[Tamster]

I have experienced some strong flashbacks in the past but today was the worst. Do they ever go away. The memories hurt as much as the event did when it happened. I relive every moment and feel every bit of it. When do they end?

[Elbie]

Originally Posted by Tamster

I have experienced some strong flashbacks in the past but today was the worst. Do they ever go away. The memories hurt as much as the event did when it happened. I relive every moment and feel every bit of it. When do they end?

Hello I have much empathy for you. I don't think that they ever go away.
My T is ging to teach me some coping skills at the next session.
Many Hugs to you. TC/Elbie

[Tamster]

If you learn how to erase them tell me. I can't live this way.

[skeksi]

I am learning to control the flashbacks with my therapist. Who is helping you handle all this? It's scary to do alone, and you can find help to make it easier. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I'm up scared tonight myself. You're not alone.

[Open Eyes]

(((Tam)))

In my own experience with flashbacks, I have discovered that, yes, they can present themselves, and even be very strong as well. However, even though it really feels that the event is reoccuring, there is a lenth of time to the flashback. And your conscious mind needs to remember that whatever it is, it is like a wave that comes in and then receeds. And the important thing to try to do is afterwards allow your conscious mind to say, "yes, I remember that and it did happen but it is not happening now". And then I work on whatever that flashback was about in therapy and on my own to keep reminding myself that I was in a bad place and experienced something troubling and I also do my best to realize that at the time I did not know what to do, but now I understand it better and I do not have that experience taking place now.

It IS work Tam, however, while we never forget unpleasant events, we can decrease the flashbacks by finally processing the event/events. And when a flashback happens, it is important to do your best to try to NOT feed into it in a way that tells your brain to again put it back unresolved so it can again come forward in a troubling flashback. What eventually happens is the power of the flashback decreases until you can just remember it like any memory, it may not be a good memory, but it doesn't cause you to feel like you are experiencing it in the now.

The first stage of PTSD is very difficult and does have these flashbacks/body memories/and even anxiety etc take place. However with time and therapy this part of the PTSD can quiet down into just, as mentioned, unpleasant memories that you do recall but are not so intrusive.

Lots of talk, talk, talk about the event and validation helps you process events better and work on not retramatizing, but slowy disable and store.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[skeksi]

I really like what Open Eyes said--these are the-limited events.

The adrenaline response (fight/flight) that gets triggered by a flashback has about a 20 minute life span. When I get triggered into a flashback now, I often try to check my watch-- and sure enough, after about a half hour I am less panicky and exhaustion or numbness have set in. When it is happening, it feels never ending. But the body reacts to triggers in predictable ways, and knowing this can make it seems less timeless and interminable.

[Tamster]

I found a T with a specialty in abuse, hope he is worth it. Thank open eyes

Originally Posted by Tamster

I found a T with a specialty in abuse, hope he is worth it. Thank open eyes

(((Tam))) I am so sorry you are hurting. I can completely relate.

I am working through the same thing you are and I realized some days are a whole heck of a lot better than others. Thankfully I learned in T and here at PC that these flashbacks are memories. They cannot hurt me now. Even though it is terribly painful, scary and exhausting.

When it happens, I feel like I am right there in those moments ... it could have been 20 years ago that the event occurred, but it may as well be right that very moment and as if no time had passed at all It is really hard. I do understand xx

I am still in the beginning stages of T and trauma work so I dont know if it ever goes away. I can say however for me, my T and I crossed one big hurdle (it took about 7 months but that time seemed to go by so quickly)

Since that moment, though, the intense fear / terror has subsided and I feel so much better. If the topic comes up now, I dont feel that panic anx fight flight feeling any longer (thank goodness) in that way, I find it a complete and total miracle I dont suffer about it any longer. But it still hurts.

Please keep posting and working with your T. I do believe it gets better with each step we take.

I really hope this helps even a teeny bit

Hugs to you
Rose

[Tamster]

Rose you are so nice and right about working with the right T . I am in the first stag es of changing Ts as he does not work with trauma and sexual abuse. I am hoping to here from one Ts week to facilitate a channge. In the mean time my pdoc is working closely with me.

((((Tamster)))) please keep us posted. We care and are with you.

[Tamster]

I do feel less alone here you Rose and Open Eyes have kept me moving forward along with my good pdoc. I'd be lost without you all.S

[Open Eyes]

(((Tam))),

I am glad you are finding this support so helpful Tam. It IS very confusing and lonely when someone has PTSD. It is very hard to understand and also very hard to explain to the people around us as well. And when it presents the flashbacks and anxiety as well as an extreme "fight/flight" emotional rollercoaster, it is very scary.

Last year for me was such a challenge and I really felt so alone and on the edge of some kind of strange pit of total confusion. I spent a lot of time in PC and I just wrote a lot and posted in different areas. It was as though I had a part of me that could think and reason and advise, and yet another part of me that was very troubled and disoriented.

Because I am a middle aged woman and I did get through a lot in my life, I had gained a lot of experience in dealing with different things. And I had never sat at the computer like this and exchanged my thoughts like this before. I never tweeted or texted or facebooked etc. I had always been way to busy to do any of that. And I only had a very simple basic knowledge of the computer. I still don't know very much about the computer and how to access all the things I "could" do with it.

