[MsAspiring]

Hi all. New to the web site but not new to psych disorders. I was wondering if anyone suffers from Stockholm Syndrome?

I have this and I am finding extremely difficult to find others with it.

[kindachaotic]

Not familiar with this & had to google it. After doing so I'd say you aren't the only one on here affected by this. Some, like me, don't realize this is correct name for what they suffer with because it is so baffling.
If you are ever comfortable enough to discuss your past or present situation it might help people understand.
There may be more than one forum to consider posting in. As you read in the different threads of forums you may see post similar to what you have been thru. Thanks for sharing this.

Best wishes & keep posting.

[Tamster]

Hi,
I to have Stockholm syndrome, I protected my aggressor for 23 yrs more than 13 years after he died. I know what you mean about the the difficulty trying to explain is heavy. My doctors try hard to get me to see how I was wronged and the great wrong that was done to me. Intellectually I get it, but emotionally I'm not there.
Good Luck I hope you see your good worth soon,
Sami

[Nammu]

Any one who has been in an battered spouse relationship, where they were cut off from family and friends and refused to press charges against the spouse hurting them and many of those who have had ongoing incest or sexual abuse history's would be able to relate. I think it is the use of a non DSM code word that is keeping people from identifying with you. If you are looking for others to relate to (((kindachaotic))) is right there would be many here that would identify with you if you ever felt safe enough or ready to share your story. There are many people who have identified with their abusers and protected them. You can read other post and find those you relate to, and get more comfortable here at PC.

Originally Posted by sidestepper

Any one who has been in an battered spouse relationship, where they were cut off from family and friends and refused to press charges against the spouse hurting them and many of those who have had ongoing incest or sexual abuse history's would be able to relate.

Absolutely.

I never had the courage to face him, at first because my marriage was bigger than life in my head. But after I realized the price would be my life, I understood my fear for dying was larger than anything else, even that fake love (because he was a sociopath, so I loved a lie).

In 5 years I always thought he'd change, but the abuse escalated to the lowest peaks in my life such as not eating for months, sleeping on the bathroom floor out of fear or that Christmas I spent in a park bench bleeding nonstop on snow.

I believe I was there at some point: protecting him, loving him or whatever that was, now I just feel disgusted and angry. Not even hateful, because it was all a lie so I dont even know wtf that was in my life now but I feel horribly guilty and sick of myself.

What helped me amazingly was my Psychiatrist. When I got started in my legal nightmare, he recommended it sort of like "either you do it or I won't pick up you case" - Amazing how many people avoid DV and things like this. At first it was twice a week, extremely difficult and painful for me and from there as I made bits of progress such as me no longer being suicidal and whatnot, I had to go in once a week, twice a month and so on.

Although in no way, shape or form I could ever compare 5 years with a lifetime like, over 20 years like Tamster experienced. But I can genuinely say, today I am very vocal as in how amazingly painful and horrible it was for me to go through psychiatrist like that, but forever thankful I did because then years later I was ready for a psychologist and cognitive therapy which has been less horrible so far. Took me like 7 months to find someone else.

And I know it sounds horrible but no matter what anyone else says, or whatever you read. It will never make sense, to me. You love someone, then this someone chokes you to death until you pass out for hours. And you feel DOUBTS to return something like that, let alone put him to justice.

I will never understand, personally. I should hate him with every single part of my being but today I feel sick to my stomach to even think about any of that. I cry a lot, I won't deny it, I cry because I relive that anxiety of pain and fear of death. I just wish he'd just disappear from the world, forget he exists, forget I ever lived that.

I guess I just need to accept myself today but it's very complicated. Instead of hating him I hate myself. I just wish he'd be gone from life.

[Nammu]

1982 don't put down your experience just because it was 5 years instead of 20. You still went though the abuse, you still know the feelings of walking on egg shells, the desire to please the fear of setting off the anger over that one tiny little thing that is not perfect. Your abuse is no less if it was random attack on a street corner that lasted 5 minuets or and everyday abuse in a locked ward for years on end. All of us victims need to stand together and support one another and grow strong with that support to become survivors. The differences between us are smaller than the room left over from the largest mountain passing though the eye of a needle. We know your pain, no matter how long it takes you to get it out, to tell your pdoc or boyfriend here there will always be people who understand. Take care. be gentle with yourself. You too Tamster and MrAspiring.