[ladytiger]

hello, i am new. i want to know if this is considered PTSD. i have endured trauma in my life growing up with my idiot parents not knowing how to parent. my siblings endure such crap growing up b4 i was born and hate my parents for it want nothing to do with them.

i am 26 yrs old and life at age 10 was not easy for me or us. at age 10, a kid shouldnt endure high levels of stress but i did. when we moved here in AZ from CA in 96, my mom didnt let me have a life at all i was always home not having fun with friends as normal kids and always on the computer. this led me to lose many friendships in my life because of my parents' ignorance, narcissistic ways, and multiple personalities.

i didnt have a normal childhood growing up yet i can't fathom why people don't seem to get that not that hard to understand! at 12-13 yrs old, on a weekend, my mom and i got into this huge fight over something stupid. she was complaining the usual friends and school. she didnt know any of them only 1-2 and they told me how much of a basket case, a ****, a psychotic twat she is.

she said something smart and mean like she always does. what broke the straw on the camel's back is my mom said i wish you were not born, i should have killed u when u were a baby, smothered you when u were a baby, and something else i can not remember. u know when someone's eye lit up when they hear something that is out of this world? yea that was my eyes.

i was still shocked like a statue not moving when i heard that. i remember laying my side on my bed in fetal position, crying my eyes out, eyes not blinking but tears still flowing, sound, smell, taste went out, my mind went somewhere else and my whole room turned white - i heard nothing around me. since everything is white, it was like i was in a mental asylum in a white str8 jacket with no doors just a window and laying on the bedroom.

i wonder if that was a mental breakdown? after that, i blinked and everything from my mind/vision left, went back to normal and sound, taste, and smell came back to normal. i have never experienced that in my life and havent experienced that in a long time. i told my bf that and he couldn't believe it saying how could a parent say such a thing to their child and expect respect from their own kid after hearing that?

i used to be a very outgoing person that was killed between 10-13 yrs old, i started having communication issues, had trouble making friends when it used to be easy for me. it's gotten to the point where i dont trust anybody because they have disappointed me, betrayed me, i saw similarities of my parents in them, broke off a meaningless 10 yr friendship in oct 09 (she is a narc like my parents and a *****).

i remember a few older women said how my face is sad that they see sorrow, needing support/love/caring/understanding, etc. ppl would always ask me how come u never look happy? smile. i said if u only knew the truth u would know why i dont smile or be happy that much the people had a strange look after i said that.

my friends knew about my story and couldn't handle it. they deserted me because they couldnt handle how my parents were treating me and how my mom felt i needed my friends to be a babysitter to me. it did cause arguments i told them nothing u say to them will not change a word i say even i say everything from my heart (already have and did nothing more drama and finger pointing) u can not change a person at all. they didn't understand that and didnt know **** about broken families.

i am wondering if this would be ptsd? i have never been diagnosed nor have i talked to a doctor/psychiatrist about this cuz i know what will happen. they will prescribe a drug, mask the problem instead of going deeper into my emotions/brain and try to fix it that way. no thank u, i have no interest in going down that route again money or no money.

if meds work for ppl on here thats fine, but dont tell me i should be prescribed drugs to fix my problem - i am my own doctor i know my body better than anyone else i just wanna know whats going on. i doubt the state insurance covers therapy sessions for ptsd.

therapy sessions is only done if you have been prescribed drugs as i called them yesterday afternoon asking about a mental condition. it's dumb how they do it. i live at home because of no job and still looking for a job although i have a degree no certs and lack work experience. i took a quiz i want to take to a therapist for add/adhd on sanity and it shows i am in a great deal of distress which i have been for 16 yrs.

other than that, i would have to pay for additional therapy sessions since the state won't do it. i dont see myself being in therapy for years and dont want to spend thousands of dollars yearly. i just need to get more answers on my mental health. i remember long ago my mom said i will take u to a psychiatrist as she said that every year claiming she is always broke (but can spend money on jewelry useless crap how is that always broke?) i said wow that's the way to go to help ur child!!

no, i dont have friends who can help me again they have deserted me. my siblings live in elsewhere brother is in CO dont like his wife nor do i wanna leave my bf and my sister is in japan on the naval base with her family. i dont know the other relatives glad i dont know them. so, i would move to a healthier environment but i have no place to go.

any ideas/suggestions?

[Open Eyes]

I think that you need to keep looking for a job and working towards getting more independant.

I don't feel that it is true that a psychologist will not see you if you are not on medications. I see one and I am not on medications. It isn't all about medications now, there is a growing desire to see if by therapy we can help ourselves as there is no magic pill.

I am sorry that you have an unsupportive mother, it sounds like she is the one with the psychological issues and you are just being a victim of that. In a situation like that, it is best to work on getting yourself a job and means to get away from that atmosphere.