Having PTSD is like only having part of your brain to work with. And it can be so unpredictable because it can take over "ALL" of your brain and render it completely helpless at times. And to try to explain that to people around you that have absoultely no experience with how that feels? It is impossible to get them to understand it.

But to have a way of connecting with others that know what you are discribing and the private battle of it? That is so incredibly comforting and so important to the healing process as well. To have someone else that can relate to how you can think and be strong at times and yet extremely disfuctional and vulnerable and lost at other times? It is such a tremendous relief to the mind somehow. Especially when the people IRL keep trying to tell you to "just" and get angry when you can't and the PTSD just presents you with a lot of anger that somehow you need to just let out.
Yes, that is that extreme urge to "fight" part of the PTSD that comes from so much frustration at trying to work your way through it. And how much you want other people to just see how so very difficult it really is. It is like being on a distant planet all by yourself sometimes.

But to be able to be with someone who "gets" it, and who "struggles with it" as well?
Oh that is such a comfort and when they can be so sympathetic to the tremendous battle with it, wow, that is also such an incredible comfort.

To have someone who can see when you are in that "you" mode where there is a length of time where you can function and reason and even do that well. And yet when something triggers you, something that brings on that total state of confusion and strong "fight" or "flight" urge that you can't seem to stop somehow? Someone who knows that struggle and is patient and talks you through it until you can finally recover from that in whatever time it takes you? Some who is not going to be hard on you and put you down for something you honestly cannot seem to help? And know that you are really TRYING to figure out how to gain "control" over it? Someone that is going to encourage you, even believe in you and "care" about you and give you permission to "keep trying to work through it"? And even having someone whom you feel will also protect you when you do succumb to the power of PTSD? Someone who will say to you, yes, I saw that too, but thats ok because you are trying and I also noticed how well you rallied your way past that sudden onset of the "fight/flight" challenge that can be very strong and it did overcome you? Someone that understands that there are many times where in many ways you have to relearn how to gain control in a way you have never done before in your life? That it is a totally different way that people who do not have PTSD can manage to "just" do? Someone who knows all about the days where you are just so completely exhausted and scatter brained too? Someone who can say, yes, that was a very challenging day for you, and I am sure you ARE very tired and need to just hybernate in your room and be quiet for a while and NOT have any more demands to think put on you?

Wow, that is such a comfort and what is needed so that this "battle" with PTSD can slowly be won.

(((Hugs to keep trying))))
Open Eyes

((((OE))))

[Open Eyes]

(((Tam))),

My loudest message I can give you here is, "that working through PTSD is a challenge that many people will truely NOT understand. That there will be days of clarity, and days of real challenges that are really hard to understand. That what you have to reach for to the depths of you is a way to truely say to yourself, "I am really struggling and confused and I am trying very hard to understand it as best as I can, and what I have to keep telling myself as I struggle is that while I may feel very lost and frightened with this challenge, I have to keep telling myself that it is okay and it is a challenge and I have "YET" to master it and get myself back in order again. Do not be hard on myself when I fall and struggle, it only means that I am not "yet" capable of controling it all right now. I might get badly triggered and lose complete control sometimes and all it means that that I have not figured it out "YET". "

With PTSD it is very important that you learn to keep yourself in a place where you can remain constantly "forgiving and kind to yourself". That whenever you have a bad day, you have to learn to keep saying to yourself, I have not learned how to keep myself from having these reactions to the outside world "YET". Recovering from PTSD is a challenge that many will not understand. But the important thing to always remember is that you CAN work through it and each person is different in how long it takes for that to happen. Always remember that you are not a failure, that you CAN slowly LEARN HOW to find your way past it. And by saying to yourself, I have YET to get more control over this anger, fear, frustration, confusion, and exhaustion that is the depression part of PTSD keeps you in a state of mind that remains open to the healing that IS a lot of work when dealing with PTSD.

It is not about failing, it is about keeping an open mind to noticing what leads up to that sense of failing or losing control to a flashback or a day of just getting through the day and feeling tired or having a sense that that day is more of a challenge. And yes it is a whole new way of learning that is different from any other time in your life. It is not about "just" dealing anymore with PTSD. Because with PTSD things that do not seem to bother or disable other people, do disable someone with PTSD because they have been injured by the experience of a trama, or many tramas in their past. So anything that seems sudden or a threat or a question of trust is going to be felt a lot more than a person who doesn't have PTSD feels.

It is all about patience and time to heal with PTSD. And recieving as much support and understanding to give someone permission to just take it one day at a time and rebuild their abilities to have the capacity to once again gain control of their reactions to the challenges of interacting and functioning in a more comfortable way. The goal is to slowly build the capacity to rebound from any given trigger better and better. To learn to understand the the troubling flashbacks and memories of being in an experience where you did not have the life skills or capacity to deal with whatever was, is not your fault and you CAN slowly address that now and come to realize that you did survive and it is ok to learn from it in a very different way now. And more importantly, you can still be a person of value, probably even more valuable then you have been in your past. You may not know what you want to be in your life right now, that is also a part of PTSD, But what it really means is that you don't know "YET" and that is ok too.

Open Eyes

[Tamster]

Biggest ((((((((hugs ever)))))))) for OE