Finish Line

Things suck I know..though I do not know of new stuff with you but I know a lotta stuff.I agree with your picture post..may I add maybe we could sit under a toadstool....its even smaller than an umbrella and we can hide better

((((((((((((Petunia)))))))))))))

Petunia, having the courage to run at that finishing line is no less important than what you will accomplish once you've succeeded in crossing the line. I'm sorry it feels so disheartening and painful but boy, do I admire you getting up, dusting yourself off and persevering. Kudos.

((((((((((((((((((((Petunia))))))))))))))))))))

((((( Thanks Everyone )))))

i'll help you up pet......

Petunia we may never cross that line but we can honestly say..we ran and tried and crawled harder than most people. Though I would rather someone pull our azzes across that line....(( Petunia))

we ran and tried and crawled harder than most people.

And through it all we've still managed to lol.

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Petunia said:
we ran and tried and crawled harder than most people.

And through it all we've still managed to lol.

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True way true but that may be attributed to that cashew syndrome

Hmmm. Now that all that's said.... I 'm not sure of what finish line you're speaking.

I risk saying this, because the thread is in the PTSD forum. There is no cure for PTSD (dare I say, Yet?) Are you heading towards a realistic goal here?

Sorry, Petunia,.... but part of my accepting my disability is making me review my thoughts about any "finish line" that I thought there was for me.

Can you share just what "ends" you are searching for and "seeing?"

Sigh.

I was just about there, at my "finish line."

I was beginning to tell my story (for the hundredth millionth time) without the onslaught of overwhelming emotions and memories.

I was ready to walk away and leave it all in the past. Kick it to the curb. I felt READY.

I thought I had perspective. Oh sure, I knew it would come back to bite me, but I was confident enough in my progress to believe it wouldn't break my skin.

I was actually sleeping. Without nightmares or fear. My muscles relaxed a teeny bit and I was able to tell when I was holding my breath or when my shoulders were up past my ears. Anxiety wasn't my driving force. Unheard of.

T and I were doing relaxation exercises which is a BIGGIE for me. It's something I've been unable to do because I wasn't comfortable closing my eyes in front of her (or anyone except hubby) even though I've been with her for nine years.

Trusting. I tried it.

I was holding others accountable and getting mad at them not me. Another biggie.

I wasn't so discouraged about the future and really felt I could cope. I wasn't looking over my shoulder or hanging from the ceiling at the drop of a pin. I think I might've even felt happy. I think I let a sliver of love in, even if only for a moment. It felt warm.

I was just about there, at my finish line.

Intellectually.

But the pin dropped and I'm back on the ceiling, right back where I started.

No wait. Worse.

Petunia

I'm throwing in the towel.

I surrender. I'm done.

It won.

{{{{{ Petunia }}}}}

(((((((((((((((((((Petunia)))))))))))))))))))

Petunia,

It's a long and rocky road. A lot of bumps here and there and sometimes we come off the road altogether. But we do manage to get back onto that road, in the hope that it will get smoother.

Thinking of you.

(((((((((((((((( Petunia ))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((Petunia))))))))))))))))

Petunia, no giving up allowed. You can vent to us and I will be here. I hope for brighter times for you.

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Petunia said:
I'm throwing in the towel.

I surrender. I'm done.

It won.

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I did that some time ago. I am with you

(((((Petunia))))))

((((hugs)))) You aren't really back to where you began...though I know it feels that way.. you are really far along the path. A setback is what this is. All is not lost. Give yourself a breather. It's ok. Be patient with yourself.

Hey you, you gotta just keep going. Its worth it in the end. We are all waiting on you.

atg

every flower has it's seasons and changes, a time to grow etc. You are an amazing person though I only know you as a flower. You spread joy and love and these facts alone help to negate the power of what was done to you. I hope this makes sense. We can choose to be horrible and nasty or we can choose to give the universe what we ourselves wish for.