We are here to listen, maybe someone else will add some other advice as well. Be patient, people are not always right here an on PC to see your thread and answer it right away. But you must know that none of us are therapists or pdocs so no one here can diagnose you. We can offer our support though.
Welcome to PC (((Ladytiger)))

[ladytiger]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I think that you need to keep looking for a job and working towards getting more independant.

I don't feel that it is true that a psychologist will not see you if you are not on medications. I see one and I am not on medications. It isn't all about medications now, there is a growing desire to see if by therapy we can help ourselves as there is no magic pill.

I am sorry that you have an unsupportive mother, it sounds like she is the one with the psychological issues and you are just being a victim of that. In a situation like that, it is best to work on getting yourself a job and means to get away from that atmosphere.

We are here to listen, maybe someone else will add some other advice as well. Be patient, people are not always right here an on PC to see your thread and answer it right away. But you must know that none of us are therapists or pdocs so no one here can diagnose you. We can offer our support though.
Welcome to PC (((Ladytiger)))

they can write all the drugs they want doesn't mean i am going to buy them. a psychiatrist/counselor/therapist make their money on prescribing drugs and that is a true fact. i don't want medications anyway i just wanna talk these issues out.

so, what i found out is i would like to go to therapy to be tested for add/adhd and i was told on the phone that therapy is only if you are on medications doing group therapy. i am not interested in group therapy i want to do one on one i have sat in a group (wasn't group therapy) talking about these issues and some of it was helpful the rest was too negative for me. that's what i was told by the behavioral services on the phone but i can sit there for 2 hrs talking to the therapist for add/adhd. i know that's not ptsd but everything is so limited.

i agree i need to keep looking for a job. i know people on here are not therapist and what not i am just curious if they see this as a problem for me and at my age that is all. my mom's 1st born daughter has severe mental issues of what she endured growing up (as i know nothing about her) and my mom never helped her at all and still doesn't today. she is almost 50 yrs old has no clue what she is doing and my mom's side of the family does nothing to help her. my grandma was doing all the work taking care of her and 2 of our cousins who lost their parents at a young age. they lost their minds a long time ago and are horrible at what they do. my 2nd oldest was in NC few years ago visiting our grandma and saw how our 2 cousins we don't know are living their lives.

1st born half sister is missing in NC and nobody back there know where she is nor are they looking hard enough either. the 2 cousins have mental issues too so does my dad. sounds like it's a huge problem in the family but everything is so secretive we don't know what's true and what isn't true.

i saw through behavioral services on doing life skills training to learn to be an independent adult since i was never taught how to be an adult to stand on my own 2 feet since i had to look at my mom being a disgusted codependent lack of a mother and she never did anything for herself in over 30 yrs. she never taught us 4 anything about independence she said "you don't need to work everything is paid for, you need to learn to be an independent adult and stand on your own two feet and i don't see why you need a job anyway you are working for 'the man'! how selfish of you to want to get a job so you can do what you want, when you want, and spend your money however you want!"

see how contradicting that is? she is 65 she's been codependent for a very very long time and don't intend to change or want better for herself anyway. i have a very unsupportive dad too, him and my mom are 2 peas in a pod anyway. both parents are narcissus, MPD, one is a pathological liar and the other is an habitual liar, manipulators, the list goes on and on.

my 2nd oldest sister and brother function normal and just fine except for me. thanks for the advice

Hi I'm 25 years old. I grew up around a lot of domestic violence. I was also physically and mental abused up until I was old enough to swing back. I had spent years in therapy and tried medications for Anxiety, that's all I knew it was. The only way I could explain it. I'm an recovering addict over a year off drugs. So once I decided to quit, medication became a huge issue for me. I was fortunate enough to get state insurance threw Loveless SCI. When I switched therapist, I would tell them up front no pills and finally found a therapist who agreed they were not needed and in fact believed that taking downers only reinforced Anxiety. I now know for sure I have PTSD. my therapist has me doing exposure therapy, kind of like facing fears in a safe way and allowing the brain to process them correctly instead of pushing those things a side. Of course I'm no professional but you can google PTSD or youtube it research it and see if those symptoms describe you. you are also welcome to message me if you would like to talk or need any information I can't offer a whole lot as I am new to this form of therapy but the web is an amazing tool. wishing you lots of luck.

http://www.ptsdfacts.net/overview/symptoms-checklist/ this is a good list of symptoms read it and see how much of it you can relate too. If this feels like you. you should seek a therapist because untreated ptsd only gets worse.

[ladytiger]

thank you so much for the information. i will check it out and there was something called sanity score i took that quiz and have 10 major issues that need to be looked at by a therapist. there is a forum on here called sanity score and i scored 167 which is so high.

[Cotton ball]

Welcome to the club, but sorry you are here. I have no words tonight. I wish you well. It's hard but tomorrow is another day....