense pain in my shoulder. I think it is related to the anxiety associated with it. Once I take an ativan, it goes away. Maybe it's more of a stress induced pain?

[Irine]

i have that a lot too - the brain ratepayers it again. try to move the parts that hurt - and focus on the now....

i get neck pain every year on the anniversary of a really bad memory...it has been slightly less now that i have talked about it & connected the pain & the memory but every year like clockwork around mothers day it shows up & my neck freezes.

knowing what causes it helps but still the pain is terrible..

[Aslan]

yeah .muscle memory and recall.

[(JD)]

Once you identify it as pain, then go ahead and manage it...with ice, heat, and medication. It's real at that point.

Yes, your body could be experiencing body memories. It's good that you've already recognized this, and can begin to change your thoughts about your mom in the future to help prevent your returning physical issues.

Reframing your negative thoughts would probably be good for you. Take some time to truly think about the current issues with your mom, and what you can and cannot do for her...and make decisions about what you can and must do for yourself. Remember, your mom is an adult, and she remains an adult regardless of her condition. She made choices in the past (and present?) that affect how she lives now. That is not your problem. You can only do the best you can do for now, for who you are, and what you and she need from the relationship.

Reframing negative thoughts, or past thoughts about how her actions harmed you or whatever, would involve acknowledging that you did feel that way, but now.... "yes, she beat me in the past and I feel like she is beating me again with her demands today... I am an adult now and will not allow her to treat me this way, even if it means I have to spend less time with her." for example only.

Originally Posted by (JD)

Once you identify it as pain, then go ahead and manage it...with ice, heat, and medication. It's real at that point.

Yes, your body could be experiencing body memories. It's good that you've already recognized this, and can begin to change your thoughts about your mom in the future to help prevent your returning physical issues.

Reframing your negative thoughts would probably be good for you. Take some time to truly think about the current issues with your mom, and what you can and cannot do for her...and make decisions about what you can and must do for yourself. Remember, your mom is an adult, and she remains an adult regardless of her condition. She made choices in the past (and present?) that affect how she lives now. That is not your problem. You can only do the best you can do for now, for who you are, and what you and she need from the relationship.

Reframing negative thoughts, or past thoughts about how her actions harmed you or whatever, would involve acknowledging that you did feel that way, but now.... "yes, she beat me in the past and I feel like she is beating me again with her demands today... I am an adult now and will not allow her to treat me this way, even if it means I have to spend less time with her." for example only.

JD, thank you so much for the practical advice. I knew that my body could have a "memory" of the pain; it's happened before when I was at a fundraiser for a foster care agency and another person was describing the abuse he suffered. It's just never been so persistent before. I still have a hard time thinking of it as "real" because I know my muscles haven't actually suffered a recent trauma.

Re-framing the issues may work, and I appreciate the advice on that. I just need to get through the next week and then I don't have to have contact with her. Basically, it's not that she's making demands on me; she's just treating me very unfairly compared to my siblings, and it just brings it all back again. She gave my older sister an antique pick-up, and gave my younger sister an antique sedan and numerous antique guns, allowed my younger sister's husband to take some of my things that my dad had been storing, and THEN, told me if I wanted my dad's junky little pick-up that is only worth about $1000, I would have to pay her $2000 for it. So, I need to decide if I really want the pick-up (my dad LOVED that truck), and if so, I just have to pay her for it, get the title and then I'm done.

I appreciate the support and validation everyone offered. Thank you all so much!

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I still have a hard time thinking of it as "real" because I know my muscles haven't actually suffered a recent trauma.

It may also be that when you remember, you tense and stiffen without even realizing it, making the muscles sore. I think the suggestion to take care o them like a real muscle pain is a good one. Caring for yourself, being gentle with yourself, is never a bad thing!